toilet seat covers

[airsoft]

Every time I go to the pooper... everyone else in the damn building is dropping an A bomb so I have to wait... and let that shit air out.

Anyways...

How do you guys use toilet seat covers? or do many of you not...

the flap towards the back end of the toilet or the front?

how many do you use?

Flap up front for me so my wanger doesn't touch any of that nasty porcelain.

***Added:

I read my black berry... usually CNN news or Zilvia... i've left my phone on the toilet paper holder... only to have some other co worker say I left it there and hand it to me. hHAHHAHAHAHhahaha

[Soup Nazi]

WTF? hahahahahaha

[fckillerbee]

I love sharing asses with another man. Especially when there is urine all over the toilet!

[Gnnr]

They're a waste of time.

Wipe that toilet seat down, pull out a three long strips of toilet paper, fold each as to double layers, and place it forming an upside down U. Done.

[Brian]

Front flap.
SO creepy if the ding ding touches the toilet.


ughhhhhhhhhhh

[xpertsnowcarver]

They're a waste of time.

Wipe that toilet seat down, pull out a three long strips of toilet paper, fold each as to double layers, and place it forming an upside down U. Done.

Yes sir!!

Front flap.
SO creepy if the ding ding touches the toilet.


ughhhhhhhhhhh

The DING DING!! LMAO!!!

Oohhh Brian :p

[Brian]

the pee pee
the wee wee

[Silky_Johnson]

lol. this thread wins for today.

[fckillerbee]

haha wiener...such a great word. I feel sooo 10 years old when this wiener dog is being walked by my house...my wife has to restrain me from yelling "WHOA! THATS A BIG WIENER!!!"

[ILoveMyRHS13]

Hahahah.

Brian made this thread epic.

[Logan]

Technically by instruction the flap should go in front, because it's meant to suck the cover when you flush the toilet since the flap will be in the bowl water

For the majority of my life I did the opposite but eventually saw some sorta diagram on a package of toilet bowl covers

[SmogSUX]

The flap is a splash guard. Goes in the back and keeps the bombs from rockin that nasty sewage water up on you. And I wipe down the toilet then use 1 cover.

[Brian]

I also used to put the flap in the back, but there was always the ding ding problem, so I would tear off a few squares of TP and make a nice front flap too, then one day I said, lemme try it with the original flap in front.

Haven't looked back since...

[Soup Nazi]

I place the flap in the back too. But it fucking sucks when the flap pulls down the ass gasket before you sit on it. Then next thing you know, there are no more covers.

[ZilviaKid]

BH is now my favourite person on zilvia wangs down

[Gnnr]

How can you guys use it?

Those things are so thin to begin with, and its annoying to use more than one to get the right thickness...and they seem to clog easier than TP. Some places have signs that you need to dispose of them in the thrash...why would I want to grab and roll that shit up. With TP you just slide one piece in without touching the toilet and flush it away....

[Soup Nazi]

Some places have signs that you need to dispose of them in the thrash...why would I want to grab and roll that shit up.

They're fucking crazy

[soreballz]

I just build my own ass gasket with about 4 feet of toilet paper.

[EDT007]

I just build my own ass gasket with about 4 feet of toilet paper.

+1, I feel that they don't completely cover the seat enough. Call me a germophobe but my ass is not touching that nasty seat...:barf:

[airsoft]

I also put a wad of toilet paper to avoid the splash straight back up into my rectum.

Do you guys courtesty flush? or let that stuff get the air REAL thick...???

[fckillerbee]

How can you guys use it?

Those things are so thin to begin with, and its annoying to use more than one to get the right thickness...and they seem to clog easier than TP. Some places have signs that you need to dispose of them in the thrash...why would I want to grab and roll that shit up. With TP you just slide one piece in without touching the toilet and flush it away....

If i saw that sign...i would shit in the trashcan.

[HalveBlue]

HA!

You guys are all pussies.

I use toilet paper to wipe down the seat, and that's it.

[jspaeth]

They're a waste of time.

Wipe that toilet seat down, pull out a three long strips of toilet paper, fold each as to double layers, and place it forming an upside down U. Done.

Yes

I just build my own ass gasket with about 4 feet of toilet paper.

Also yes

HA!

You guys are all pussies.

I use toilet paper to wipe down the seat, and that's it.

Dirty boy!

[Silviaoneday]

If i saw that sign...i would shit in the trashcan.

HAHA thats fuckin funny

HA!

You guys are all pussies.

I use toilet paper to wipe down the seat, and that's it.

And have you ever wondered why your growing another ass cheek?

[PANGES]

For sure, I must tripple up on the ass gaskets.

[CleanAndLegit]

flap in front i dont like my salami slappin the toilet.

[soreballz]

Do you guys courtesty flush? or let that stuff get the air REAL thick...???
I only flush once I'm done. The average public toilet has a pretty powerful flush, and water tends to leave the bowl upon flushing. I refuse to let my ass and dangly bits be the things that keep the water in the bowl. lol

[Teddy]

I usually wipe it down with toilet paper first, then the ass gasket. I've always put the flap in the back though. Kinda makes more sense to put it in front, but I've never really thought about it. Lol.

[Daniel.]

I dont use a cover. And if I did, the flap would be in front since I always use the bidet at work.

Yes, the bidet is best invention since sliced bread. No lies.

[bones321]

wow, ha, i guess I am an oddball. I just pull the hover manuever haha

[silviatunersr20]

The used to be a guy we called the buzzard because he would stand on the seat and squat down when he dropped deuces.

I personally saran wrap my arce-n-cockels then tear a little dookie hole in the back and another one in the front for my wenis!

[DataXUnknown]

I usually just don't care, it's my ass it's gunna get dirty anyways. And plus I clean it every morning. I don't use a public toilet everyday.

Every once in awhile I will use the stupid paper thing (in those ghetto ass bathrooms), but put the flap towards the back (because it looks like a toilet seat cover lid)

[HalveBlue]

And have you ever wondered why your growing another ass cheek?

Haha, NO. :hahano:

And I've taking a shit in some seriously gnarly conditions, too.

we're talking port-o-johns that haven't been cleaned in weeks.

Nothing ever happened.

When you're a real man, you get used it. :wavey:

[AEGIS]

know what i hate though, taggers taggin in the toilet seat... WTf.. now pee be sitting inbetween the cracks..

but i wipe that shit down clean... 3-4 toilet seat covers. and i hold my schlong downward so i dont tap the toilet seat... i get goosbumpbs from disgusting-ness even here in my own home if i do so.... then flush every drop... save me that whiplash of water when i drop the deuce. lol

[Silviaoneday]

I can already see where this is going:

1. Fold or crunch to wipe?
2. Do you wear a manpon after a horrible case of the trots?

[Matej]

Luckily, I have not had to sit on a public toilet seat in about 12 years, and I hope I will not be forced to resort to it anytime soon.

[VROOOM]

Luckily, I have not had to sit on a public toilet seat in about 12 years, and I hope I will not be forced to resort to it anytime soon.
are you Shit Break form American Pie?

[soreballz]

^I used to be that way. I wouldn't shit anywhere public, or even at my friend's houses. I'd only crap at home and at my grandpa's house.

[S14_Kouki]

I use 2-3. I put one flap on the front and the second layer the flap is in the back. Now does anyone put up a toilet paper blocker on the cracks of the door so no one can see in?

[wh0aitznic0]

Like I've said in the OTHER bathroom thread, I only shit in my own home or good friends' houses. Oh yeah, hotels.

Call me a bitch. But my cheeks are cleaner than yours.

[highwaystar22]

I duece no covers. Just a wipe down to make sure there's nothing lingering. I'm a corporate banker too, so that helps. I will draw the line and no crap in port-o-johns/gas stations etc.

YouTube - Penn and Teller bullshit - Safety Hysteria 1/3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSHhOY4GUP8)
YouTube - Penn and Teller bullshit - Safety Hysteria 2/3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqEkaP9pvWA)
YouTube - Penn and Teller bullshit - Safety Hysteria 3/3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmeTBH8-GcM)

Pay close attention to the end of number two and number three. They deal specifically with the human arse and germs.

[sleep]

buncha pussies you all are...

Try shitting in one of these every day of the week......on the day before they show up to clean it!

http://www.geekologie.com/2007/08/13/porta-hub.jpg

[sleep]

Haha, NO. :hahano:

And I've taking a shit in some seriously gnarly conditions, too.

we're talking port-o-johns that haven't been cleaned in weeks.

Nothing ever happened.

When you're a real man, you get used it. :wavey:

oh sorry, didn't notice another man in the thread
:hide:

[nate00]

i do a whipe down with the TP, then use one ass gasket flap in front. then i grunt as loud as possible if someone else walks in just to break the ice just incase i fart loud haha

[Gnnr]

In light of this thread, I'm posting these definitions up :)

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

The Poop Name List

The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.

The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.

The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.

The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.

The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.

The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.

The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed.
Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do

The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.

The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.

The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:

1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.

The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:

1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly

The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors

The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in

The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?

The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.

The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??

The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.

The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.

The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly.

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

Turtle Poopie
The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

Gas-sy Poopie
The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Corn Poopie
(Self explanatory)

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

Upper Class Poopie
The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

The Suprise Poopie
You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Fisherman's Bobber Poopie
You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line.

The Stolen Poopie
The poopie you take at a techy toilet, with an automatic flush, that is flushed so quick that when you whirl around to see the poopie you worked so hard for, you are left with a violated and un-satisfied feeling. you never got to see that poopie.

Turd Guide


The Amphibian Turd
This rare turd is so long that half of it is sticking out of the water. The only way to get it to flush is to break it up into small pieces with the nearest stick-like object, usually someone's toothbrush.

The Farty Turd
This shit comes accompanied with numerous farts and squeaks. It usually happens at work with your boss in the next cubical.

The Teflon Turd
This non-stick shit comes out so clean, you don't need any toilet paper.

The Marker Turd
This thick soft turd leaves a trail of skid mark type evidence in the bowl, but it usually only happens around your mother-in-law's house.

The Second-Coming Turd
You know how it is, you've finished, you wipe, you pull up your trousers, then you need to go again.

The Sticky Turd
This shit is so sticky, you use up a whole roll of arse-wipe and then eventually have to use the shower hose to get it clean.

The Garden Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you're desperate, and it's already half way out. Only one option - dump it in the back yard.

The Phantom Turd
You felt it come out, but when you look down, there's no turd in the pan.

The Sweetcorn Turd
You've been eating plenty of sweetcorn so your turd looks like a brown version of a corn-on-the-cob.

The Peanut Turd
You've been eating lots of peanuts, and you can feel them when you wipe.

The Upper class Turd
It doesn't matter what this guy's eaten, his shit don't stink.

The Red-Eye Turd
This turd is at least twice the size of your areshole. It's so big you have to call a midwife to help with the delivery. Your eyes turn red, you scream in terror as you feel sure this one will rip you in half before it hits the water. When you wipe your arse, along with the poo, there's a whole heap of blood as well.

The Napalm Turd
It sticks and it burns. This merciless killer is fired from high above and destroys a wide area in one hit. In case of contact with skin, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical attention.

The Unconscious Turd
After a night down the pub, you fall drunkenly asleep on a park bench. You wake up in the morning to find a turd in your pants.

The Exploding Head Turd
You strain and you squeeze, you squeeze and you strain, you need a pair of forceps to get it out before your head explodes.

The Fountain Turd
This bog-rocket shoots out your arse like a Scud missile, and sends a high-powered jet of water upwards which instinctively hits you right in the ring-piece.

The Feminist Turd
It doesn't matter how it comes out or what it looks like, it's always a man's fault.

The Floater
Flush after flush, this bugger refuses to die. The only way to get rid of it is to pick it up and toss it out the window.

The Immortal Turd
You walk into a public toilet, there's only one cubical and you come face to face with the previous occupant's floater! What do you do? You can't dump on top of it because you might do a 'fountain' contaminated with other persons turd-wash. So you spend the next 10 minutes trying to flush someone else's turd that wont die.

The Liquid Turd
This is not a turd, it's more of a brown-tinged transparent oily type substance that squirts over your arse-cheeks, the seat, the rim, everywhere except into the water.

The Machine-Gun Turd
This turd is essentially a liquid turd, except for the periodic interruption of the solid lumps shooting out in a rhythmic pattern.

The Coil Turd
A very long and continuous soft turd, about the width of a pencil which coils up at the bottom of the pan. Usually accompanied by a soft whimper from the poor unfortunate donator.

The Surprise Turd
This turd only occurs in places where there are no toilets, and no possible way of cleaning yourself. You think it's just a fart, but then that's the surprise.

The Klingon Turd
This turd clings to your ring-piece no matter how much you shake and jump up and down. Even 'biting' at it with you sphincter muscle won't shake it loose.

The Alien Turd
You look down and say "No way did that come from my arse!". All the evidence is there but you still refuse to believe that you could have dropped such a strange looking turd.

The Two-Part Turd
You shit so much that you have to flush and then carry on shitting.

The Pebble Turd
You strain for hours, but all you can get out is one tiny little pebble sized plop.

The Peek-a-Boo Turd
You get this turd half way out, then it shoots straight back inside.

[Ceepo]

^ i didnt read all but that was pretty good and appropriate for the thread...

[Phlip]

Don't use seat covers...

I just wipe the seat off if there was something on it and sit back far enough that my junk doesn't touch anything. If what is there was so bad, this building is enormous, there are 5 bathrooms on the first floor alone, I can make it to another without issue.
Other than at work, I don't shit anywhere other than home.

[XeroX]

I only flush once I'm done. The average public toilet has a pretty powerful flush, and water tends to leave the bowl upon flushing. I refuse to let my ass and dangly bits be the things that keep the water in the bowl. lol

Yea seriously, i have learned this the hard way...it sucks lol...no one likes a wet leather donut...

I also put a wad of toilet paper to avoid the splash straight back up into my rectum.

Do you guys courtesty flush? or let that stuff get the air REAL thick...???

No courtesy flush, i BOMB the place like im al qaeda...


As for my technique:

I use 3 toilet condoms, all at different areas to make sure there is no uncovered area...

Flapper (always toward the front) part gets torn off to make a full O with the toilet condom, and excess material gets thrown into the toilet to act as an anti-splash damper (ill add some regular TP in there for extra protection)

One question i have is, why do most public toilets have the open ended seat? as compared to the toilet seat at a home its a closed full circle...

"C" as opposed to "O" for you visual people

Whats the point? I have always wondered...

[Phlip]

One question i have is, why do most public toilets have the open ended seat? as compared to the toilet seat at a home its a closed full circle...

"C" as opposed to "O" for you visual people

Whats the point? I have always wondered...

Because nasty motherfuckers don't put the seaat up to piss at home. What reason have they to care about someone elses toilet? As the most dripped upon place when pissing, it lessens the chance of being dripped upon.

[Mikey213]

Flappers in the front and back? that's a damn good idea! I'm learning a lot here hahahahah. I usually just wipe it down hard and put like 4 sheets with the flapper in the back hahaha

[XeroX]

Because nasty motherfuckers don't put the seaat up to piss at home. What reason have they to care about someone elses toilet? As the most dripped upon place when pissing, it lessens the chance of being dripped upon.

That makes perfect sense actually...didnt think about that...

Kinda OT but:

How many of you have used the urinals that have the picture of a fly or bee or something off to the side? Its suposed to be there to help men concentrate to aim at a specific spot and not "miss" the urinal...

I have only seen a few in the states like that...

[BustedS13]

i can't poop in public unless i'm about to die from holding it in. like, i have to actually be sweating in my office chair from keeping poop from escaping before i can use a public restroom.

[Brian]

That makes perfect sense actually...didnt think about that...

Kinda OT but:

How many of you have used the urinals that have the picture of a fly or bee or something off to the side? Its suposed to be there to help men concentrate to aim at a specific spot and not "miss" the urinal...

I have only seen a few in the states like that...


Pee on the Bee.
love it!

[jzepol1985]

For those of you with fear of public restrooms. Just be grateful you dont have to do your business in front of everyone and then burn it. hahahahha. Also no females around. Two seats in each one of these with no stalls/dividers. This was my paradise in Iraq 2008. One more thing don't think you are going to pee in there, we were ordered to pee in the hole they dug right next to it.

http://i46.tinypic.com/2ahy70p.jpg
http://tinypic.com/r/316rsi8/6

[Teddy]

That bee can be found in most urinals in my area. Haha.

[!Zar!]

Technically by instruction the flap should go in front, because it's meant to suck the cover when you flush the toilet since the flap will be in the bowl water

For the majority of my life I did the opposite but eventually saw some sorta diagram on a package of toilet bowl covers

What the fuck.

Really?

Shit, I always tore that thing off and threw it away.

Dude, you've just changed my life!

[atutt]

This thread is stupid... And misleading...
I was expecting to see wicked awesome toilet seat covers...

[Matej]

Noticed that a lot of airports use these toilet seat covers now.

Chicago O'Hare Airport Toilet on Vimeo (http://vimeo.com/4502414)

[Gnnr]

Wow, that's awesome! :D And lol at the guy at the end of the vid

[wh0aitznic0]

Hey I got a little kid with me, man.

[Oilcover]

i just want to say ...

DONGS

[thejapino]

I was in a Whole Foods bathroom once. It was a solo bathroom with the high-tech automatic flush/sink/towel/drier. It was taking me a little longer to duece (not enough fiber) and while I was sitting on the seat, the fucking auto flush goes off and tries to take the ass-gasket from me. WTF??? I wasn't expecting that, i sorta jumped up mid-kids and had to reset my 2 gasket setup(one flap in front, one flap in back).

Lesson learned, I now perform the quickest air-support bombs in public bathrooms.

[getagrip]

This thread is stupid... And misleading...
I was expecting to see wicked awesome toilet seat covers...
as was i....but its still funny as fuck lol

wipe it down..then let'er rip.
i only take a dump in my house or at a friends house, only time i take em else were is when im about to explode.....or at work but thats rare.

[flip3d]

i can't poop in public unless i'm about to die from holding it in. like, i have to actually be sweating in my office chair from keeping poop from escaping before i can use a public restroom.

This. +10000000000

[axiomatik]

For those of you with fear of public restrooms. Just be grateful you dont have to do your business in front of everyone and then burn it. hahahahha. Also no females around. Two seats in each one of these with no stalls/dividers. This was my paradise in Iraq 2008. One more thing don't think you are going to pee in there, we were ordered to pee in the hole they dug right next to it.

http://i46.tinypic.com/2ahy70p.jpg
http://tinypic.com/r/316rsi8/6

I have a buddy from high school who did a stint in Iraq while he was in the Marines. He was on the poop-burning detail for a couple weeks. Said it would be stored in barrels until it was time to burn it. During that time, it would crust over from the dry desert air, and dry poop doesn't burn, so they had to jam a pole through the crust and stir it up. He got dysentery.

[franklin93zx]

I never though about putting the flap on the front.. Hmm I think the inovation of toilet seats just got that much better, I usually just use atleast three ass gaskets.

[ESmorz]

Man I will shit just about anywhere as long as there is enough toilet paper and covers.

The best was the flight home for NYC last month. Took about 20 minutes, huge line started forming, shit was stuck all on the bowl of the toilet, the next lady to walk in after I got out yelled "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!!!".

Good times.

[nate00]

ESmorz Man I will shit just about anywhere as long as there is enough toilet paper and covers.

The best was the flight home for NYC last month. Took about 20 minutes, huge line started forming, shit was stuck all on the bowl of the toilet, the next lady to walk in after I got out yelled "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!!!".

Good times.

really ruined it haha. i love when that happens. or when they go in a gag. makes me laugh every time

[kouki fanatic]

i either put tolet paper on the seat in like 1, most people cut it into 3 pieces one for one cheek, one for the other cheek, and one for the tail bone, but i dot that 3 in 1. i just fold the corners. OR, i put like 10 of those toilet seat papers that they have on the wall, and sometimes they slip and fall into the toliet so i have to do it again

[Mikey213]

Hahahahahah^ they wont slip if you put the flap foward! And backwards