Random story...

[speedgod^s13]

Got this story, from my local forum. Discus...:drama:

When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.

I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn't aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.

Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed.

I walk in to a candle holocaust. She's been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.

Now I'm sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town.

She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can't stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear "I want to make you go in my mouth." I **** love women.

So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my **** out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.

She stuck her finger up my ass.

My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.

I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.

No, you aren't understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit and multiple it by forty-two and you'll have an idea of what flew out of me.

And gents, when I say flew, I don't mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.

I know it hit her. I didn't see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW" but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the tits.

I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I heard the bathroom door shut and I just lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I've ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.

Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit (thought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.

I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around 1/3 into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.

I stand there, holding 2/3's of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, trying to ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.

Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks (I skipped the bandaid) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom you think "hey not so bad today," but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY SHIT!". It was one of those moments.

The scene is burned behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the GF but at this point I considered it a blessing.

I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.

Then I left. I avoided my GF's calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I shit on her". And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don't THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.

:tweak: :eek: :tweak: :eek: :tweak: :eek2: :barf: :barf: :rofl: :faint: :faint: :bowrofl: :wtf: :wtf:

[lil240sx95]

hahahaahahaha wtf?!?!?!?!? thats some sickkkk shit!

[Daniel.]

Funny but the Tucker Max one is better.

http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/tucker_tries_buttsex_hilarity_does_not_ensue.phtml

Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue

I spent the summer between my 2nd and 3rd year of college suckling on the parental teat in South Florida. It was the absolute prime of my "do anything to get laid" phase. I was recently freed from a 4-year long-distance relationship that began in high school and I wanted nothing more than to have sex with as many girls as possible.

Most of the things I did that summer are not story-worthy; you can only tell the same, "I got drunk on Dom and fucked this hottie" story so many times before it gets annoying. That summer I experienced every random sex situation that a 20 year old can imagine: fucking on the beach, getting head from random girls in club bathrooms, sleeping with 3 different girls in a day, getting so drunk I passed out during sex, getting arrested for receiving fellatio in the pool at the Delano, blah, blah, blah...Jesus. What does it say about how fucked up my life is that I don't consider these stories to be extraordinary anymore?

Anyway, while most of my stories may not be extraordinary for me, there is one very notable exception...

I was seeing one girl, "Jaime," about twice a week. She was a fresh arrival to South Beach, having moved there 5 months ago from upstate New York as a 19 year old with a modeling contract. We met through a mutual friend who befriended her while they were shooting a TV commercial. Five weeks and lots of sex later, she thought we were dating. I knew better, but she was way too hot to bother correcting her assumption.

The ex-girlfriend of 4-years I previously spoke about was very sexually conservative. It was missionary in the dark and then straight to sleep, with maybe a blowjob on the weekends if she'd had a few glasses of wine with dinner (it was a high school relationship, I didn't know any better). After four years of this, I was ready to experience all the things I'd missed out on (when I wasn't cheating on her, of course).

Buttsex, known in the biz as "anal," was one of these unknowns, and I decided that I wanted to try it. Jaime was the perfect partner: very hot and very sweet, and more importantly, very naïve and very open to suggestion.

She was reluctant at first, not understanding why we just couldn't keep having normal sex, so I had to employ my persuasive powers:

Jaime "But...I've never done it."
Tucker "I've never done it either; it can be our thing."

Jaime "But...I don't know if I'll like it."
Tucker "You won't have to worry about getting pregnant."

Jaime "But...I like normal sex."
Tucker "Everyone's doing anal. It's the new black."

Jaime "But...I don't know...it seems weird."
Tucker "It's the preferred method in Europe. Especially with the runway models. Don't you want to do runways in Europe?"

After a few weeks of this, she finally consented. Though she agreed to let me put my penis in her small hole, she extracted a promise in return:

"OK, we can try anal sex, but I want it to be special and romantic. You have to take me out to a nice place, like The Forge or Tantra, NOT one of your parent's restaurants, and it has to be a weekend night, NOT a Monday. And you have to keep taking me out on weekends. I'm tired of being your Monday night girl."

I made reservations for the next Friday at Tantra. Aside from being insanely expensive, Tantra is famous for having grass floors. Really; they put in new sod every week. They also advertise their food as "aphrodisiac cuisine." Yes, at that point in my life, I thought these things worked.

Thanks to my father's connections, I got us a corner booth in the grass room. She was quite impressed. I ordered like it was the Last Supper. No expense was spared. Two $110 bottles of merlot, veal rack, stone crabs, the Tantra Love platter--it was lavish and decadent. I was 21, stupid, and wanted to fuck Jaime in the butt; I wasn't about to let a $400 tab get in my way.

By the time we left Tantra, this girl had doe eyes that made Bambi look like a heroin-chic CK model. She could not have been more in love with me. The entire drive back to my place she was rubbing my crotch, telling me how badly she wanted to me to fuck her, how hot I made her, etc, etc. We get back to my place and our clothes are off before we even get in the door. We collapse on the bed and start fucking. Normal vaginal sex at first, just like always.

Now, what she did not know, and what I have not told you yet, was that I had a surprise waiting for her.

[Aside: Before I tell you what the surprise was, let me make this clear: As I stand right now, 27 as of this writing, I am a bad person. At 21, I was possibly the worst person in existence. I had no regard for the feelings of others, I was narcissistic and self-absorbed to the point of psychotic delusion, and I saw other people only as a means to my happiness and not as humans worthy of respect and consideration. I have no excuse for what I did; it was wrong and I regret it. Even though I normally revel in my outlandish behavior, sometimes even I cross the line, and this is one of those situations....but of course, I'm still going to write about it.]

This was going to be my first time foraging in the ass forest, and I wanted to have a reminder of my trip, a memento I could carry with me the rest of my life...so I decided to film us.

I planned this beforehand, but I was afraid she would decline, so instead of being mature and discussing this with Jaime, I just made the executive decision to get it on camera...without telling her.

That alone is pretty bad. But instead of just setting up a hidden camera...I got my friend to hide in my closet and film it.

No really--I know that I will burn in hell. At this point, I'm just hoping that my life can serve as a warning to others.

I left my door unlocked and we arranged it so that around midnight my friend would go over to my place and wait until my car pulled in, and then run into the closet and get the camera ready. The top half of the closet door was a French shutter, so it was easy to move the slats and give him a decent camera shot through the closed door.

By the time Jaime and I got to the bed, I was so drunk I had forgotten that he was filming this, and of course she had no idea he was there. After a few minutes of standard sex, she kinda stopped and said, all serious and in her best seductive soap opera voice, "I'm ready."

I quickly flipped her over and grabbed the brand new bottle of AstroGlide I had on my bedside table.

A week prior, after Jaime consented to buttsex, I realized that I didn't have any idea how to do it. How exactly do you fuck a girl in the ass? Luckily, I had the world's best anal sex informational resource at my disposal: The gay waiter. I consulted several gay waiters who worked at one of my parents restaurants about the mechanics of buttsex, and each one recommended AstroGlide as the lubricant of choice. Much to my dismay, I learned that spitting on your dick is not enough lube for buttsex. Stupid, lying porn movies.

The other important piece of advice I remembered was from Calvin, "Make sure you use enough, because if this is her first time, she'll be especially tight, and it might hurt her. Use enough to really loosen her up and go slow until she gets used to it. Then it's smooth sailing from there."

Well, since some is good, more is better, right? At 21, this seemed logical.

I opened the cap, crammed the bottle top into her asshole, and squeezed. I probably emptied half of the 4-ounces of AstroGlide into her. I have since learned from homosexuals that a 4-ounce bottle usually lasts them about 6 months. So yeah--I overdid it.

But Tucker Max wasn't done. Oh no, after depositing enough grease in her to run a Formula One racecar, I dumped half of what remained onto my cock and balls, really wanting to lube up because I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.

Really--consider my thought process: I was going to fuck her in the butt and film it without her consent, yet I was truly concerned about her personal comfort. Sometimes the contradictions in my personality even amuse me.

Predictably, I slid in with ease. She was a little tense at first, but with an Exxon Valdez size load spilled into her poop chute, she quickly loosened up and got into it. I liked it also; it had a different feel to it. Not as good as vaginal sex, a little grainy, kinda tight, but still very nice.

Before I knew it I was fucking her like the apocalypse was imminent, burying it to the hilt with impunity. After a few minutes I was ready to come. My urgency was expressed in my tempo, and I began really jackhammering her. As the excitement got the best of me, I pulled out too far and my dick came out of her ass. I kinda scrambled to grab my dick and put it back in so I could finish off inside of her, but before I could even get a hold of it and put it back in her ass, I heard a faint "psssst" sound and felt something wet and warm hit my crotch.

It was dark in the room (I was not smart or sober enough to leave the lights on for the camera), so after I looked down it took me a few seconds to realize that my dick, balls and groin area were covered in a viscous black liquid. I stopped moving and stared at my strangely colored crotch for a good 5 seconds, completely confused, until I realized what happened:

"Did you...did you just...shit on my dick??"

I reached down to touch the liquid feces, still in complete and utter disbelief that this girl shot explosive diarrhea on my penis, when, without warning, the smell hit me.

I have a very sensitive nose, and I have never been more repulsed by a smell in my life. The combination of synthetic AstroGlide and rancid stench of raw fecal matter combined to turn my stomach, which was full of seafood, veal and wine, completely over.

I tried to hold it back. I really did everything I could to stop myself, but there are certain physical reactions that are beyond conscious control. Before I knew what I was doing, it just came out:

"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

I vomited all over her ass. Into her crack. Into her asshole. On her ass cheeks. On the small of her back. Everywhere.

She turned her head, said, "Tucker, what are you doing?," saw me vomiting on her, screamed "Oh my God!," and immediately joined me:

"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

Watching her throw up on my bed made me vomit even more. Her vomiting all over my bed, me vomiting on her ass, the next step was almost inevitable.

I heard the loud CRASH first, turned to see my friend break through the shutters and rip the closet door off as he, the video camera, and the door tumbled out of the closet and crashed onto the floor next to us:

"BBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

The memory of the 2-second span where all three of us were vomiting at once is permanently seared into my brain. I have never heard anything like that symphony of sickness. It was like something out of the old Pink Panther movies.

I think the crowning moment was when my eyes locked with Jaime's, I saw her moment of realization and then her quick shift from shock and surprise to complete and irreparable anger. Between bouts of hurling she flipped out:

"OH MY GOD--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--YOU FILMED THIS, YOU ASSHOLE-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH-- HOW COULD YOU-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--OH MY GOD-- BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH--I LET YOU FUCK ME IN THE ASS--BBBLLLLAAAAHHHH."

She tried to stand up, slipped on the huge puddle of backflow AstroGlide on the bed, and fell into both my pile and her pile of vomit, covering her body and hair in vomit, shit and anal lubricant. She flailed on the bed for a second, grabbed the top sheet, wrapped it around her, and started running out of my place. Still naked and retching, my dick covered in shit and oil, I followed her as far as my front door.

The last contact I ever had with her is the image I witnessed of her in a dead sprint, a shit, vomit and grease stained sheet stuck to her body, running from my apartment.


POST-SCRIPT:

The camera we used was one of those old fragile ones that filmed onto a VHS tape, and when he crashed out of the closet, the tape recorder and tape broke. It didn't occur to us at that the tape records the images magnetically, and we could take the actual tape itself and get someone to put it in another holster until after we had thrown it out. I know it seems stupid now, and believe me I kick myself about it everyday, but you should have seen the apartment afterwards--the tape was not a high priority. AstroGlide, shit and vomit covered EVERYTHING.

I had to rent one of those steam cleaners, buy a new mattress, and I STILL lost my deposit. It was impossible to get the smell out. The next month was like living in a sewer. Every girl I brought back to my place after that refused to stay there, and some even refused to sleep with me anywhere because of how my place smelled.

What I never found out, and I still want to know, is how the girl got home. I never heard from her again, and the mutual friend who introduced us called her but didn't get her calls returned. I never heard anything about her or from her again, even though she left her clothes and ID at my place (she wore a tight dress out that night, and didn't bring a purse or any money with her).

Can you picture that scene? What did she do, hop in taxi? Wave down a passing car? Get on the bus? She lived at least 30 miles away, there is no way she walked home. It perplexes me to this day.

I'm hoping she reads this. Maybe then I'll find out how she got home.

[fromxtor]

That is pretty funny, sucks for your ex. Being w/ a 16 yr old LEGALLY rules.

[legacy927]

LOL........Its worst than 2 girls 1 cup...

[bbejj123]

HAHAHAHA OMG...that shit is hilarious!!!!! kinda sucks though... i dont think i would tell anyone that story tho +1 for telling that shit

[DUFFM4N]

fake or not....i love reading funny stories like this

[ayuaddict]

story

FUCKING awesome!!!!

LOL

[ESmorz]

That is pretty funny, sucks for your ex. Being w/ a 16 yr old LEGALLY rules.

Hell fucking yes it is. Only one more month for me.

I had like my first porn star moment the other night but I don't feel like typing it all out, I'm gonna miss underage girls :-/

[SW20Racer]

gawd, the only thing i can think of is: "this must weigh at least 7 courics!"

[azndoc]

I was actually reading both stories as I'm eating my late lunch.

So funny.

I have a similar story that happened to me which is just as gross and funny. But I won't post it on a public forum. But if your interested in knowing then hit me up on private message and I'll send the story back to you.




































































Seriously if you pm asking for the story then you need to get off the internet and get a life.

[ESmorz]

I highly doubt the complete authenticity of the story, but I re-read and it was better the second time.

I still think mine might be better though, although it wasn't embarrassing.

[tbowzer]

haha that made my day. Awesome on every level..

[pbcstylez]

haha wow, i damn nearly laughed so hard i knocked over my cubicle.... posi rep for u

[illvialuver]

this thread has made me laugh harder than anything I have read ever. damn.

[speedgod^s13]

I actually have a true story of my own. When I lost my virginity, I was 17, and it was at my gf's dad's apartment. He was away for a few hours, so that's when we decided to do the deed. So, i'm banging away missionary style, and loving every sweaty second of it. I tell her that i'm about to come, and she tells me to STOP!!!! So, I pull out, and ask her what's wrong? She tells me, that I need somewhere to spray my man juice. I was thinking, that I was just going to spray it on her stomach, but, that wasn't going to fly. So, she get's up, and grabs a shirt, and tells me to come on that. I was like "WTF??!!", but whatevers. So, I start banging away again, and when i'm ready to unload, I do it as instructed on the shirt, or a towel, I can't remember. (It was a long time ago, though i'm leaning towards a shirt). After i'm done, I look down, and my gf is frozen. I'm not kidding, she didn't move. Her hands were just locked open. She orgasmed so hard, her body froze. I had to comfort her, and her blood started flowing again, and she slowly was able to move everything again. Call me the fucking man. First time, and I caused the mother of all orgasms.

[ESmorz]

I actually have a true story of my own. When I lost my virginity, I was 17, and it was at my gf's dad's apartment. He was away for a few hours, so that's when we decided to do the deed. So, i'm banging away missionary style, and loving every sweaty second of it. I tell her that i'm about to come, and she tells me to STOP!!!! So, I pull out, and ask her what's wrong? She tells me, that I need somewhere to spray my man juice. I was thinking, that I was just going to spray it on her stomach, but, that wasn't going to fly. So, she get's up, and grabs a shirt, and tells me to come on that. I was like "WTF??!!", but whatevers. So, I start banging away again, and when i'm ready to unload, I do it as instructed on the shirt, or a towel, I can't remember. (It was a long time ago, though i'm leaning towards a shirt). After i'm done, I look down, and my gf is frozen. I'm not kidding, she didn't move. Her hands were just locked open. She orgasmed so hard, her body froze. I had to comfort her, and her blood started flowing again, and she slowly was able to move everything again. Call me the fucking man. First time, and I caused the mother of all orgasms.

Either that or a mini-stroke. :fruit:

[tbowzer]

I actually have a true story of my own. When I lost my virginity, I was 17, and it was at my gf's dad's apartment. He was away for a few hours, so that's when we decided to do the deed. So, i'm banging away missionary style, and loving every sweaty second of it. I tell her that i'm about to come, and she tells me to STOP!!!! So, I pull out, and ask her what's wrong? She tells me, that I need somewhere to spray my man juice. I was thinking, that I was just going to spray it on her stomach, but, that wasn't going to fly. So, she get's up, and grabs a shirt, and tells me to come on that. I was like "WTF??!!", but whatevers. So, I start banging away again, and when i'm ready to unload, I do it as instructed on the shirt, or a towel, I can't remember. (It was a long time ago, though i'm leaning towards a shirt). After i'm done, I look down, and my gf is frozen. I'm not kidding, she didn't move. Her hands were just locked open. She orgasmed so hard, her body froze. I had to comfort her, and her blood started flowing again, and she slowly was able to move everything again. Call me the fucking man. First time, and I caused the mother of all orgasms.
hah, she was just being nice dude. She was petrified by your "o" face bro!

[speedgod^s13]

hah, she was just being nice dude. She was petrified by your "o" face bro!

It must have been my "O" face, combined with me busting on the shirt. On the real, it was my sexual skills, and nothing else. :bowrofl:

[spoolandslide]

"My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies."


i just laughed my fucking ass off

and yes having sex with a 16 year old girl legally is fucking awesome
getting dome from a 16 year old girl in your religious friends moms bed with a six foot tall painting of the virgin mary staring into your soul with her all seeing eyes is also awesome... i guess....

[midnightouge]

lmao wow, that is hilarious.

[kouki_silvia]

this thread has made me laugh harder than anything I have read ever. damn.
couldnt of had been said better:rofl: :rofl:

[90hatchie]

i lost my v card behind the mall parking lot lol
first time meeting the girl fucked her popped her cherry went out with her for 2 years (just ended recently) but hey best time was when we were fucking in her house (home alone) and her dad comes home i was 17 she was 16 her dad is a cop
i hear him open door and i thought my life was over
i hid under her blanket for like 20 min her dad went back out
im so glad we diddnt get cought
i was too scared to get it back up so i just went home lmao

[GSXRJJordan]

HAhahaha wow, mad props to the OP for posting that... I think I just woke up my nieghbors I was laughing so hard. And sexin it up with 16yr olds is always cool. Legal or not. Too bad I dig chicks with brains and good jobs now-a-days.

And the tucker max shit was hilarious too, even though it might not be true.

I know all Jack's stories, so just PM me, and I'll tell them to you, without the broken English.
NUMBA ONE FANBOY! lol.

Don't PM me, btw. It's a joke.

[jackjack]

best story EVAR.

:bigok:

[Infamax]

I read this story in another forum I visit. I think it's pretty good. It was created by "Clinton" on the LWS forums.
Katie was my first love. I still have never had feelings for a girl like I did for Katie. She was my everything. I was a little junior in High school, just beginning to drive, just beginning to explore my options. If you know what I mean by that.

Everyday I would go to Katie’s house after school. Every evening I would leave about the time her single mother would get home and begin hitting on me. Katie and I would lay and cuddle while we watched TV, go Lounge around by the pool in her backyard, or just sit and talk. Those were the best times of my life, over at Katie’s.

I guess I was what you could call a… well… I could pass for a jock, but I never had that jock mentality. I excelled in sports and was a fine physical specimen, but I also excelled in school and never took to being a jock. Katie’s mom, Sharon, flirted with me constantly when I was over and was often even open about having sex with me. She always did it jokingly, but I could tell she was serious. Katie however, always played it off as a joke too, so I got in the habit of avoiding Sharon.

Throughout the course of the Junior year I slowly worked up more and more courage around Katie. I was almost ready to go in for a kiss. My first kiss. Obviously, I was also a virgin. I got the impression that Katie was not a virgin, but she always changed the subject when I brought it up.

It got to the point where I was staying the night there most weekends and even sleeping in the same bed as Katie. My friends thought I was banging the hell out of her, but I had yet to even kiss her.

On the last day of Junior year, a bunch of my friends and I decided to skip school and drive to the beach. There were about 20 of us who went total. I drove up with Katie and my best friend Karl. On the way up Karl began prying at our inexistent sex life.

“So… I met this girl and really wanted to have sex with her. How do you think I should tell her?” This actually was not a strange thing for Karl to say. He is a very forward guy.

“Drop a lot of hints to her. If she is interested she will pick up on them.” Katie replied at an alarmingly fast rate. Like this was previously well thought out for her or something.

I looked at her for a second to see if I could read anything from her. Nothing. “I don’t know. I am pretty dense myself, you would need to make sure the hints are very obvious, or even just come out and say it. I wouldn’t get the hints myself most likely. Also, is she the type of girl that would initiate anything? I know, that just out of respect, I would never try to start something sexual with a girl. She would have to initiate it.” I looked over at Katie and made eye contact as I said the last sentence.

It was a lot of fun to hang out with Katie at the beach, and she looked fucking amazing in her bikini. Towards the end of the day I went to go pick us up some pizza. Katie was sunbathing, and looked very relaxed, maybe even asleep. I didn’t bother her. I went by myself to go pick up our pizza.
When I got back about 20 minutes later, most of the kids were gone. There was one other guy in our group that staid with our stuff.

“Oh. Chase. There you are. They all went to climb the giant sand dune. Katie wanted to wait for you, but Karl insisted that you wouldn’t want to go anyway, so they all left.”

Karl was right, I wouldn’t want to climb the sand dune. BUT I would have loved to watch Katie climb the sand dune. Bastard. I began eating some pizza.

The group got back about an hour after I got back. I was asleep, lying on my stomach. I was awoken to a back massage and a gentle voice in my ear. I slowly looked around, no one else was around. Had everyone gone home for the day already?

“Hey Baby. You know how I’ve always wanted to lose my Virginity on a beach. I’ve-“

“I didn’t know you were a virgin.” I tried to interrupt her, to no avail.

“I’ve always wanted to lose it on a beach. My big hunk of a guy, lying there. Me, massaging his bulking muscles. Only one of his muscles on my mind though.” Holy shit. This is fucking insane. Is this really happening? My dick dug a hole to China in the sand.
“As I am rubbing him all over, he turns around. Begins to caress by breasts. Holds me in his arms. Kisses me deeply. Then takes my virginity all over the hot, sandy, lustful beach.”

I was already about to explode. God. I had never been so turned on in my life.

“It finally happened today.” Wait. What the fuck did she just say? “Karl was everything I had hoped for and more.” This is fucking twisted. She has to know what she is doing to me right now.

I’ve never wanted to kill someone so much in my life. For some reason I wasn’t even mad at Karl. I was mad at Katie. How could she be so fucking stupid? How could she not realize I had these feelings for her. SHE DID. SHE MUST HAVE. SHE IS A GOD DAMN USER AND ABUSER. Revenge will be mine.

“I just wanted to share my joy with you, since I love you more than anyone else in the world.” Oh. You love me bitch? Then why don’t you pull my best friends dick out of your dirty cunt. “Are you still going to stay over tonight? I want to fall asleep in your arms.” She continued to rub my back and whisper in a seductive manner.

God. How can I stay mad at her?

“Yeah Katie. Of course I will.”

I am going to be a huge pushover like always, and go stay with her again tonight. Karl found a ride home with someone else. In fact, I didn’t see him or talk to him for the rest of the day. I wonder why.

I dropped Katie off at home and said I was going home to change and shower and that I would be back by in a few hours.

Despite the crushing blow that Karl had fucked Katie, Katie’s backrub turned me on more than I had ever been turned on before. I beat off for seemingly ever in the shower. When I finally got done and dressed, I headed back to Katie’s.

Her mom answered the door. She just peaked her head out the door.

“Can I help you?” She said in a “who the fuck are you” voice.

“I’m sleeping here tonight.” I said sternly. God I hated that bitch.

“Oh? Katie is out with some boy… Karl I think it was?” Oh. Now I remember how I can stay mad at her. Holy shit. Katie must be one sick bitch. “You can come in and wait for her if you want though. I told her she had to be home by midnight.”

I looked at my watch and saw that it was 11:45. I nodded and stepped inside. Sharon was wearing very revealing red lingerie. I was quite certain I could see her right nipple. I stared, obviously for too long. Sharon just stood and let me stare.

“Like what you see?”

Oh shit. I just got caught hardcore. Wait. Idea. Idea.

I stepped forward and began kissing Sharon deeply while rubbing her through her thong. “Oh god,” she said, “I’ve wanted you for so long. Let’s go to my bedroom.”

She began to lead me upstairs. At the top I stopped her and shook my head. I led her the opposite way down the hall into Katie’s room.

“I want to fuck you in here, bitch.” I didn’t give her a chance to answer. I began kissing her deeply and then physically threw her onto Katie’s bed. I climbed into missionary position and began fucking her. After about 5 minutes I was still going. Must have been the masturbation.

“What the fuck!?!”

It was Katie’s sweet voice. I stopped pumping her mother to look up at her.

“Oh. Hey Katie. Guess what, I lost my virginity today too.”

[Farzam]

That is pretty funny, sucks for your ex. Being w/ a 16 yr old LEGALLY rules.

16 is the legal age of consent in our lovely lovely state :naughty:

Best thread EVAR!!!

[origin_s135]

LOL "BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" both story's are funny, made my day!

[speedgod^s13]

That katie story didn't do it for me. I didn't like the style, in which it was written. Some parts, I was actually confused.

[Future240]

I think the mods should sticky this and call it the random story thread.

[s13poop]

It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire

this shit was worth reading

lifted my spirits while at work

thanks for the good laugh man!

[speedgod^s13]

Ok, for you guys + repping me, for sharing this story, I really appreciate it. But, It wasn't me!!! If it was, I doubt I would tell anyone. Even crazier to post it on here!! :loco:

[powersteeringless180sx]

lol funniest thread since the woman don't orgasm thread.

gross but really funny story.

[berz]

fuck its 1 am and all my buddys are pissing our pants with tears of joy

[speedgod^s13]

fuck its 1 am and all my buddys are pissing our pants with tears of joy

Glad I could help. Thing is, what are all of your buddies doing on Zilvia, on a Friday night, at 1 in the morn?

[90hatchie]

circle jerk!!!!
lol jk

[FerretsCanDrift]

I just printed this and handed it out at work. FUNNY SHIT

[emersonLP]

OMG funniest morning ever

[DohcKA]

haha damn... made my freaking weak... hahahahaha DIZZZZAMN

[Phlip]

16 is the legal age of consent in our lovely lovely state :naughty:


At your age, you would be legal in any other state as well, though.
I think the mods should sticky this and call it the random story thread.
No, don't think it's gonna happen... People tend to get out of hand when we append that "random" word to things.

[FRpilot]

I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.



wtf? why?




I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.


to me, this was the funniest part of the story. lol

[touge monster]

^^ LOL i agree.

[ZX88]

omg good story LOL:rofl: :barf::rofl:

[gabe30]

man.. im having the greatest day now.. lol

ps tucker max has some pretty epic stories

[BC240]

I was just browsing through his book the other day, now I might go back and buy it.. rofl

[speedgod^s13]

wtf? why?




to me, this was the funniest part of the story. lol

I don't know, because It wasn't me!!!

[gabe30]

I was just browsing through his book the other day, now I might go back and buy it.. rofl

i read his stories online and i think i am going to buy it too.. its pure genius