"Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay" - Zilvia.net Forums | Nissan 240SX (Silvia) and Z (Fairlady) Car Forum

Anto · 04-19-2008, 06:25 AM

Quote:

These are the winners of the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
– Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
– Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
– Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
– Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
– Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
– Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
– Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/[email protected] but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/[email protected] by mistake
– Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
– Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
– Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
– Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like”Second Tall Man.”
– Russell Beland, Springfield

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
– Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
– Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
– Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
– Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
– Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
– Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

OG Link

hahaha

eds13 · 04-19-2008, 08:19 AM

lmao! yeah, those are pretty bad

mrpeepers · 04-19-2008, 08:24 AM

hahahahah roflburger all the way!

This thread made me laugh like the way a hyena laughs.

oh wait...that actually made sense

RurouniMidnight · 04-19-2008, 08:51 AM

Those are pretty funny and some just dumb but i did like this one i didn't think it was all that bad and kinda clever.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like”Second Tall Man.”– Russell Beland, Springfield

SW20Racer · 04-19-2008, 09:14 AM

this sounds suspiciously like the unadulterated bullshit i would write in highschool...

Ian · 04-19-2008, 09:29 AM

most of these are from DC area where I'm from haha

I'm gonna look into this more

jackjack · 04-19-2008, 09:49 AM

what the hell......... fail. ahahhahhaahha.

SW20Racer · 04-19-2008, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ian

most of these are from DC area where I'm from haha

I'm gonna look into this more

let me know if the bitches is hot! usually the dumb ones are...

edt: ungh ungh! 1000 posts! ungh ungh! 1000 posts! lemme hear you say uuuuunnnggghhhhhhh.....!

DOOK · 04-19-2008, 09:54 AM

anyone else noticed that this guy, Russell Beland, Springfield, had like 4 or 5 of them... he must be a fucking genius

lucky7 · 04-19-2008, 09:57 AM

Quote:

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
– Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

rofl. i was dying. that shit is hi-larious.

Rnz520 · 04-19-2008, 09:58 AM

hahaha I also noticed these are from my area too, wtf. We are supposed to have a good school system...

SW20Racer · 04-19-2008, 10:01 AM

shit like this make me wish i had saved my essays from highshool. i could've been an internet legend...

**ThatGuy** · 04-19-2008, 10:11 AM

I think it took more creativity to create these poor analogies then it would to make analogies that make sense. These are some witty highschoolers.

mrpeepers · 04-19-2008, 10:26 AM

^^^ future writers of our future favorite sitcoms

bigOdom1 · 04-19-2008, 10:32 AM

that stuff is pretty funny

LookOut Nick · 04-19-2008, 10:37 AM

hahahaha so good i woke my roomates up with my laughter

*!Zar!* · 04-19-2008, 10:54 AM

Glad to know my tax money is going to such good use.

ayuaddict · 04-19-2008, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThatGuy

I think it took more creativity to create these poor analogies then it would to make analogies that make sense. These are some witty highschoolers.

my thoughts exactly.

boogerlovers · 04-19-2008, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anto

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
– Jennifer Hart, Arlington

my favorite haha...i hated those word problems...

Flipzide · 04-19-2008, 03:04 PM

Apparently those were part of some humor contest.

I laughed. Very good stuff.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thesmothete

Mar 23rd, 2008 at 4:50 am

These are entries in the Washington Post Style Invitational humor contest. They are not real.

Squirrel82 · 04-20-2008, 05:44 PM

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
– Russell Beland, Springfield

Good stuff.

jspaeth · 04-20-2008, 06:59 PM

Great shit man lol

Forte EXE · 04-20-2008, 07:36 PM

Ahaha, the majority of those where from my area, lmao.

sidewayz240 · 04-20-2008, 07:38 PM

Hahaha, my english teacher actually gave us a hand out with a bunch of those on it about a month ago. To teach us what...? i dont know, but some are pretty funny.

aziankingz · 04-20-2008, 08:47 PM

too much drugs out on the streets these days..

errolorion · 04-20-2008, 09:28 PM

this is stupid

why arent you modding your car

"this thread is as stupid as my rep bar"

98s14inaz · 04-20-2008, 09:49 PM

Oh man, that killed me. I seriously lol'd. Thanks

awesomenick · 04-20-2008, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DOOK

anyone else noticed that this guy, Russell Beland, Springfield, had like 4 or 5 of them... he must be a fucking genius

First thing I noticed. Funny shit.

errolorion · 04-20-2008, 10:43 PM

"i need this thread like a mexican needs another beer"

ByeByeSti · 04-20-2008, 10:44 PM

kind of retarded, but some are funny..
the last 3 years i kind of skipped out on writing papers in english. prob the reason i failed twice, but hey w/e happens happens.

04-19-2008, 08:19 AM	#2
eds13 Zilvia FREAK! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: teh VA dawg Posts: 1,285 Trader Rating: (1) Feedback Score: 1 reviews	lmao! yeah, those are pretty bad __________________

04-19-2008, 08:51 AM	#4
RurouniMidnight Zilvia FREAK! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Houston TX Age: 38 Posts: 1,245 Trader Rating: (12) Feedback Score: 12 reviews	Those are pretty funny and some just dumb but i did like this one i didn't think it was all that bad and kinda clever. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like”Second Tall Man.”– Russell Beland, Springfield __________________ http://nightparade.wordpress.com/ Join in on instagram @nightparade

04-19-2008, 09:54 AM	#9
DOOK Post Whore! Join Date: May 2007 Location: Land of Milk and Cookies Age: 38 Posts: 7,552 Trader Rating: (3) Feedback Score: 3 reviews	anyone else noticed that this guy, Russell Beland, Springfield, had like 4 or 5 of them... he must be a fucking genius __________________ <------ Grumpy Old Asshole MY REVIEW THREAD: Ltdnismoracer4=DOOK http://www.zilvia.net/f/showthread.p...ltdnismoracer4

04-19-2008, 09:58 AM	#11
Rnz520 Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Culpeper Age: 32 Posts: 388 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	hahaha I also noticed these are from my area too, wtf. We are supposed to have a good school system... __________________ *93 240sx:KA-T, FLTA-2s, MR TR, Greddy F&R bars, Greddy gauges, Cusco brace, etc

04-19-2008, 10:11 AM	#13
ThatGuy Admin Asshole Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Retired Age: 41 Posts: 20,394 Trader Rating: (0) Rides Gallery: ThatGuy Feedback Score: 0 reviews	I think it took more creativity to create these poor analogies then it would to make analogies that make sense. These are some witty highschoolers. __________________ "Speak softly,..." -Pres. Teddy Roosevelt "Be polite, be professional, ..." -Gen. James Mattis

04-19-2008, 08:24 AM	#3
mrpeepers Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Central New Jersey Posts: 322 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	hahahahah roflburger all the way! This thread made me laugh like the way a hyena laughs. oh wait...that actually made sense

04-19-2008, 09:14 AM	#5
SW20Racer Nissanaholic! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Beaumont Age: 36 Posts: 1,633 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	this sounds suspiciously like the unadulterated bullshit i would write in highschool...

04-19-2008, 09:49 AM	#7
jackjack Post Whore! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Chi Posts: 2,899 Trader Rating: (2) Feedback Score: 2 reviews	what the hell......... fail. ahahhahhaahha.

04-19-2008, 10:01 AM	#12
SW20Racer Nissanaholic! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Beaumont Age: 36 Posts: 1,633 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	shit like this make me wish i had saved my essays from highshool. i could've been an internet legend...

04-19-2008, 10:26 AM	#14
mrpeepers Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Central New Jersey Posts: 322 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	^^^ future writers of our future favorite sitcoms

04-19-2008, 10:32 AM	#15
bigOdom1 Nissanaholic! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Auburn/Birmingham AL Age: 37 Posts: 1,817 Trader Rating: (4) Rides Gallery: bigOdom1 Feedback Score: 4 reviews	that stuff is pretty funny __________________ my car domain that good review thread

04-19-2008, 10:37 AM	#16
LookOut Nick Zilvia Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: East Coast Age: 36 Posts: 816 Trader Rating: (0) Rides Gallery: LookOut Nick Feedback Score: 0 reviews	hahahaha so good i woke my roomates up with my laughter __________________ *Team Pterodactyl*

04-19-2008, 10:54 AM	#17
!Zar! Premium Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: North Korea Posts: 14,576 Trader Rating: (27) Feedback Score: 27 reviews	Glad to know my tax money is going to such good use. __________________

04-20-2008, 05:44 PM	#21
Squirrel82 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: College Park MD Age: 39 Posts: 11 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. – Russell Beland, Springfield Good stuff.

04-20-2008, 06:59 PM	#22
jspaeth Nissanaholic! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Philadelphia suburbs Age: 37 Posts: 2,347 Trader Rating: (7) Rides Gallery: jspaeth Feedback Score: 7 reviews	Great shit man lol __________________ Daily driven

04-20-2008, 07:36 PM	#23
Forte EXE Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Northern VA Posts: 318 Trader Rating: (2) Feedback Score: 2 reviews	Ahaha, the majority of those where from my area, lmao. __________________

04-20-2008, 07:38 PM	#24
sidewayz240 Zilvia Junkie Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Toronto Age: 31 Posts: 327 Trader Rating: (6) Feedback Score: 6 reviews	Hahaha, my english teacher actually gave us a hand out with a bunch of those on it about a month ago. To teach us what...? i dont know, but some are pretty funny. __________________ -Trevor

04-20-2008, 08:47 PM	#25
aziankingz Nissanaholic! Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: NYC Age: 38 Posts: 1,735 Trader Rating: (28) Feedback Score: 28 reviews	too much drugs out on the streets these days..

04-20-2008, 09:28 PM	#26
errolorion Leaky Injector Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: SD Age: 31 Posts: 70 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	this is stupid why arent you modding your car "this thread is as stupid as my rep bar"

04-20-2008, 09:49 PM	#27
98s14inaz Zilvia FREAK! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Nonya Posts: 1,367 Trader Rating: (1) Feedback Score: 1 reviews	Oh man, that killed me. I seriously lol'd. Thanks __________________ -Retired

04-20-2008, 10:43 PM	#29
errolorion Leaky Injector Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: SD Age: 31 Posts: 70 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	"i need this thread like a mexican needs another beer"

04-20-2008, 10:44 PM	#30
ByeByeSti Banned from the Marketplace Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New Hampshire Age: 31 Posts: 803 Trader Rating: (0) Feedback Score: 0 reviews	kind of retarded, but some are funny.. the last 3 years i kind of skipped out on writing papers in english. prob the reason i failed twice, but hey w/e happens happens.

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