Now I need some advice... - Zilvia.net Forums | Nissan 240SX (Silvia) and Z (Fairlady) Car Forum

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 10:35 AM

Completely un-related to cars:

When a guy has a crush on this girl he claims is his friend and says he has no intention of asking out-ever and also says all there is is just plain old physical attraction, and that guy happens to be dating this girl, should the girl be worried? What do guys consider a crush?

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 10:46 AM

You guys are hurting my feelings now. Someone help me please? :biggrin:

dave2u · 10-12-2001, 10:53 AM

word it a bit differently mate i dont quite get you  <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'>

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 11:07 AM

My boyfriend has this friend who's a pretty cute girl. I always had this weird feeling that he's in love with her or something and yesterday, I managed to get him to tell me that he has a crush on her. So, I got a bit bewildered and weirded out by that, and he tried to explain to me that it was just him thinking she's good-looking. I think lots of guys (my friends) are good-looking, but I don't develop a crush on any one of them. Am I not understanding something right? Should I be worried about this or should I just believe him?

vancouvers14 · 10-12-2001, 11:15 AM

let me preface this by saying that this doesnt apply to all guys, but from my experience, this is what i've found.

Female friends are always a future possible girlfriend.  Unless there is NO attraction.  Myself for example.  I have 3 really close female friends.  One, I have no attraction to.  No need for the gf to worry.  The other 2 are hot, and if me and my gf broke up, I would go out with them.  I dont think guys and girls can be friends for the most part.  Then again, if my gf told me not to talk to them, i'd break up with her.  

If your bf is a trustworthy guy, no need to worry.  If not, worry.  My gf has nothing to worry about cause as long as i'm with her, its only her.  

btw, how long have you been dating?

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 11:28 AM

Some six months. The thing is, he's been friends with this girl for 10 years or so. Maybe even longer. And he says he doesn't like her "gloomy" personality. I don't understand.

whateverjames · 10-12-2001, 11:33 AM

i've never had a female friend i haven't been attracted to. i've tried to be friends with this girl i knew. she had a boyfriend, she broke up with him, her and i went out, we broke up, we became friends, had no feelings for each other suposedly, we both went out with different people, still remained friends...later on down the road, became boyfriend and girlfriend AGAIN, broke up, blah. neverending cycle. but to the point <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'> if he's just a normal guy like every other guy...i'd keep an eye on him. but i don't know your boyfriend, maybe he thinks you trust him enough that he can openly say he thinks she looks good without feeling guilty. but honestly, any girl i had, said she had a 'crush' on a guy, i'd say, "see ya" to avoid any future complications. but that's just me, and my thinking process <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'> (and what i've been through)

dave2u · 10-12-2001, 11:41 AM

BE SECURE!
And keep your eyes open. Keep your eyes on HIM. Only he`ll know what his true plans are. Getting insecure is taking a position of weakness and is more likely to be a turn OFF. You stay secure girl and keep your eyes open. Listen to your gut feeling. Play it cool and secure. First sign you see anything slap him off (say goodbye) shake his little world about and see what he thinks of that. Stay secure and play it cool. A fit chick like you will just go and get another fella and he`s lost out. And that type of attitude is more likely to have him wanting you again whereas being insecure is not half as attractive. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'>

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 11:53 AM

Thanks! So, I'm not stupid <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>. It's just this girl thing when you know that there's something weird going on, and I didn't want to make any stupid presumptions. You guys guessed my thoughts exactly. I'll probably talk to him about it. James, are you still dating that girl? Dave, stop mastrubating! LOL, JK!

spin · 10-12-2001, 12:12 PM

I totally agree with vancouvers14. attractive female friends are always on the back of a guy's mind as possible future whatever...
so it comes down to the trust issue. hope things work out for you. but, good grief, you're so young. they'll plenty of guys for you to break hearts later down the line <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>  seriously.

(Edited by spin at 11:13 am on Oct. 12, 2001)

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 12:19 PM

Everything seems so clear now... what would I do without you guys??? Ahh...

whateverjames · 10-12-2001, 12:28 PM

nope. i told her we needed to just stop talking and seeing eachother (since may). the bad thing is i lost a friend in the process, but it was for the better. i got tired of her games of saying she wanted to be with me, then she'd say we'd just be friends. we had gone through that like 5 times.

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 02:52 PM

They never dated, or that's what he says... I'm so glad I put this up.

S13Grl · 10-12-2001, 04:16 PM

:biggrin:

(Edited by S13Grl at 5:17 pm on Oct. 12, 2001)

misnomer · 10-13-2001, 12:18 AM

Yah, chill out. He can look, but not touch <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'> The fact that he told you means one of two things, and you'll know which. Either he's being honest and good and all and you have nothing to worry about, or he's being honest and bad and all and you're toast. You'll know by how he acts. From the sound of it, yer all good.

10-13-2001, 12:41 AM

if hes known her for 10 years dont worry cuz im sure hes had plenty of oppurtunity to be with her and never has so ur the one on his arm not her, no worries

S13Grl · 10-13-2001, 08:46 AM

I'm not worried... I just don't want to set myself up for disaster that I think I can avoid. When I talked to him about this yesterday, he thought it was absurd of me to think anything of such kind and got really passionate about it all. So, I may be wrong, but... I don't think he's lying. But, still: I will keep my eyes open.

EVOtekS14bDIFter · 10-14-2001, 10:45 PM

If the two of you break up, SO WHAT?  It means it wasn't meant to be and any a smart, pretty girl like you could find someone better.  I'm pretty much screwed because I'm married, but if I wasn't I'd be your friend so that when you do break up with him, I'll hook up with you.

S13Grl · 10-15-2001, 08:08 AM

lol, thanks! :biggrin:

10-16-2001, 05:59 PM

Everyone is different but heres my 2cents
A crush is something more, I had this big crush on this one girl where I could only think about her but it gradually went away. I see her talking to other guys and i feel nothing as before i used to get jelous. I do have some attractive female friends, but no attraction at all thats possible but hey dosent mean i wouldnt sleep with em. So keep your eyes open.

Chokudori · 10-16-2001, 11:57 PM

hmmm, I think it just depends on how horny your bf is. hehehe...  j/k... well, kinda serious.
So how horny is your bf? If you think he is very much so, then I think there's a chance that he might do something.

JeffNJ · 10-17-2001, 10:36 AM

Use of the word 'crush' in my book is kinda big.  But, it certainly depends on what that means.  There's a difference between 'being attacted to' someone and 'having a crush on' someone - if you ask me.  Being attracted to someone, as I am to several of my female friends, means I wouldn't mind dating them should the opportunity ever arise.  But a 'crush', to me, that's only for when I downright want to go out with them.

If this is the wrong answer, I'm sorry to bring you down.  Just chalk it up to me defining crush differently.  I've been attracted to other women while dating a girlfriend and had no intentions of anything outside the relationship at all.  If your boyfriend, s13girl, just uses the word 'crush' differently, then it's probably completely normal.  But if he means 'crush' the way I've always believed the word 'crush' was meant to be used, well, then, uhm, I have to admit, I'd be a lot more concerned.

Just my very belated two cents.

*drifterx* · 10-17-2001, 10:42 AM

S13grl: take it from me... ALL GUYS ARE ASSHOLES! INCLUDING ME!
if he could get in her pants, he would.... guys are often confused abt "crush" "affections" and "pure physical attaction" ... men and women are different, girls sees people as a total package (for the most part) and guys see "####! I WOULD LOVE TO BANG HER"
if i was u, i would be worried.... however, if he stays faithful then u should stop giving him crap.... and if one day he cheated on u... just say ohhh well... he is a guy and dump his ass till u can find a guy who does cheat (good luck) or find a guy u cant catch him cheating....

S13Grl · 10-17-2001, 11:04 AM

I agree with you guys. But, I really can't just break up with him based up on presumptions. So, I'll wait and see what happens. Thank you so much for all your inputs, you're awesome!!!
Jeff, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. That's the exact thing I thought about when I heard this from him. But, I guess he does use the word "crush" quite a bit differently than I do.

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10-12-2001, 10:35 AM	#1
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Completely un-related to cars: When a guy has a crush on this girl he claims is his friend and says he has no intention of asking out-ever and also says all there is is just plain old physical attraction, and that guy happens to be dating this girl, should the girl be worried? What do guys consider a crush?

10-12-2001, 10:46 AM	#2
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	You guys are hurting my feelings now. Someone help me please? :biggrin:

10-12-2001, 10:53 AM	#3
dave2u Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: uk Age: 50 Posts: 499 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	word it a bit differently mate i dont quite get you  <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'>

10-12-2001, 11:07 AM	#4
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	My boyfriend has this friend who's a pretty cute girl. I always had this weird feeling that he's in love with her or something and yesterday, I managed to get him to tell me that he has a crush on her. So, I got a bit bewildered and weirded out by that, and he tried to explain to me that it was just him thinking she's good-looking. I think lots of guys (my friends) are good-looking, but I don't develop a crush on any one of them. Am I not understanding something right? Should I be worried about this or should I just believe him?

10-12-2001, 11:15 AM	#5
vancouvers14 Zilvia Addict Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 868 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	let me preface this by saying that this doesnt apply to all guys, but from my experience, this is what i've found. Female friends are always a future possible girlfriend.  Unless there is NO attraction.  Myself for example.  I have 3 really close female friends.  One, I have no attraction to.  No need for the gf to worry.  The other 2 are hot, and if me and my gf broke up, I would go out with them.  I dont think guys and girls can be friends for the most part.  Then again, if my gf told me not to talk to them, i'd break up with her.   If your bf is a trustworthy guy, no need to worry.  If not, worry.  My gf has nothing to worry about cause as long as i'm with her, its only her.   btw, how long have you been dating?

10-12-2001, 11:28 AM	#6
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Some six months. The thing is, he's been friends with this girl for 10 years or so. Maybe even longer. And he says he doesn't like her "gloomy" personality. I don't understand.

10-12-2001, 11:33 AM	#7
whateverjames Nissanaholic! Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: St. Louis Age: 41 Posts: 2,263 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	i've never had a female friend i haven't been attracted to. i've tried to be friends with this girl i knew. she had a boyfriend, she broke up with him, her and i went out, we broke up, we became friends, had no feelings for each other suposedly, we both went out with different people, still remained friends...later on down the road, became boyfriend and girlfriend AGAIN, broke up, blah. neverending cycle. but to the point <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'> if he's just a normal guy like every other guy...i'd keep an eye on him. but i don't know your boyfriend, maybe he thinks you trust him enough that he can openly say he thinks she looks good without feeling guilty. but honestly, any girl i had, said she had a 'crush' on a guy, i'd say, "see ya" to avoid any future complications. but that's just me, and my thinking process <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'> (and what i've been through)

10-12-2001, 11:41 AM	#8
dave2u Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: uk Age: 50 Posts: 499 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	BE SECURE! And keep your eyes open. Keep your eyes on HIM. Only he`ll know what his true plans are. Getting insecure is taking a position of weakness and is more likely to be a turn OFF. You stay secure girl and keep your eyes open. Listen to your gut feeling. Play it cool and secure. First sign you see anything slap him off (say goodbye) shake his little world about and see what he thinks of that. Stay secure and play it cool. A fit chick like you will just go and get another fella and he`s lost out. And that type of attitude is more likely to have him wanting you again whereas being insecure is not half as attractive. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'>

10-12-2001, 11:53 AM	#9
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Thanks! So, I'm not stupid <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>. It's just this girl thing when you know that there's something weird going on, and I didn't want to make any stupid presumptions. You guys guessed my thoughts exactly. I'll probably talk to him about it. James, are you still dating that girl? Dave, stop mastrubating! LOL, JK!

10-12-2001, 12:12 PM	#10
spin Leaky Injector Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 63 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	I totally agree with vancouvers14. attractive female friends are always on the back of a guy's mind as possible future whatever... so it comes down to the trust issue. hope things work out for you. but, good grief, you're so young. they'll plenty of guys for you to break hearts later down the line <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>  seriously. (Edited by spin at 11:13 am on Oct. 12, 2001)

10-12-2001, 12:19 PM	#11
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Everything seems so clear now... what would I do without you guys??? Ahh...

10-12-2001, 12:28 PM	#12
whateverjames Nissanaholic! Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: St. Louis Age: 41 Posts: 2,263 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	nope. i told her we needed to just stop talking and seeing eachother (since may). the bad thing is i lost a friend in the process, but it was for the better. i got tired of her games of saying she wanted to be with me, then she'd say we'd just be friends. we had gone through that like 5 times.

10-12-2001, 02:52 PM	#13
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	They never dated, or that's what he says... I'm so glad I put this up.

10-12-2001, 04:16 PM	#14
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	:biggrin: (Edited by S13Grl at 5:17 pm on Oct. 12, 2001)

10-13-2001, 12:18 AM	#15
misnomer Nissanaholic! Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Nevada Posts: 2,293 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Yah, chill out. He can look, but not touch <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'> The fact that he told you means one of two things, and you'll know which. Either he's being honest and good and all and you have nothing to worry about, or he's being honest and bad and all and you're toast. You'll know by how he acts. From the sound of it, yer all good.

10-13-2001, 12:41 AM	#16
Guest Posts: n/a	if hes known her for 10 years dont worry cuz im sure hes had plenty of oppurtunity to be with her and never has so ur the one on his arm not her, no worries

10-13-2001, 08:46 AM	#17
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	I'm not worried... I just don't want to set myself up for disaster that I think I can avoid. When I talked to him about this yesterday, he thought it was absurd of me to think anything of such kind and got really passionate about it all. So, I may be wrong, but... I don't think he's lying. But, still: I will keep my eyes open.

10-14-2001, 10:45 PM	#18
EVOtekS14bDIFter Leaky Injector Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 70 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	If the two of you break up, SO WHAT?  It means it wasn't meant to be and any a smart, pretty girl like you could find someone better.  I'm pretty much screwed because I'm married, but if I wasn't I'd be your friend so that when you do break up with him, I'll hook up with you.

10-15-2001, 08:08 AM	#19
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	lol, thanks! :biggrin:

10-16-2001, 05:59 PM	#20
Guest Posts: n/a	Everyone is different but heres my 2cents A crush is something more, I had this big crush on this one girl where I could only think about her but it gradually went away. I see her talking to other guys and i feel nothing as before i used to get jelous. I do have some attractive female friends, but no attraction at all thats possible but hey dosent mean i wouldnt sleep with em. So keep your eyes open.

10-16-2001, 11:57 PM	#21
Chokudori Zilvia Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Colorado Posts: 249 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	hmmm, I think it just depends on how horny your bf is. hehehe...  j/k... well, kinda serious. So how horny is your bf? If you think he is very much so, then I think there's a chance that he might do something.

10-17-2001, 10:36 AM	#22
JeffNJ Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 550 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Use of the word 'crush' in my book is kinda big.  But, it certainly depends on what that means.  There's a difference between 'being attacted to' someone and 'having a crush on' someone - if you ask me.  Being attracted to someone, as I am to several of my female friends, means I wouldn't mind dating them should the opportunity ever arise.  But a 'crush', to me, that's only for when I downright want to go out with them. If this is the wrong answer, I'm sorry to bring you down.  Just chalk it up to me defining crush differently.  I've been attracted to other women while dating a girlfriend and had no intentions of anything outside the relationship at all.  If your boyfriend, s13girl, just uses the word 'crush' differently, then it's probably completely normal.  But if he means 'crush' the way I've always believed the word 'crush' was meant to be used, well, then, uhm, I have to admit, I'd be a lot more concerned. Just my very belated two cents.

10-17-2001, 10:42 AM	#23
drifterx Premium Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: boston, ma Age: 40 Posts: 1,533 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	S13grl: take it from me... ALL GUYS ARE ASSHOLES! INCLUDING ME! if he could get in her pants, he would.... guys are often confused abt "crush" "affections" and "pure physical attaction" ... men and women are different, girls sees people as a total package (for the most part) and guys see "####! I WOULD LOVE TO BANG HER" if i was u, i would be worried.... however, if he stays faithful then u should stop giving him crap.... and if one day he cheated on u... just say ohhh well... he is a guy and dump his ass till u can find a guy who does cheat (good luck) or find a guy u cant catch him cheating....

10-17-2001, 11:04 AM	#24
S13Grl Married to the Mob Join Date: Dec 2000 Age: 40 Posts: 3,670 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	I agree with you guys. But, I really can't just break up with him based up on presumptions. So, I'll wait and see what happens. Thank you so much for all your inputs, you're awesome!!! Jeff, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. That's the exact thing I thought about when I heard this from him. But, I guess he does use the word "crush" quite a bit differently than I do.