Short and Shitty stories thread.

[ayuaddict]

I thought a thread where we could talk about funny shit that happens to us would be cool. Sort of like FML, worst case scenario it will be fun to read at work. Rule: dont be posting shit that aint interesting.

Ill start off.

A couple months ago i gave my little brother my EK civic, he had just got his drivers permit. He kept it at his parents house, and we never really bothered to register it to his name. This morning around 7am i get a call from him telling me he thinks the car was stolen, immediately after - before i could report it stolen i get a call from a private number. It was the police telling me they had found a car stripped and abandoned and it was under my name. I told them not to tow it, that i would be there to pic it up in 15 minutes. I jumped out of bed and drove to the address they gave me. I met up with two officers who were standing around the civic. Everything was going as any usual theft recovery would go, i provided them with information about the car and showed them what was missing. right as we were wrapping things up one of the officers informs me that "oh and by the way you have a warrant for your arrest" and busts out his cuffs. So i spent the day in a holding cell, had a friend bail me out, and spent a bunch of money to get the civic back my brother's house.

[ESmorz]

The Night With All Of The Urine

It's Thursday night of Spring Break. Me and two of my friends invite a group of girls over to the house across the street from my friends house to drink. One buys a couple of bottles. One is Absolut Vodka and the other is a big ol' handle of Borsky vodka. We take the Borsky and pour it into an old Skyy bottle so the girls one get all sassy about drinking cheap shit. They come over, we all sneak into the house. I end up getting pretty drunk. Just about everybody except one girl does.
I end up randomly hooking up with one of these girls.
We will call her girl X. So I'm hooking up with X in the bathroom and girl Y comes in and busts in on us. I am hiding curled up and drunk in the bathtub, hoping she doesn't see me. Y is a girl who is totally into me and can barely hold her sexual urges around me at any time. Y walks over and asks why I'm hiding curled up in the bathtub. I tell her I don't know what she's talking about. I then get up. The door to the bathroom is shut now. Y asks what me and X were doing in the bathroom, I say nothing. She presses on saying that she knows we were hooking up and doesn't care. We end up having a three way makeout.
I end up hooking up with both of them repeatedly throughout the night.
Fun Fact about girl Y:
She blew me, and was scared of letting me finger her at first because she hadn't shaved in a few days. She told me this, and I replied with "Fuck it."

Fun Facts about girl X:
1. She kept telling me about how tight her vagina was. Jesus Christ, I think I know. I'm not gonna repeatedly tell you about how big my dick is if you're playing with that.

2. She pissed on me.

I will now proceed to go into further detail about girl X's Fun Fact number two.
We hooked up multiple times throughout the night, in multiple rooms of the abandoned house. She wasn't a total looker, but fuck I was drunk and it happens. So the last time we ended up hooking up before passing out drunk, I had to tear her away from one of my friends. He is a brilliant man, and she felt beneath him intellectually. So, to counteract this, she drunkenly tries to talk to him about politics. This doesn't work because all he wants is to get the fuck out of there. She refuses to let him leave the house until he calls to me for help and I distract her. I then take her back in the house where she grabs me and proceeds to hook up some more. We go into another room, we pass out hooking up.
Two hours or so later I wake up. I am confused because there is now no woman beside me. But, I feel a pressure on my upper legs. Like there is a person sitting there (I was sleeping on my stomach). I look back to find X squatting on my legs, using the very bottom of my buttocks as a seat almost.
I then start to feel the sensation of warm water on my legs.
I am very confused, I don't understand how this could possibly be.
I wonder on this new sensation a few moments water.
I realize there is a woman squatted above me... and she is pissing.
And she is pissing good.

I snap out of my drunkenly surprised stupor when I see her turn back to me, chuckling. Eyes fluttering. Dumbass retard grin on her drunken trailer hooker looking face. I've made a huge mistake by hooking up with this woman.
I begin to freak out. I repeat the phrase, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" like a chant as I boot her the fuck off me where she collapses to the ground. I get up as fast as I can and begin tearing my clothes off. Still repeating, "WHAT THE FUCK!?"
She is unconscious once more.
I exit the room, shivering from the cold, now in my boxers. One of my friends who had previously been passed out drunk on the floor in another room has also recently woken up. He stops and looks at me. He asks what happened.
I tell him that I was pissed on.
He calls the friend that lives across the street from the house, who went home to sleep earlier. He states that he needs a blanket because he is cold, and that I got pissed on.
Avocado, the nickname I give to the friend at the house with me, tells me that I need to get X back. That I need to urinate back on her. I decide that this is a fantastic idea. I go to urinate on her unconscious body, and find her laying on the ground on her side.
It is done.
Not a long stream, but enough to thoroughly douse her ass and side. Ace, the nickname I give to the friend living across the street, comes over and I tell him about what happened. I then tell him the entire story of what had happened. I then tell him that he should pee on X, because I did not have enough urine inside of me to do the job properly.
He agrees.
He is completely sober.
He douses her completely. From head to toe. A good piss.
My friend has my back.

Epilogue: Avocado went to sleep, spooning behind another girl at the party. He woke up a few hours later. He feels the presence of another person spooning behind him. He turns around. It is girl X. Covered in a combination of three different people's urine. He begins to repeat. "YOU'VE GOT PISS ALL OVER YOU!" And gets her the fuck away from him.

END

______________

I like Ace. He's a real cool guy. Reeeeal cool. ;)

[Pactin]

Whoa, is that forreal? Were you aware you had a warrant on you, or were you just surprised they would arrest you after getting you back to you car?

[ayuaddict]

i was not aware i had a warrant. nothing was mailed to me, etc.

[Pactin]

Wow. If I may ask, what was the warrant for?

[bluecb7]

OP: That sucks about the warrant.

And ESmorz: I'm sure my dad hates you right about now, it's 3:00am and I'm pretty sure I just laughed loud enough to wake him up.

[jzepol1985]

I have some good ones. I won't post all of them at once but I will share one. I will post every other day.
On to the story

This was over a year ago. I just got out of the Marines. I don't like telling people this because I get bombarded with question after question. Well this FAT chick sat next to me in Sociology, which happened to take place once a week. I will describe how fat she is, the class took place in a portable classroom. Well when this FAT chick would walk by the floor felt like it would cave in. No lie she walked by me and my red bull slid off the desk. Well from the start of class she would always ask me random questions. I know a thing or two about trying to get someones attention. So I knew she wanted me and I wanted nothing to do with her. So after a month or so of her bugging the shit out of me. I got fed up and told her. Look I am sorry but I am not interested in you. I said that and figured she would run off crying... But she didn't. She responded loud enough for everyone in the class to hear. She Said " Why does every guy want to f#Ck me" When She said this the class went silent. I am Mexican so I have a year round tan, and at that moment I was as red as a white guy who passed out at the beach and got sunburned. So the fatty got me good and the hotties stopped talking to me. I hated going to class the rest of the semester.

[ESmorz]

Said " Why does every guy want to f#Ck me" When She said this the class went silent. I am Mexican so I have a year round tan, and at that moment I was as red as a white guy who passed out at the beach and got sunburned. So the fatty got me good and the hotties stopped talking to me. I hated going to class the rest of the semester.

That's when you say "Nobody wants to fuck you fatty" and then drop the class.

[ayuaddict]

Wow. If I may ask, what was the warrant for?

yea, im sure its public info anyways. apparently it was for assault and battery.

I have some good ones. I won't post all of them at once but I will share one. I will post every other day.
On to the story

This was over a year ago. I just got out of the Marines. I don't like telling people this because I get bombarded with question after question. Well this FAT chick sat next to me in Sociology, which happened to take place once a week. I will describe how fat she is, the class took place in a portable classroom. Well when this FAT chick would walk by the floor felt like it would cave in. No lie she walked by me and my red bull slid off the desk. Well from the start of class she would always ask me random questions. I know a thing or two about trying to get someones attention. So I knew she wanted me and I wanted nothing to do with her. So after a month or so of her bugging the shit out of me. I got fed up and told her. Look I am sorry but I am not interested in you. I said that and figured she would run off crying... But she didn't. She responded loud enough for everyone in the class to hear. She Said " Why does every guy want to f#Ck me" When She said this the class went silent. I am Mexican so I have a year round tan, and at that moment I was as red as a white guy who passed out at the beach and got sunburned. So the fatty got me good and the hotties stopped talking to me. I hated going to class the rest of the semester.

that is a horrible story, in an awesome way. if that makes any sense. should have kicked her in the face.

[ESmorz]

yea, im sure its public info anyways. apparently it was for assault and battery.

You're not invited to the slumber party anymore.

:hide:

[sleep]

yea, im sure its public info anyways. apparently it was for assault and battery.



that is a horrible story, in an awesome way. if that makes any sense. should have kicked her in the face.


Wait...................



















































what? lawl

[Tops*]

***Happened to a friend of mine. I'll tell the story in 1st person to cause less confusion.***

This all started a few weeks ago. I went out bowling with my buddies one night and met the girl of my dreams. Afterward, we were invited to her house with a few of her girl friends and hit it off. Started talking, started seeing each other regularly. I went to her 24th b-day party and a few weeks later she came to my 21st. Not soon there after I lost my virginity to her! Everything seemed so right with her. I was head over heels in love with her.

So, V-day is...today. We had plans of spending the day together. I gave her a nice necklace a few days ago because I just couldn't wait...

FTW!













Anyway, I go out to the bar with my buddies the other night, the 12th to be exact. Right as we walk in, I see my girl all up on this guy (X). WTF! If it wasn't bad enough, I find out from my buddy (A) that she was making out with a different guy (Y) the night before AND she was wanting to f*ck my buddy (B) on my 21st b-day. I also find out that my girl was really into buddy (A). Seriously? To top it off, she tells me that we were just friends this whole time.

FML!

What a whore.

[n240sxfnatic]

I have some good ones. I won't post all of them at once but I will share one. I will post every other day.
On to the story

This was over a year ago. I just got out of the Marines. I don't like telling people this because I get bombarded with question after question. Well this FAT chick sat next to me in Sociology, which happened to take place once a week. I will describe how fat she is, the class took place in a portable classroom. Well when this FAT chick would walk by the floor felt like it would cave in. No lie she walked by me and my red bull slid off the desk. Well from the start of class she would always ask me random questions. I know a thing or two about trying to get someones attention. So I knew she wanted me and I wanted nothing to do with her. So after a month or so of her bugging the shit out of me. I got fed up and told her. Look I am sorry but I am not interested in you. I said that and figured she would run off crying... But she didn't. She responded loud enough for everyone in the class to hear. She Said " Why does every guy want to f#Ck me" When She said this the class went silent. I am Mexican so I have a year round tan, and at that moment I was as red as a white guy who passed out at the beach and got sunburned. So the fatty got me good and the hotties stopped talking to me. I hated going to class the rest of the semester.

Should have just taken shamu to bonetown!!

[wh0aitznic0]

The Night With All Of The Urine

Epic. I couldn't stop laughing for like a whole minute straight.