WTF Happened to Fiday Humor??!

[West]

Ok, well I dont have funny stuff in my mailbox anymore, just people with problems. But cmon, someone needs to carry on the legacy of the "Friday Humor"!

Oldschoolers will know what im taking about. It was the weekly Off Topic post by the first one who could get to it and everyone would post the funny posts/pics of the day/week.

So, since I dont have anything funny in my mailbox someone start the Friday Humor... even though its 11:40pm

lol :D

:w00t:

[West]

Oh wait... I do have something good...


Life and a Can of Beer

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in
a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar........and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends,
your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
your car.The sand is everything else--the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for
the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are
critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There
will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set
your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room
for a couple of beers."

[matlock]

Thtas pretty cool West, I like it.....I don't drink but its funny cuz I was all the way til the end and I was like what about the Beer what does that do lol....

[ca18guy]

This is the only one I could find in my mailbox, not that funny but its something :)

HUSBANDS-R-US

A husband shopping center (Husbands-R-Us) has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first
floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last
boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further
up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are
extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's
upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the
woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 123,456,789,012,345 to
this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as
proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at
Husbands-R-Us and have a nice day.

[RJF]

So, it's a day late............

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)