so i come back from basic to this

[crioten]

while i was off at basic training at fort leonard wood (im on my christmas exodus right now) one of my best friends decided life wasnt worth living anymore, and killed himself about 2-3 weeks ago... and i just found out about it 3 days ago

now im trying to get some kind of memorial in his honor together, but i really cant think of annything to do except this:

he and i were working on restoring/building up his '69 SS camaro when i left and he decided that it would be put on hold until i got back... anyway, i was thinking of asking his parents if i could buy it off them and then finish the project in his honor. ya know, keeping the dream alive sorta thing

but here lies the problem, his parents kinda blame all of his friends for doing this to himself (they are just serching for a scapegoat right now to put all the emotional blame on) so im not sure if i should ask them if i could buy the car from them...im worried that it might really upset them or something

what do you think i should do in this situation? ask them or do nothing? id really like to do this for him, but at the same time i want to respect his parents, know what i mean? how should i go about asking them if i do go ahead and ask?

thanks all,
glen

[S14DB]

...but here lies the problem, his parents kinda blame all of his friends for doing this to himself (they are just serching for a scapegoat right now to put all the emotional blame on) so im not sure if i should ask them if i could buy the car from them...im worried that it might really upset them or something...
I would stay away till they get more emotionaly sound. They have a lot of baggage to work thru and you want to stay under the radar till they work thru it. You will know if they decide to sell the car.

[AlligatorBling]

Sorry to hear about your loss, I had a friend turn the gun on himself about 10 months ago or so... really makes you wonder. Lots of unanswered questions, and the thing is, the one who had all the answers, weather they knew it or not, is now gone. Let his folks get there nerves together and then explain the reason for you wanting to finish the project, they might like the idea.

[TiNMAN]

sorry for the loss, just give it a little more time, it sounds like a good idea, i wanted to do the same with my friends 74 trans am.

[evilimport]

You didnt see this suicide coming at all?? Did he leave a last note or something like that? What were the reasons he killed himself? Are you sure they dont have a reason to blame his friends (not you in peticular)?

[crioten]

You didnt see this suicide coming at all??
i did not see it coming due to the fact that i was totally out of contact with him while i was in basic training...

Did he leave a last note or something like that?
no last note or anything

What were the reasons he killed himself?
we are still not sure why he did it, im pretty sure that it might have something to do with his girlfriend, but that would just be speculation at this point

Are you sure they dont have a reason to blame his friends (not you in peticular)?
they are only blaming his friends due to the fact that we have always been the "wrong crowd" if you know what i mean... none of us were or are little angels, but that doesnt mean that its our fault that he chose to do what he did

[G_Fish240]

Maybe give it some time?

[TiNMAN]

building that '69 camaro SS sounds sweet, even if it has drum brakes all around!! yea i agree, give it some time!

[idlafie]

while i was off at basic training at fort leonard wood (im on my christmas exodus right now) one of my best friends decided life wasnt worth living anymore, and killed himself about 2-3 weeks ago... and i just found out about it 3 days ago

now im trying to get some kind of memorial in his honor together, but i really cant think of annything to do except this:

he and i were working on restoring/building up his '69 SS camaro when i left and he decided that it would be put on hold until i got back... anyway, i was thinking of asking his parents if i could buy it off them and then finish the project in his honor. ya know, keeping the dream alive sorta thing

but here lies the problem, his parents kinda blame all of his friends for doing this to himself (they are just serching for a scapegoat right now to put all the emotional blame on) so im not sure if i should ask them if i could buy the car from them...im worried that it might really upset them or something

what do you think i should do in this situation? ask them or do nothing? id really like to do this for him, but at the same time i want to respect his parents, know what i mean? how should i go about asking them if i do go ahead and ask?

thanks all,
glen

Glenn....sorry to hear about your loss. No one should ever have to suffer a loss of a family member, loved one or friend as you have. It's unfortunate that your friend couldn't reach out and ask for help in his own time of need. That is the most unfortunate part in all of this.
Your idea of memorializing your friend is an honest & noble one and is very thoughtful of you. However, should you decide to pursue the idea of restoring your friend's '69 SS Camero you'll have to proceed with much caution as emotions are involved.
The only suggestion one can make is to attend both your friend's wake & funeral in full military dress uniform. Arrive early and try to establish some sort of rapport with the parents or another family member, someone who knows you or recognizes you. Naturally of course you will express your sympathys to the family as you attend the wake & the services. If the family allows it, ask if you can be one of the pallbearers. Depending on the reception the parents or family member give you, present the idea that you would like to pursue the idea of a memorial in honor of your friend. Don't say specifically what it is, just give the parents and the family an idea..and let them think about it. If the parents or family member are receptive to the idea of a memorial, ask them if you can meet with them several days after the services so that you can discuss the idea further with them. In all situations, be well presentable & utmost respectful. Hopefully if the parents know you well enough, they will see the change in you and allow you to pursue your idea of a "rolling" memorial.
I wish you the best in your endeavers & offer my condolences for your loss...
Respectfully,
IdLaFie

[sepulchral]

while i was off at basic training at fort leonard wood (im on my christmas exodus right now) one of my best friends decided life wasnt worth living anymore, and killed himself about 2-3 weeks ago... and i just found out about it 3 days ago

now im trying to get some kind of memorial in his honor together, but i really cant think of annything to do except this:

he and i were working on restoring/building up his '69 SS camaro when i left and he decided that it would be put on hold until i got back... anyway, i was thinking of asking his parents if i could buy it off them and then finish the project in his honor. ya know, keeping the dream alive sorta thing

but here lies the problem, his parents kinda blame all of his friends for doing this to himself (they are just serching for a scapegoat right now to put all the emotional blame on) so im not sure if i should ask them if i could buy the car from them...im worried that it might really upset them or something

what do you think i should do in this situation? ask them or do nothing? id really like to do this for him, but at the same time i want to respect his parents, know what i mean? how should i go about asking them if i do go ahead and ask?

thanks all,
glen



if your going to ask them wait A LONG time atleast 6 months, if the car comes up for sale by them then get it, all my friends parents hate cars i just dont wnat your friends parents mistaking your want for the camaro as greed or anything

[KA24DESOneThree]

No memorial for suicides.

My sister-in-law's brother killed himself and they wanted to memorialize him... but I didn't see the point. If someone is selfish enough to put their family and friends through that kind of strain, how can you reward it? Sure, he might've been a decent brother and friend, but HE killed HIMSELF. He didn't die of other causes.

Kind remembrance is good, memorials are bad. Finish the Camaro, but don't put any vinyls or plaques regarding your friend on it. Just the act is good enough.

[240trainee]

No memorial for suicides.

My sister-in-law's brother killed himself and they wanted to memorialize him... but I didn't see the point. If someone is selfish enough to put their family and friends through that kind of strain, how can you reward it? Sure, he might've been a decent brother and friend, but HE killed HIMSELF. He didn't die of other causes.

Kind remembrance is good, memorials are bad. Finish the Camaro, but don't put any vinyls or plaques regarding your friend on it. Just the act is good enough.

A memorial has nothing to do with the dead person, imo. My grandmother specifically said no funeral or anything, it would be "embarrassing" But the funeral service is a way for the family to let go. It's hard for the people who knew the deceased, even harder with a sudden suicide like that. My condolences for your loss. I like the idea of memorializing him wiht the car; an awsome way to remember him, for how he lived. Just be careful; like stated above, its tricky ground.

[MakotoS13]

until his parents accept that no one is responsible outside of their son the car will remain untouched. it will never be easy to ask them for it, anyhow. suicides shouldn't be memorialized. killing one's self out of fear is cowardice and the pain he decided to lay on his family and friends is unforgivable.

[Id-]

Glenn....sorry to hear about your loss. No one should ever have to suffer a loss of a family member, loved one or friend as you have. It's unfortunate that your friend couldn't reach out and ask for help in his own time of need. That is the most unfortunate part in all of this.
Your idea of memorializing your friend is an honest & noble one and is very thoughtful of you. However, should you decide to pursue the idea of restoring your friend's '69 SS Camero you'll have to proceed with much caution as emotions are involved.
The only suggestion one can make is to attend both your friend's wake & funeral in full military dress uniform. Arrive early and try to establish some sort of rapport with the parents or another family member, someone who knows you or recognizes you. Naturally of course you will express your sympathys to the family as you attend the wake & the services. If the family allows it, ask if you can be one of the pallbearers. Depending on the reception the parents or family member give you, present the idea that you would like to pursue the idea of a memorial in honor of your friend. Don't say specifically what it is, just give the parents and the family an idea..and let them think about it. If the parents or family member are receptive to the idea of a memorial, ask them if you can meet with them several days after the services so that you can discuss the idea further with them. In all situations, be well presentable & utmost respectful. Hopefully if the parents know you well enough, they will see the change in you and allow you to pursue your idea of a "rolling" memorial.
I wish you the best in your endeavers & offer my condolences for your loss...
Respectfully,
IdLaFie

Best advice I heard in this whole thread.
Show his parents the utmost respect and earn theirs. They have to know you arent a part of the "crowd" they think all his friends are. When it comes time to explain the rolling memorial, make sure they understand that it would represent one of the things he loved in his life and that its the best way we remember people; by the things they loved.

[evilimport]

Well, a memorial is the rememberance of an individuals life...not the circumstances of their death...

I agree with Makotos13...Suicide, whatever the reason, is a cop-out, as far as dealing with lifes problems. Everybody goes through problems in life and to think youre alone in the world dealing with the bullshit is just stupid.

Your friend needed help and wasnt smart enough to get it.... very sad indeed. And wear your uniform to the service...it will show that not all his friends were fuck-offs. Thanks for serving our country as well, you are greatly appreciated for this.....:)