BustedS13

i have a friend whose boyfriend killed himself recently. we all thought he died in the tsunami, but as it turns out, he straight killed himself. lit some charcoal in his car or something and suffocated. anyway now she's all depressed and talking about how there's no point to life and blah blah blah. i know you're like, HEY BRO CALL THE COPS OR SOMETHING GET THAT BITCH SOME HELP! but fuck you, this is the real world, she won't do it, i don't think. i'm not the only one she talks to. i go WAAAAY the fuck out of my way to try to cheer her up, to the point that the average onlooker might assume i'm trying to bang her, which i'm absolutely not, get fucked.
this shit is really stressing me out, what do you say to someone who doesn't really see the point in living anymore? i can't stand seeing this girl so depressed, it's honestly breaking my heart.

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Pactin

I've dealt with the same, only more motivated seeing as how this particular depressed person is a family member.

The way I see it, you just have to keep cheering them up and doing whatever you can. It really is stressing, especially in my case since she feels she can only express these feelings with me.

I'm sure like me, you just want to be able to just "walk away", tell youself she'll be fine on her own. But do you think you'd be able to deal with the guilt if she were to do something drastic? My .02

tqstarburst

Never walk away man,she needs you there more than ever. Things will become more stressing but don't give up. First start by asking her questions such as how was you're relationship with him,what things did you guys have planned together etc,what makes you happy,what would you do to keep his memory alive,what do you think he would want for you to do etc. Let her answer everything by herself,and then she'll start seeing a point in life etc. I could go all night long with a list,but i'm a bit tired. I'm getting a minor in psychology,but those are just a few hints,let me know if you need anything else. Hope it helps.

zombiewolf513

I had a buddy who killed himself on a pistol range not too long ago with a few other friends watching him do it. We talk about him, what happened, and how we feel about it all the time. Seems to help a bit. Just stick in there with her and keep trying. That's the best you're going to be able to do outside of having her talk with a professional.

I know how you feel, that shit is stressful. GL

MikeisNissan

my bro tried to charcoal himself too, but luckily i woke to the smell and called 911. what a fucking idiot he is..

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DS562

^^ talk about it. you might not think so, but a lot of cops live with similar burdens every day. seeing people slaughtered, killed in car accidents etc, isnt easy to live with. so they talk about it or sometimes joke about it. it might seem fucked up but you gotta do what you gotta do. im not saying go and crack jokes about the guy, but remember the good times and reassure her that it was in no way her fault.

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Zeeeeeeeee32

sw20>>s14

wat

ajkl;djfkljdafjj

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Wake

Coming from someone with severe clinical depression.

Just keep doing what your doing man. there isnt really a way to "cheer" a really depressed person up. All you can do is be there for her anytime she needs you, and unfortunately that may not be enough, but if it ends badly you will at least have some solace in the fact that you did what you could. It sucks to think of it that way I know but theres not a whole lot you can do. Just keep her positive and try to remind her how much she still has to live for/accomplish. Pretty much the only reason im still alive is knowing what it would do to my dad in particular if i was gone. Maybe just remind her how much she means to you and how hard it would be on everyone that cares for her. im sorry to hear about the whole situation.
Is this the friend you were concerned about during the tsunami?

Im not trying to promote it, and I might get in touble for this but the only thing that works for me is medical. I have tried prescrip pills and such and it just takes to long to even out.

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zombiewolf513

Yeah, crazy shit huh? I talked to him the night before, seemed normal, we talked about bullshit, bitched about this and that, laughed, played xbox, the usual. The next morning he was an instructor on a pistol range, looked around, and right under the chin. My friends that were there say the image of him on the ground will never leave their mind.

Sorry for the thread jack OP. This sounds fucked up, but we joke about it. We're all fucking assholes though, so I wouldn't recommend it with a sensitive girl that's putting the guilt of her boyfriends suicide on herself.

sw20>>s14

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BustedS13

yeah, she didn't clarify until she came home, but apparently dude killed himself a few days after the tsunami. she says he didn't lose anyone in his family or anything, no real explanation. apparently he called her while he was in the car waiting to die and just didn't mention it. crazy shit.

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ronmcdon

It's very difficult to reach of to ppl (in my exp) who are severely depressed, as they more or less shut off the outside world.

If she's at the point of suicide,
she does need professional help.
I would recommend trying to talk her into giving some form of therapy a shot.

Normally I'm not a huge fan of anti-depressants, but they may not be a poor choice in emergencies.
She can ask her general physician to prescribe them if she doesn't feel comfy seeing a therapist for the time being.

All else fails, there is always the option of forced hospitalization (think it's a 48-72 hr hold).
It can appear a bit cruel, but is it more important to you that she remains a friend, or that she kills herself?

Either way, once she calms down a bit & is in no threat of suicide,
she may be in a better state of mind to communicate & consider options for treatment.

I wouldn't worry what other ppl say about you trying to hit on her,
but if she comes on to you, I would say be very careful.

kingkilburn

Either you can be there to console the person in their depression(100% commitment) or you "kick" them out of it. Some people can't be "kicked" and the things that kick those who can be kicked can be random.

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stunnaben

WHATEVER YOU DO, don't let her drag you down. I'm not saying give up, walk away or anything like that but you gotta keep your sanity. Depression IS CONTAGIOUS. Keep your head up and when it all gets overwhelming you have to step away some what and get yourself back to good. If her depression gets to you it can suck you in. I've seen it happen. See the good in the world and convey that to her. Make sure she sees the good instead of focusing on the bad.

Personally I have been through depression. No matter what anyone else said to me, it took me being like I have got to get my shit together or I'm gonna be stuck like this... I got off my ass and got back out there. You can't look at life as hopeless, start looking at it like ya know what I gotta do this this and this and then I can sleep. I enjoy sleeping.

zombiewolf513

How's this coming Busted?

exitspeed

I've dealt with this problem my entire life. My mom was depressed for most of her adult life. She lived a life on a cocktail of anti-depressants. She was diagnosed as bi-polar as well. She also was a drug addict and was alcoholic.

She attempted suicide a lot and ended up in hospitals, rehab centers, and mental institutes.

Last year she was finally successful.

I never gave up on here though. I was always there for her. Maybe not as much as she needed me to be, but really that was impossible. The last 5 years was very, very difficult. The entire family I think kind of felt like it was inevitable even though we all always tried to help her. It's a terrible feeling to feel so hopeless for someone. Especially when that person is you mother. Sooooo many people loved my mom, and that was just never good enough for her or it must not have ever sank in.

This was after years, and years, of depression, and trying to get help.

After she was gone, I realized that I don't think my mom was meant for this world. She was put her for a reason, and that was to touch all the people lives that she did, and she touched a tremendous amount of peoples lives including mine.

My point, I guess is that I know how hard it can be on the person dealing with someone who is suicidal and I know how hard it can be. It is about you too. You need to stay strong and if she is important to you you need to help her get help now while she is still young and can turn her life around. Because no one wants a life like that for a lifetime. I know the feeling of wanting to give up as well. In my case it wasn't even an option. I think you need to look deep in your soul and decide if you want to stick by her side.

Good luck.

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Walperstyle

My mother in law is aparently diagnosed with depression.

Honestly, I don't think its a treatable thing. Its something the person just has to figure out for themselves.

I'd tell her its stressing you out, and be honest with her. Cut off your contact.

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Matej

A girl that was in a few of the same classes as I went into Bass Pro Shop yesterday afternoon, bought a gun, and committed suicide right in the parking lot.
My brother was friends with her. Apparently no one saw it coming.

From my experience, the people who threaten all of their close ones with suicide never actually do it, or 'attempt suicide' using some method that has a 15% success rate.
The people who do kill themselves are usually the ones you would never guess to be suicidal.

daryl337

Yeah, I had a buddy who took himself out with a pistol to the temple.

His best friend had died several months prior. everyone knew he was kinda down, but he hadnt really given anyone the heads up that he was feelin suicidal.

I mean, its hard to tell the difference between normal grief and severe depression. The two can really go hand in hand.

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One_love_silvia

it doesnt matter what u think. im sure she didn't think he'd kill himself.

the point is, if someone is that depressed u SHOULD get them some help. thats the best thing u can do for them. because one day, they might just decide its not worth it anymore and actually do it. then ur gunna regret not getting them help.

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Walperstyle

^you can't think like that.

You can't think by not doing something you are at fault for someone killing themselves.


Depression comes from Depressed people. Surround yourself with others. Don't blame yourself for the situation they are in. Only they can come out of it.

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One_love_silvia

i never said u would feel at fault. im just sayin u would feel bad for not gettin them help if u could.

help might help (lol), but it also might not. so u wouldnt be at fault, but atleast u know u did everything u could.

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1995 s14 240sx SE "Kintaro"

exitspeed

Maybe if you surround yourself, but he's talking about 1 friend. He didn't say he had 10 friends talking about killing themselves.

It's not contagious. You don't hang out with one depressed person can catch it. Like I said, I dealt with my moms issues my whole life. Did it fuck me up in the head a little? Yes, but I was never depressed. Being concerned and worried for someone's well being is different then being depressed.

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Corbic

To add to this, Depression can also be chemically driven, so to say it's a state of mind is ignorant.

ronmcdon

I'm very skeptical that it's contagious too.

Maybe you could say it's frustrating to deal with ppl who are depressed,
but even that is a measure of how well you can cope with a depressed person.
You have to accept that you only have some, if any, control over another person's depression or any other disorder.
Even medicine, science, and psychology can only do so much realistically.

do it sideways

just try get her mind off of it, get lots of friends around, chill, go drifting, hit a bowl, laugh, you know. the more she is by herself and thinking about it, the more it will eat her up. friends is the key to everything

datsunnazi

my bro tried to charcoal himself too, but luckily i woke to the smell and called 911. what a fucking idiot he is..
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KILL YOURSELF

talk about irony....

doubleclutchinlikeishould

I suffer from mild depression. Currently prescribed to 20mg of Prozac a day, and the results have been all positive. I attribute my depression to a chemical imbalance- my mom has been on Prozac for 20 years and she experiences similar results.

I dont know if a depression stemming from the loss of someone close to you is grounds for an anti-depressant, but I will say that Ive experienced no side effects from it, and my depression is completely manageable now. I dont feel "zonked out" like some people describe, and I still have a full range of emotions. I can still be sad or angry or happy- but my overall mood is generally a bit better. My stress level is much lower- but my drive to accomplish the things I need to accomplish is unchanged.

That being said, the best thing you can do is just be there for her. Make plans with her in advance, give her something to look forward to. If she wont go to therapy, offer to go with her. Its always the people who need therapy the most that refuse to go. Even if you're just there for moral support, having someone to go with will make her feel better. Make her feel like shes not alone- when youre depressed you feel incredibly disconnected from others around you, and having someone there to lean on, even if it doesnt feel like youre really doing anything, is huge. Thats all you can really do. Be supportive, be comforting, be there for her, and dont give up.

soreballz

Coming from a bi-polar fella that used to battle with the whole "life sucks and I wanna die" thing... This is very good advice. Run with it.


Good luck, dude.

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gearhead55

i think this good advice. Humans are social animals and in my experience getting depressed people out and around other friends seems to work wonders.

My ex girlfriend had a lot of self esteem/eating issues, and i tried for years to help, but in the end i had to break it off because it was affecting my life too much and i couldn't stand putting so much effort into working on her shit that was never going to change. Once she realized that making an effort to change her perspective was on her and no one else she got a lot better.

So in short i would say do what you can to show her that people are there for her and that she isn't alone, but in the end don't bear the responsibility of her depression. Just be a good friend.