slowpo

this is one of the funniest thing ever.

Dearest Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
This past August, some of you were aware that I took a one-week trip to Uganda for Rev. Jim Osborne's Miracle Faith Fest™. Now some of you probably never heard of Uganda, but it is a country in eastern Africa, better known as the country that Idi Amin the cannibalistic dictator ruled in the 1970's. I went to Uganda because it is one of the nations in Africa with the highest evangelical Christian population percentages (~40%).
I want to tell you that the trip was a complete success, not only for me, but for all the faithful Christians who came to attend. Tickets for the event were $50 U.S. dollars a person. Be aware that half of Uganda's population makes less than US$1.25 a day. Yet, the people who came to the Miracle Faith Fest™ were in the tens of thousands.
Doesn't that excite you to know there are people who love Christ so much, and so praying for a miracle that they are willing to save up 2 months salary to attend my event? That is called faith, my friends! God bless them.
And boy did they come! People desperate to be saved by Christ and cured of illness. Some people came to me suffering from jungle diseases. Others were in wheelchairs or crutches. Many had The AIDS. But, through all the praying and all the further donations we collected ($40,000 in one day alone! Praise Jesus!), most of the people were cured through the power of Jesus! GLORY!
It is a fact that The AIDS, cancer, paralysis, bacterial infections, and all other illnesses can be cured by Jesus. Now some people say "Well, how come not everybody who has those illnesses gets cured?" and I respond: "Because, they didn't have enough faith!"
Here are some photos of the event with some captions below.

Here I am greeting the crowd on the first day with Pastor Julius Mbamuta. Special thanks to my stylist Tina for the catchy wardrobe. We hold our Bibles high and stir the energy to conjure up mystical Jesus healing powers! Amen!

Here I am blessing the audience. This was on the 2nd day and we actually had more people than the first day. Thousands turned over every dollar they had to my ministry, hoping for a miracle cure. They are indeed blessed by Jesus, for they are like the widow in Mark 12:41-44.

Here I talk to a woman and her son who were both cured of The AIDS. They both received the disease from a deranged gorilla who raped both of them a couple years ago. Yet here she is, right in front of me, completely cured! Praise Jesus! Oh and to all those who accuse me of being racist against negroes, look how close I am standing to her. Would a racist stand so close?

This woman was paralyzed since the age of 12! She was infected by some kind of insect that transmitted some mysterious virus to her. She was in a wheelchair for 20 years, yet when she was in the audience, and praying hard, the Holy Spirit came all over her and she began to rise and walk! She promptly walked up onstage and gave her testimony of the power of faith in God! To her right is my associate pastor Rev. Roy Powers who manages my new Tithing and Donation Accounts

Here I am on the final day with Pastor David Oloharu. We wish our dear African friends goodbye, and remind them they are blessed by God as evidenced by all the miracles that were performed by me. We then thanked them for their generous donations and were then on our way.

All and all it was a wonderful trip. To be honest, I was a bit apprehensive being surrounded by so many negroes at once, but the African variety of the species are much more passive and hospitable than the American type. I was definitely at ease with them. They were all smiles and praising Jesus. What wonderful people they were! I will definitely be back next year and hopefully we can get more people to come (the economy should be better so that's what we're expecting).
Yours in Christ,
Rev. Jim Osborne

S14DB

You know this is fake and racist right?

Landover Baptist Church - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Comments should be taken as Opinions not as Statements of Fact

ronmcdon

Landover's sense of sarcasm (they are trying to emulate & exaggerate Christian fundamentalists) does sometimes go a bit too far.
Some of the more controversial themes are probably done for the sake of humor, rather than malice.

I LUV MY S13

"negroes" are a species now? fuck this guy claiming to heal ppl with magical powers...real or not

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-Jorge

ronmcdon

why wouldn't they be?
all humans are of the 'homo sapien' species.

regardless, it's meant to be controversial humor.

slowpo

thank you for having a sense of humor. People nowadays take shit too seriously

ThatGuy

It's making fun of Religion, and Racial Tension.

Gee, why would anyone EVER take those topics seriously?


Whatever. I read it, and found it to be unfunny.

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slowpo

let me take a wild guess are you a white guy living in the south. Maybe that's why you don't find it funny

Phlip

Let me take a wild guess, you're a closet racist who calls OTHER people racist when they tell you that bullshit like this is not funny.
Because it is not funny, not even close.

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And I write too!

ThatGuy

I'm sorry, are you trying to throw stereotypes at me now?

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"Speak softly,..." -Pres. Teddy Roosevelt
"Be polite, be professional, ..." -Gen. James Mattis

SexPanda

Wow. A woman and her son raped by a gorilla. I had to make sure it was spelled gorilla, and not guerrilla. And this little gem: Charging 50 bucks a person in an extremely poor country like Uganda... There is so much fucked up about that article. So very much.

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