How men know.....

[96SEChick]

This is courtesy of Wazneeni of the Midwest 240SX chapter.  This is awesome!!


This is why, deep down, men know that women are smarter.
----------------------------------------------------------

Oil change instructions for women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

Oil change instructions for men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up. Poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up. Finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer: no, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11. Buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional ten minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total $4150.00
But you know the job was done right!

[luey02]

did something happen to you and your loved one today??  Why so much hatred??  
Men are better drivers.  lol.

this post is gett'n locked real fast....

[DSC]

LOL, thats great!

[NiSMoKA55]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (96SEChick @ Mar. 07 2002,9:21)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">This is courtesy of Wazneeni of the Midwest 240SX chapter. This is awesome!!


This is why, deep down, men know that women are smarter.
----------------------------------------------------------

Oil change instructions for women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
I would like to chane some of that.
3) 15 minutes later mechanic comes back and says that the mayahoff lifters that are connected to the intake rods are broken and it wll cost 300 bucks for it to be fixed.
4) Woman gives money, mechanic comes back and makes up some more stuff and doesnt let the woman leave until she has spen about $800.

[96SEChick]

lol--I just remembered a post from S13Grl about Midas calling the girl w/ "low headlight fluid" and "tires on the wrong sides of the car"

ROFLMAO--adjust the women's oil change as you wish--I deserve it &nbsp;<img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'>

[BlackS14]

That is absolutely hilarious......almost scary how true some of it is...hahaha

[AceInHole]

A shop oil change for $20?? &nbsp;Someone isn't using Synthetic <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'> &nbsp;The last time I had to change my oil it was raining and I was sick, so my mom gave me her credit card to go to Valvoline and have the oil changed there. &nbsp;I think it was like $50 for a full synthetic job <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'>. &nbsp;Woulda saved $25 doing it myself, and I wouldn't have had to put up with the shop guys playing with my stereo (the 2 12" subs gave them away... cycling through the tracks on the CD in the car). &nbsp;

Oh yeah... and doing it myself, YES, it'd be done RIGHT.

[XylathaneGTR]

lol, goo stuff
the scary thing is...yeah, most of its true too lol

[wherezmytofu]

i know this is a joke put it takes me about 15 mins 2 change my oil....just jack, turn drain nutt, stab filter, wait, put everthing back unjack done.....then i'll have a few beers <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'> <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sly.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':sly:'>

[idunit]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (96SEChick @ Mar. 07 2002,9:54)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">lol--I just remembered a post from S13Grl about Midas calling the girl w/ "low headlight fluid" and "tires on the wrong sides of the car"

ROFLMAO--adjust the women's oil change as you wish--I deserve it <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'></td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
Actually you can have the tires on the wrong sides of the car... my tires as well as many others I'm sure have a directional tread pattern to help shed water away from the center of the tire. &nbsp;If you were to put them on the wrong sides it would actually force water into the center of the tire and &nbsp;encourage hydroplaning. &nbsp;

On another note, that oil change is pretty funny and sounds about like something I'd do.

[AceInHole]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (idunit @ Mar. 08 2002,11:29)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">On another note, that oil change is pretty funny and sounds about like something I'd do.</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
LoL... changed my oil yesterday (and a couple wheel studs... stupid over tightening *&%^ air tools). &nbsp;I knew I forgot something (beer).

[CoasTek240]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (AceInHole @ Mar. 06 2002,11:31)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">A shop oil change for $20?? Someone isn't using Synthetic <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'> The last time I had to change my oil it was raining and I was sick, so my mom gave me her credit card to go to Valvoline and have the oil changed there. I think it was like $50 for a full synthetic job <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'>. Woulda saved $25 doing it myself, and I wouldn't have had to put up with the shop guys playing with my stereo (the 2 12" subs gave them away... cycling through the tracks on the CD in the car).

Oh yeah... and doing it myself, YES, it'd be done RIGHT.</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
ace.. are u serious $50 bucks for a full synthetic job.. (igues it's cuz he's my friend), i get my oil changed from this guy i know that runs his own shop for $13 bucks and he uses valvoline synthetic.i'd do it my self , but his shop is less than 10 minutes away from my house , and he's &nbsp;got a lift , and he'll check all the other fluids and it take 15 min max.. it's much easier.. plus it's only $13 bucks..

[DSC]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (CoasTek240 @ Mar. 08 2002,1:09)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">ace.. are u serious $50 bucks for a full synthetic job.. (igues it's cuz he's my friend), i get my oil changed from this guy i know that runs his own shop for $13 bucks and he uses valvoline synthetic.i'd do it my self , but his shop is less than 10 minutes away from my house , and he's got a lift , and he'll check all the other fluids and it take 15 min max.. it's much easier.. plus it's only $13 bucks..</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
<img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':('> my oil alone costs more than that.

[twofortysx]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (96SEChick @ Mar. 07 2002,7:54)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">lol--I just remembered a post from S13Grl about Midas calling the girl w/ "low headlight fluid" and "tires on the wrong sides of the car"

ROFLMAO--adjust the women's oil change as you wish--I deserve it <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'></td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
I have this sound file on my laptop. &nbsp;Maybe I'll post it tomorrow when I get to work. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>

[Tuck&Poke]

and that just goes to show you why achohol sux

[Grant]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (NiSMoKA55 @ Mar. 06 2002,10:42)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (96SEChick @ Mar. 07 2002,9:21)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">This is courtesy of Wazneeni of the Midwest 240SX chapter. This is awesome!!


This is why, deep down, men know that women are smarter.
----------------------------------------------------------

Oil change instructions for women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
I would like to chane some of that.
3) 15 minutes later mechanic comes back and says that the mayahoff lifters that are connected to the intake rods are broken and it wll cost 300 bucks for it to be fixed.
4) Woman gives money, mechanic comes back and makes up some more stuff and doesnt let the woman leave until she has spen about $800.</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
lack of engine wax $100
K&N filter needs to be replaced $50
Timing belt needs to be replaced on the 240SX (ahem...) $400.
woman goes home, guy gets pissed off, go gets drunk, and arrested.
$4600.

so costs end up the same,
but the satisfaction of changing the oil and maintaining the car..... priceless... for everything else, there's mastercard.

[Takumi]

Me:

-$20 on oil, including one extra bottle (explained later)
-$5 on oil filter
-Go home
-Jack up the car
-Brick behind the rear wheels, front on jackstands
-Crawl under the car, drain the oil, remove oil filter, etc, etc.
-Take the extra quart of oil, leave the drain plug off, and pour that in, thus using the extra quart to cleanse out any more crappy old oil that's left and let that drain with the excess crap.
-Put the stuff back on
-Pour in the correct amount of oil which is suggested in the owner's manual.
-Clean oil change with barely any old oil or crap left.

Voila, finished. I might have missed something here. I'm pretty sure if you take your car to some place, I'd say 85%-90% of the old oil is completely drained. That's just my assumption and my own paranoia.

[FastNissan]

That is great stuff, it was on the Corvette forum 2-3 weeks ago.

[wherezmytofu]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (idunit @ Mar. 08 2002,11:29)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (96SEChick @ Mar. 07 2002,9:54)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">lol--I just remembered a post from S13Grl about Midas calling the girl w/ "low headlight fluid" and "tires on the wrong sides of the car"

ROFLMAO--adjust the women's oil change as you wish--I deserve it <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'></td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
Actually you can have the tires on the wrong sides of the car... my tires as well as many others I'm sure have a directional tread pattern to help shed water away from the center of the tire. If you were to put them on the wrong sides it would actually force water into the center of the tire and encourage hydroplaning.

On another note, that oil change is pretty funny and sounds about like something I'd do.</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
if ur serious im gunna kick your ass......most tires with directional treading...90%...r symetrical in to the y-axis...u dork! <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/crazy.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':crazy:'> ...what do u think will happen when u do a tire rotation!...*slaps head....a few tires like the yokohomas pandara r not!

[BadMoJo]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (wherezmytofu @ Mar. 10 2002,4:35)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">if ur serious im gunna kick your ass......most tires with directional treading...90%...r symetrical in to the y-axis...u dork! <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/crazy.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':crazy:'> ...what do u think will happen when u do a tire rotation!...*slaps head....a few tires like the yokohomas pandara r not!</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
Hey Tofu, Your a Jackass! &nbsp;<img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sigh.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':rolleyes:'>

[v8killer]

Man-

You guys take life WAAAAY too seriously...Still, that IS the funniest thing I have EVER heard (still laughing...)

[AceInHole]

</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (CoasTek240 @ Mar. 08 2002,12:09)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (AceInHole @ Mar. 06 2002,11:31)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">A shop oil change for $20?? Someone isn't using Synthetic <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'> The last time I had to change my oil it was raining and I was sick, so my mom gave me her credit card to go to Valvoline and have the oil changed there. I think it was like $50 for a full synthetic job <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'>. Woulda saved $25 doing it myself, and I wouldn't have had to put up with the shop guys playing with my stereo (the 2 12" subs gave them away... cycling through the tracks on the CD in the car).

Oh yeah... and doing it myself, YES, it'd be done RIGHT.</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
ace.. are u serious $50 bucks for a full synthetic job.. (igues it's cuz he's my friend), i get my oil changed from this guy i know that runs his own shop for $13 bucks and he uses valvoline synthetic.i'd do it my self , but his shop is less than 10 minutes away from my house , and he's got a lift , and he'll check all the other fluids and it take 15 min max.. it's much easier.. plus it's only $13 bucks..</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
$13?? &nbsp;Is it full synthetic or synthetic blend... cause I can't get full synthetic for less than $4.50 a bottle. &nbsp;That $13 sounds more like a synthetic blend price (like $2.50 per quart).

Anyways, my oil change usually runs about $25 for a full synthetic job with the oil filter, doing it myself.

[TheAuthority]

why would you buy an extra quart of oil to flush out the old left over oil when you can just use water from the hose? that's what i always do and the best part is, it's FREE!! i also superglued my wheels to the hubs instead of using lugnuts in order to reduce weight. and to increase airflow i took the filter off my intake. i figured the filter was just keeping the maximum amount of air from being sucked into my engine. so, needless to say, my S14 is pretty darn fast.

[ThatGuy]

Why the FUCK would you bump a thread from 2002?!?!?!?!

:lockd: