View Full Version : JOKES!!!!
my240likenoother
10-29-2001, 08:19 PM
i havent heard a good joke in a wile
BlankFlip
10-29-2001, 08:30 PM
here's one that somebody was tryin' on ppl today. "if u got a letter from a gay person, would u write them back or "tear it up?"" n there was this one guy that was like "i would tear that junk up man! it would be so gone!" john (the person telling the joke) was like so "u'd tear that shit up all night long huh, u sick bastard," then the guy realized what he really meant n was all of a sudden like "naw, naw, i mean i would write them back...no, i mean...i don't know, fuck u dude." ok, ya'll probably don't think that was funny, but that was the best joke i've heard today in person.
whateverjames
10-29-2001, 09:01 PM
heh. that reminds me of a joke i heard back in the day...if you got on bus full of fags would you get off or stay on...
transient
10-29-2001, 09:04 PM
What does a 500 pound Canary say??
here kitty kitty kitty...
im not gay my boyfriend is
or put your hand on someones thigh and ask them "do you know how you can tell someones gay?"
see how they react
S13Grl
10-30-2001, 08:27 AM
Q: Why do Yugos have rear window defrosters?
A: So your hands won't freeze when you're pushing it in wintertime.
v8killer
10-30-2001, 08:37 AM
now THAT'S funny!!
S13Grl
10-30-2001, 09:12 AM
Hey, thanks!
Here's another one:
Q: Why does a blonde visit an apothecary tip-toeing?
A: So that she won't wake up the sleeping pills.
And another one:
A sports stadium is full of people, 30000 of whom are blondes. One blonde is standing in the middle of the field, proving to the world that blondes aren't stupid. Host:" What is 2 + 2?"
Blonde: "5"
"I'm sorry, that is incorrect."
30000 blondes: "Give her another chance!"
Host asks again: "What is 2 + 2?"
Blonde: "3"
Host: "I'm sorry, that is also incorrect."
30000 blondes: "Give her another chance!!!"
Host asks AGAIN: "What is 2 + 2?"
Blonde: "4"
30000 blondes: "Give her another chance!!!"
Here's another blonde one:
One blonde goes to the other: "I did a pregnancy test today." The other one says: "Were the questions hard?"
BlankFlip
10-30-2001, 12:23 PM
i've always liked blonde jokes, even though i don't really think most of them r like that in real life.
vancouvers14
10-30-2001, 01:20 PM
how do you know a blonde has been using a computer?
there's white-out on the screen
S13Grl
10-30-2001, 02:53 PM
Why do blondes have scarves on when they're using their computers?
They have the windows open.
Why do blondes all rush to the window when it's lightning?
They think someone's taking pictures.
Why do blondes crawl on the floor in supermarkets?
They're looking for low prices.
Why do blondes bring open products to the register?
It says "open here".
Why do cops stand in the corner during winter time?
Cause it's 90 degrees there.
That's all I got for now. Love & peace!
my240likenoother
10-30-2001, 05:36 PM
if you woke up in the middle of the woods with your paints down and a lubed ass would you telll ne one?<img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='???'>
no!!! "wanna go campimg??"
whateverjames
10-30-2001, 06:38 PM
Why did the plane crash?
Because the pilot was a slice of bread!
Why did the boy fall off his bike?
Because he was a fish!
What's big, white and lives in a tree?
A refridgerator!
What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes!
Why did the man fall out of the tree?
Because someone threw a fridge at him!
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms!
and here are some blonde jokes
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
How does a blond kill a fish?
Drowns it
How does a blond kill a bird?
Throws it off a cliff
How does a blond kill a worm?
Buries it alive
these are jokes i stole from another forum so yeah, don't blame me for the quality.
S13Grl
10-30-2001, 06:56 PM
They're still cool. Haha!
Two blondes were waiting at a bus station. One was waiting for bus #1 and one for bus #2. Bus #12 came, they said: "Cool, now we can go together!"
Kinda copying yours, but I had to say it anyway!
transient
10-30-2001, 07:41 PM
Aww, no-one liked my corny joke? hehehe
konkman
10-30-2001, 07:44 PM
This is even Car Related (it's a line not a joke)
You know I like my women the way I like my coffee...
...all over my lap while I'm driving!!!
keepitmovin
10-30-2001, 09:24 PM
My favorite joke its r rated so read with caution:
theres this really horny girl on a stranded island. She walks around and finds a witch doctor. She tells him she's really horney and what do you have for me. He says here take this vodoo dick. She asked how to make it work he said just say voddo dick pussy. She says it and it starts to bang here and shee says how do i make it stop the witch doctor says just say voddo dick stop. Years later shes rescued from the island and is driving to work one day. She thinks to herself hmmm should I? What the #### then she says voddo dick pussy the dick starts to bang her. As that is happening she starts to drive faster until the cop pulls her over. The cop asks "Ma'am what was your reason for driving that fast ?" she says " it wasnt me it was the voddo dick i swear" the cop says "vodoo dick my ass" haha dosent seem as funny now to me I must be maturing.
groundzero
10-30-2001, 09:30 PM
You guys probably heard this one before.
What do you call a mexican who lost his car?
Carlos...
groundzero
10-30-2001, 09:38 PM
How about foul jokes...Like talking about each other...Lets have a contest.
Archangel
10-31-2001, 12:04 AM
Fifty years in the future, a man and his son are walking along in New York city. The man looks up at all the buildings and remarks, "It just doesn't look the same without the World Trade Center towers..." And the son says, "Daddy, what're those?" So the dad explains, "Well, back before you were born there were 2 huge towers that stood over there that were a symbol of American commerce and prosperity. But one day a group of Arabs blew them up."
The son thought for a moment, and said, "Daddy, what're Arabs?"
archangel that is good, i like it
Jeff240sx
10-31-2001, 12:39 AM
Ok. My jokes involve swearing, as I'll start out with the stupid-est one first.
A snake goes into a bar, and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender looks at the snake and says, "I can't serve you, you can't control your licker (licqour).
BOO!!! *sorry*
This is better.
A man comes home from work one day, and sees a little snail on the first step of his porch. The man says, "aww. little snail." and goes inside. The next day, the snail is on the second step, and the man disregards it again. And on the third day, the man came home early because he got laid off, and saw the snail on the third step of his porch. Pissed off, he throws it over the house.
Five years later, he comes home from work and sees a little snail on the first step of his porch. He looks down and says, "aww. Little snail." And the snail says, "What the fuck did you do that for, #######!?!"
-Jeff
PSI240SX
10-31-2001, 01:16 AM
What's the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out of it. Nice visual isn't it?
240sxnewbie
10-31-2001, 09:55 AM
Two guys walked into a bar. the third ducked.
konkman
10-31-2001, 02:01 PM
What is the difference between Horseshoe bay and a gay man with AID's?
Horseshoe bay is a Ferry Terminal.
If you don't get it, ask someone.
BoostDynamics
10-31-2001, 10:48 PM
Ok, thought I would chime in here with a couple, although I did like the snail joke that caught me off gaurd.. hehe.
*just a warning this one is kind of bad*
A pedophile and a young boy were walking through the woods, after walking for a while the kid starts to look around and says, "It sure is getting dark out, kind of spooky in here when it's dark".. the pedophile looks down at him and says "quit saying stuff like that, I have to come back this way by myself"
**
Doesn't it kind of make you wonder what fish smelled like before women learned how to swim?
**
What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your winshield? .... his ass
transient
10-31-2001, 11:08 PM
HAHA, that last one was great!
A #### Hyundai thought it could beat my 240....hahhaha...so funny hahahha sooooo soooo funny
he probably thought he had the other kinda of "H" car..hahhahahha.
my240likenoother
11-01-2001, 07:45 PM
how many jews can you fit in a VW bug???
10 2 in the front 3 in the back and 5 in the ash tray
what do you call a black kid riding down the street on a bike with a rock in his hand???
armed robery
what do you call two black kids rideing down the street on a bike??
organized crime
what is the last thing that went throught Curt Cobains mind??
teeth
by the bay im not a racest at all i love all people
gh6o6
11-01-2001, 08:01 PM
blind guy walks into a bar and sits down and says "anyone want to hear a blonde joke?" the man sitting next to him said "before you tell that joke you should know, im blonde the woman sitting nex to you is blonde, the bartenders blonde, the boncers blonde, and the owners blonde. You still want to tell that joke?"
the blind man said "no."
wait for it..
"I dont want to explain it 5 times"
Gold240se
11-01-2001, 08:56 PM
That's pretty phukin funny. My friend on the phone says "quality jokege"
S13Grl
11-02-2001, 08:44 AM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from BoostDynamics on 10:48 pm on Oct. 31, 2001
**
Doesn't it kind of make you wonder what fish smelled like before women learned how to swim?
**
</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
Funny...
BoostDynamics
11-02-2001, 01:52 PM
Couldn't resist... my dad told me that one <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>
Tuck&Poke
11-02-2001, 07:30 PM
ok heres min
this blond is driving her car and this bad hail storm starts. her cars is all full of dings so she decides to see the mechanic to find out how to fix it. she goes to the mechanic and he sees how much of a dumbass she is so he decides to have some fun with her. the mechanic says "OK heres what you gotta do. when you get home i want you to get on your knees and blow as hard as you can into the exhaust pipe and the dents will pop out" so like a natural blonde she goes home and starts to blow in the muffler. while shes blowing her blonde friend stops by and is shocked at what she doing. so the blonde friend gets out of her car and tells her blonde freind "No silly you supposed to close the windows first!"
Tuck&Poke
11-02-2001, 07:35 PM
heres another one
ok this texas oil rancher is visiting his friend in arabia and theyre driving in the arabians car and the arabian is showing the texan his land "This is ALL mine. i can do whatever i want with this huge piece of land" the texan is obvioulsy not impressed considering his house is the size of the arabians whole farm. so the texan says"well on my land you could get in my car and drive for hours and hours and hours and youd be less than half way though" so the arabian replies "oh yea i used to have a car like that too"
kind of dumb but i found it funny
one more whats the diffirence b/w a porshe and a cactus.
the cactus has the prick on the outside
my240likenoother
11-02-2001, 09:38 PM
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from minime686 on 10:35 pm on Nov. 2, 2001
heres another one
the last one was good !!!<img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>
ok this texas oil rancher is visiting his friend in arabia and theyre driving in the arabians car and the arabian is showing the texan his land "This is ALL mine. i can do whatever i want with this huge piece of land" the texan is obvioulsy not impressed considering his house is the size of the arabians whole farm. so the texan says"well on my land you could get in my car and drive for hours and hours and hours and youd be less than half way though" so the arabian replies "oh yea i used to have a car like that too"
kind of dumb but i found it funny
one more whats the diffirence b/w a porshe and a cactus.
the cactus has the prick on the outside</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
Sandman240
11-02-2001, 09:38 PM
(smack me if this was already said)
There are three blondes stranded on an island, when one of them finds a magic lamp.
They start fiddling with the lamp and end up rubbing it enough so the genie pops out, and says "Since there are three of you, i will grant you each one wish."
The first blonde says "I want to be smarter, so i can figure out how to get home." So the geenie grants her wish, turns her into a Redhead, and she runs out into the water to swim home. The second blonde asks the geenie "I want to be SMARTER then her so i can get home FASTER and EASIER!" So the geenie uses his magic and turns her into a brunette. She immediatley fashions some crude tools, cuts down trees and fashions a raft to ride home.
The third blonde says "I want to be smarter than both of them so i can get home the easiest." So the geenie turns her into a man, and she walks across the bridge.
!OUCH! no specific offense to any females who might have read that
A guy goes on a business trip and ends up at a bar on the 4th story of a building one night. The bartender says "you new here?" The guy simply asks for a glass of water, and explains how depressed he is. Another man gets up, walks over to the bar, slams his fist on the table and says "GIMME YOUR STRONGEST DRINK!" The bartender mixes for a few seconds, and sends him down a huge shot. The guy downs it, runs for the window and jumps out.
Well, the business man sees this and looks very perplexed. His worry turns to confusion when the man returns up the stairs, and again says "GIMME YOUR STRONGEST DRNINK!" Slamming his fist on the table. Again, he drinks, and jumps out the window.
This continues for about 2 or 3 more times.
Eventually, the businessman asks for the strongest drink. He chugs it, and jumps out the window to his doom *bang* sidewalk sandwich.
The second man returns and staggers to the bar.
The bartender merely exclaims "Superman, you're a fucking ####### when you're drunk."
my240likenoother
11-03-2001, 09:32 PM
how many men does it take to change a role of TP??
i dont know i'v never done it
i dont get gh606's blonde joke
help please
Are you blonde?
J/K!! <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':p'>
danio that dont help at all, really i aint blonde and i asked a black chiock i live with and she dont get it either. maybe i will feel dumb later, but if its funny im gonna useit. so far i still dont undertand wtf it means.
my240likenoother
11-04-2001, 07:34 PM
LOL^^^^
Silvia95
11-09-2001, 11:29 AM
Here's my joke for the day...
Guy picks up a girl at a bar and takes her back home for some hot and heavy action. As things are getting steamy, the girl says she has to go to the washroom to freshen up. As she is walking to the washroom she trips and falls. Alarmed the man asks "Sweetie pie, are you okay?" The girl thanks him for his concern and continues to the washroom. While in the washroom she slips and falls again. Alarmed, the man asks "Cutie pie are you okay?" The girl thanks him again for his concern and comes back to bed.
They grunt and groan and finally when its all over, she says she has to go tinkle. On her way to the washroom, she trips again. This time the mans says:
"Clumsy F#$%ing bitch".
PUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
user187
11-09-2001, 01:42 PM
how many animals can you fit into a pair of panyhose? ten little piggies, two calves, an ass, ten million hares, and a beaver.
What does a blond and the bermuda triangle have in common...........They both swallow a lot of seaman!
A minister is giving the sermon one sunday morning and challenges the congregation to come up with a topic that is not in the bible. after a minute of silence a women in the back pew accepts the challenge and says "what about PMS". The minister is speechless for a moment, turns the pages and replies "here it is, And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem".
Two trees are standing in the middle of the forest. A birch and a beech. A sapling is growing between the two. So the birch says to the beech "hey beech, tell me is that sapling a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The beech replies "I don't know, is it a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" Just then a wood pecker lands on the sapling. The birch yells out "hey wood pecker can you take a taste of that sapling and tell us if it is either a son of a beech or a son a birch". The woodpecker takes a taste and replies " i am sorry to say that it is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. But I can sure tell you this, That's the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."
</span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote </td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE">Quote: from bing on 9:38 pm on Nov. 3, 2001
danio that dont help at all, really i aint blonde and i asked a black chiock i live with and she dont get it either. maybe i will feel dumb later, but if its funny im gonna useit. so far i still dont undertand wtf it means.
</td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'>
I'll try a little harder. The blind man decided not to tell the joke because those people were blonde. They'd ask him to explain the joke because they wouldn't get it. <img src="http://www.zilvia.net/f/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'> Hope that helps.
my240likenoother
11-09-2001, 08:49 PM
LOL^^^^
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