Remember that text message from last night?

[ThatGuy]

Well, somebody remembers it...

(617): Did you hit it?
(616): Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.

(972): Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
(469): Ya, why?
(972): We should try that some time.

(718): There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...

(901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
(813): sounds like you understand them just fine

(755): How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?

(970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
(970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

I've been laughing for the last 20 mins off these things.
texts from last night (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/)

[BustedS13]

(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.HA HA HA SO REAL

there should be a voting system in place to shame the fake ones! >: (


(207): saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
(513): I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.

[iHeartTheTouge]

i just read the whole page, my day doesnt suck anymore. maybe it does, its 10pm and i'm in my jammies.

[KoukiMonsta]

i love that site lol

[C. Senor]

(917): Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
(212): Vagina

LMAO! this made me freakin laugh. that site is awesome.

[Bubbles]

So far the Tijuana one made me laugh the most.

That site definitely rules though.

[MunsonAuto]

Good find...I've gone through the entire main page already...working on the march page now haha.

[Freddy]

(202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
(408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.zing!!!!!!

[deolio]

why must the internet have so many ways to waste my time!?

[zenki.life]

why must the internet have so many ways to waste my time!?

so true. first zilvia(not really but i do spend way to much time on here) then ebay(yes i ebay!) then all those crazy random sites that get you addicted till it becomes....oh look 1:52 AM and still not in bed. ok im going to bed now!

(303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
(303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

[DALAZ_68]

(859): I feel like death. Did you die last night?
(305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
(859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus



FUCKING WIN :bowrofl: :bowrofl:


440): I love you
(720): are you drunk
(440): yes but I def love you, we should get married
(720): But I'm Jewish
(440): embrace Jesus


cant.stop.laughing

[Future240]

fail blog, fml, and now this, sigh....................

[ThatGuy]

(586): I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
(586): I thought that was really considerate


:rofl: :ddog: :rofl: :ddog: :rofl: :ddog:

[MunsonAuto]

baahahahahaha...one of my favorites so far:
(925): I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
(713): Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...

(248): toast her oven
(1-248): toast her strudel
(248): inspect her gadget

[deolio]

(443): sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
(336): I know, I was there.

(908): If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
(1-908): You dont have to pay it.
(908): I'm going to jail.

winnar

[SochBAT]

Jail > debt.

Not from the site, but i got a random one from a chick friend.

Verbatim!

"i'm soo drunfkk. Want pics of me chooochie?"
"Fuck, i shat my pants?"

then got a drunk call. So much win/fail.

[smink]

(404): Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
(310): So you didn't like Bolt?



My life makes sense...

[dynamicck]

(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

LOL

[smink]

(413): I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on

(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

(314): I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.

(509): My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

(406): Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.

[Killa_D]

(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

LOL
best one lol

[flip3d]

(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian


man, i LOL'd so hard @ this.

[tricky_ab]

(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

Chalk full of win right here!!!

[blasting_speed]

^^^^^^^^^^
Wow that's sick.

[razmus]

(214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
(1-214): Mike i'm at church right now...


(330): Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.


(914): omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch



856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell



314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.



603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate



Best site ever... hahahaha

[tricky_ab]

(403): you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

(770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
(404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
(770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea

(630): Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.

Now I have my co workers looking at me like I'm crazy since I'm laughing so hard...

[iwishiwas-all*]

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

[Blurryeyes]

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...


This made me lol

[Flicktitty]

awesome site!

(910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
(910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

[Somnambulist]

Hahahahaha

(813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

[ravinaziankid]

I LOLed at this

(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

[SR2Zero]

(727): wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oo
(727): ooooooooooooo i'm drink

[SochBAT]

^^

That one is pretty lame.

[highwaystar22]

(907): so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?

And

(609): ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.


There are so many amazing ones.

[DALAZ_68]

honestly...spent more than half the day on the site...LOLing all day...

[kevmeistah21]

(325): i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..

[tricky_ab]

I have a few people in the office on this site. We can't get enough...My favorite of the day...

(218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

[mavrick243]

I just sat on that sit for 4 hours. Busting up laughing almost the entire time.

[ThatGuy]

(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.

(615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

(813): I'm fucking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherfucker
(813): She's next.

Always good for laughs.

[illxs14]

(714): we're chasing vodka with high fives
lol

(617): come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs

[Mkiisupra1982]

(734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
(1-734): what was she crying about?
(734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

Bahahaha

(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

[punxva]

wow great find heres a few i lol'd at in class today

(937): I'll bet she douches with gravy.

(858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

(508): just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them

(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie

(206): Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?

[Soup Nazi]

(214):

856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell











:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Shells]

(602) Man, those "texts" from that website are so funny! There's no way they could be fake.
(480) Yea man, I agree. They put the area code in front to prove it's real.

[tricky_ab]

God this site saved my ass today...My work day would have been LONG without this site.

Favorite text of the day:

(202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

[DALAZ_68]

bringing this back from the dead...

the halloween ones are ridonculous...


(513) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54624)




(570) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54593)



so much more i dont have time to post lol

Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever. (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54633)

[ThatGuy]

I read those the other day, and literally cracked up at work when I read the Jesus Costume one.

[zenki.life]

going through them now again. so much win on this site

[DALAZ_68]

I read those the other day, and literally cracked up at work when I read the Jesus Costume one.
i did to...at work... :doh: so worth it...



(662) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54416)

[hOngsterr]

(760): You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl? (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54720)

(860) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/860): she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54677)"permaboner"

(419) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/419): Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life. (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54679)

(516) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54670)



haha had to contribute to the halloween ones.

[LeftNutOfGowd]

(715) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54752)

(908) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/908): Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54754)

(803) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/803): I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out. (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54727)

[tricky_ab]

(816) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/816): She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54761)"I'm a cheating whore"

You can select all songs and change it to one name? Thats dangerous.

[Future240]

Every since Barry put it up I have been addicted to it.

[DALAZ_68]

(516) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54162)


to soo...?


(484) (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/areacode/484): He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/54157)

[deolio]

i love reading ones from my area code

(650): i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.

(415): did we hook up?
(925): no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt

(415): From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

(415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

[DALAZ_68]

(971): you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?


i think i met said person...and won...

[Martino]

HAHAHA, this ones funny.



(412): i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on

[DALAZ_68]

(352): You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.

had me rollin


i cant wait for the ones of new years...