View Full Version : I need some help and maybe some thoughts on a female situation...
Alright guys this is gonna be a little long winded, but please bare with me.
And first off to anyone that wants to come in here with a shitty attitude or say something stupid please just don't bother, I'm sure I am gonna get a lot of shit on this subject so just try to refrain from judging.
Ok now that all that is out of the way I will give you the prelude to my big issue. I went to germany a few years back to tour and visit family and made pretty much a trek over europe, pretty much all the basic trips (Uk, france, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, italy, Greece, Poland) it was myself, my friend James, and his girlfriend that went. Well our 2nd week in we were staying with my relatives that lived a little outside of munich. We went out drinking one night and I met this girl named Alex, we hit it off really well, her dad lived in Berlin, and her mom lives in Wagrowiec (sp?) Poland. We ended up hanging out alot my last 3 weeks I was their and messed around a bit.
Well fast forward to now, we have kept in touch ever since I left europe and we typically talk 2-3 times a week either on phone or through messenger services, and we usually get to do video chat once or twice a month if we both get the time considering the time zone changes and mine and hers workload. Well we have both respecitvely had relationships since we have been together but we always stay close friends... Hell she knows more about me than any of my other friends and she is about the only female I really trust.
Well the other day we got to do some video chat since both of us were off from work, apparently she split up with her last boyfriend because he had a problem with her speaking with me all the time, I told her that she shouldn't have done that considering I was so far away, she pretty much busted out in tears and professed her love for me and told me that she can't really see herself with anyone else since we were together.
I'm currently not home right now and in AZ for business but I return in November and she was talking about coming to visit me for a few weeks when I return and I really don't know where to go from here and if things do get considerably serious what options do we have? I know that I can get citizenship in Germany considering I have family and plenty of sponsors and could get a job very easily but I have so much here, her on the other hand she is still a student, but could easily get a job here as well with the degree she has but I have no idea on immigration laws for the US.
So guys tell me what you think because I am literally at a standstill right now with the whole situation....
Sorry for the long read
*Cliffnotes
Went to germany
Met hot chick
Hooked up with said hot chick
Girl wants to come see me and try to start relationship
Don't know where to go with relationship.
mrmephistopheles
10-30-2009, 08:09 PM
I see you've taken care of Step 1 - "Post about relationship issues on internet car forum".
Now it's step 2 - "Ignore what masses of internet have to say, and wing it".
Don't forget step 3 - "Fuck bitches, get money."
I can't seem to remember the source for step 3 right now, but it's still not horrible advice.
Once again just want some advice maybe from anyone that may be dating or has dated a foreigner considering I have never done so nor have any friends or else I would be asking them.
ESmorz
10-30-2009, 08:21 PM
Go to ASU and find a hot girl.
Just wear a condom.
Matej
10-30-2009, 08:24 PM
What are you still doing here? You should be in Europe right now.
Even if it does not work out with her, it is a good excuse to go.
Don't have problems finding American girls, believe me, I'm not a player or whatever but they are all the same, may say they are different but they all have the psychopathic tendencies, or maybe I just find the completely messed up bishes
What are you still doing here? You should be in Europe right now.
Even if it does not work out with her, it is a good excuse to go.
As much as I would love to go back to germany I just simply don't have the time, hell I am still out of town for the next month in AZ, I have been staying in a hotel room for the past month lol.
HyperTek
10-30-2009, 08:31 PM
u need to know her more in person.. over the phone/chat, people will mold themselves into what you like.. but in person 3 weeks aint enough time in physical contact to make the decision man.
Thats a tough one man, cuz you already got some feeling for her since you been talking to her for so long, thats time you cant let go or wouldnt like to consider wasted. You jus gotta chance it if your serious. You already been to europe so you know how it is. Have her visit you and see how it is, see how she is around your fam, if they approve then go for it.
u need to know her more in person.. over the phone/chat, people will mold themselves into what you like.. but in person 3 weeks aint enough time in physical contact to make the decision man.
Thats a tough one man, cuz you already got some feeling for her since you been talking to her for so long, thats time you cant let go or wouldnt like to consider wasted. You jus gotta chance it if your serious. You already been to europe so you know how it is. Have her visit you and see how it is, see how she is around your fam, if they approve then go for it.
Ya I know what you mean and if you can't already tell I have a seriously hard time trusting females, so its like double the wtf on me right now, never really had a close chick friend just come out and tell me they love me.... and Like I said I could make it in germany it's just I have more here than she does there as well, her mom is about to pass away, and her father is almost never there and the only thing that is really keeping her is school but she finishes soon.
S14DB
10-30-2009, 08:38 PM
Is this East Germany or West Germany?
Is this only for the girl or do you genuinely want to make a huge life change?
Berlin homie so kinda east and west haha, and there is about a 40 percent chance of me moving, what will most likely happen is she may move here if it gets serious, I just don't know how to go about getting her a visa and all that for the US, I'm not all that set on moving to the Deutscheland but I wouldn't rule it out either.
silverarrow27
10-30-2009, 08:44 PM
u need to know her more in person.. over the phone/chat, people will mold themselves into what you like.. but in person 3 weeks aint enough time in physical contact to make the decision man.
Thats a tough one man, cuz you already got some feeling for her since you been talking to her for so long, thats time you cant let go or wouldnt like to consider wasted. You jus gotta chance it if your serious. You already been to europe so you know how it is. Have her visit you and see how it is, see how she is around your fam, if they approve then go for it.
I'm with this guy. :bigok:
But I'll also add that there is nothing wrong for her to visit. You already it said yourself you guys hit it off at the start. Don't let love find you, you go find love. Good luck in your endeavor and I give two thumbs up for having her visit. When you say visit, it's not a permanent stay, so why worry? If it works out great. If not, at least you guys tried and gave it a shot and have closure that you guys aren't right for each other.
As for immigration law, worry about it later unless you're ready to jump into a serious relationship right away and have her move in with you.
drift freaq
10-30-2009, 08:45 PM
Heh ok I will speak up here what hypertek says is true. Fact is you guys need some long term time together. You know you like her and you know she likes you. That does not automatically spell compatibility.
Trust me I know, my avatar, ya that's my current and on off long term girlfriend. She is Japanese, born and raised. She lived here for almost nine 9 years. We dated when she lived here she went back. She wants to come back permanently. We have been through a lot and she has visited many times since going back. I am going to Japan as well.
Though when friends say why don't you guys get married? I tend to feel like she needs to be back her on a permanent basis and us together before that final decision can be made.
Honestly in a situation like this one of you is going to have to ask themselves if they are willing to take the chance to see if it will work. That basically means either you go there and live. Which I doubt will happen or she comes here.
Several years ago I met a Chinese girl living in London, we hit it off it was intense. She was ready to drop everything and come to the states after living in London for three years working towards her British Citizenship. She did not want to go back to Shanghai.
I could not ask her to do that. I felt it was not fair to her. Much like I could not move to London and drop everything I was doing here in the states.
She would have if I had said yes. I felt that would have been selfish on my part. What if she had thrown away that to come here and then discovered we were not compatible on a permanent basis. She would be here with nothing and ditched her chances in England.
We agreed to be friends, and let it go. She met a German in London they wound up dating and got married. She lives in Germany now. LOL
As far as Aya is concerned she wants to live here regardless of how she feels about me. So even if we did break up. She would want to stay. LOL
I hope this gives you some insight.
SUPERSTAR
10-30-2009, 09:03 PM
Men on Men action will always save you these type of headaches. Trust Me.
I LUV MY S13
10-30-2009, 09:10 PM
well just see how you feel when she visits..then take it from there..immigration is a little rough right now, but if you guys are patient, then there shouldnt be a problem
Freaq thanks, that is exactly what I needed and was what I was thinking, considering that everything works out well and we can visit eachother and spend some quality time and get to know what it would be like to live with eachother then go off that basis. I honestly didn't know what to say to her when she told me everything and how she planned to come to the states just to visit me because I haven't ever had someone be so direct or go to such a length to see me.
I'm not quite sure how everything will pan out considering I have 2 car projects my work, some family stuff going on so its not like I can drop everything like you said just to go to germany there is just honestly too much on my plate and this just adds to it.
I guess when she gets here we will just have to see how things work and take things from there.
This is the girl in question, Aleksandra, most recent pic I have of her, girl on the left
http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/672/ld7ce515b61b714985011b1.jpg
Men on Men action will always save you these type of headaches. Trust Me.
Sorry don't like the meat and potatoes ;)
w0nderbr3ad
10-30-2009, 09:23 PM
You can't really know anyone in a 3week period and video chat afterwards. Its still up in the air and you guys are just getting to know one another's likes and dislikes. Sure it feels awesome now but actually spending 1on1 time on a long term basis is a must. Usually with me trust is earned because lets face it chicks are easily two faced. They are almost always too emotional and ride on that. You guys can date and what not but going for that long term type relationship wouldn't be smart at this point. Just keep talking and just date if at all possible. After maybe a year or so of knowing her then decide whether its worthwhile to invest time and money into that person. I'm taking my own advice because I'm going through this as well. Just not that far of a distance as you are.
Ya I definitely don't plan on jumping off the deep end extremely fast, I guess there is one plus though if I do decide to up and leave to germany, I can consolidate all my damn cars and just take the skyline with me and atleast finally the damn thing will be street legal lol. But I appreciate all the help guys.
SUPERSTAR
10-30-2009, 09:29 PM
Sorry don't like the meat and potatoes ;)
That's to bad. :kiss: Good luck.
garagelu
10-30-2009, 09:37 PM
Damn dude, from looking at the picture, I say put a ring on that finger and bring her back to the states.
No but seriously, make sure she is in it for real. Think about where you are in life and if this fits in it. We do crazy things for love don't we....
I love going abroad and meeting girls. I dated two girls at the same time when I was visiting Taiwan 2 years ago. I was there for a month also. I'm going back this christmas for 2 1/2 weeks. Hopefully I meet someone as hot as the girl you got.
Thanks garagelu, ya she is quite the looker, I really wasn't looking for her to be honest I sat down at Augustinerbrau (for anyone thinking of going to Munich, this is definitely a place to stop at) and she sat down next to me and ordered me a drink and things went from there lol.
Matej
10-30-2009, 09:52 PM
Is this East Germany or West Germany?
It's not 1982 anymore.
Future240
10-30-2009, 10:14 PM
Sounds like a huge life change for someone you don't really know. Personally I would have her come here on a student visa, that way if things don't work out she has to go back and you are all in the clear.
Ya, she would have to get a work visa though considering she is almost out of school though...
Walperstyle
10-30-2009, 11:11 PM
Get her to find you a wicked job there, then move. If she wants you, she has to work for it.
TheWolf
10-30-2009, 11:34 PM
listen.. as much as people get into this... if you want to figure this out.. you guys got to spend some time together.. it's the positives why you get married... it's the negatives why you love them forever... my wife is stubborn... hard headed.. and god bless her a pain in my ass sometimes.. usually when she's like this its because she see's something I don't.. and I'll be frustrated beyond belief but it works out in the end.. if you guys don't argue it's not a relationship.. it's just friends with benefits.. to be honest if you spend a month together and don't get on each others nerves atleast once then I'd be worried... someone isn't voicing their frustrations because it's natural to annoy one another at times... you'll need time to develop boundaries.. understand things about one another.. either one of you is going to have to move if your serious..
Step 1. Commit. Nut up or shut up. Voice your feelings. Make firm plans for moving this forward and dates for them. Set out a realistic budget. Then go from there.
Step 2. Be Cool... Have one join the other for atleast 1.5 months. You should get in atleast one argument. Be yourself. If you walk around in your underwear while scratching your balls and leaving your dirty clothes piled up in your closet then do that. Don't run the vacuum every day because she's around if you don't normally.
Step 3. Plan. If you don't know at the end of 1.5 months if you guys are right for each other or if you want to continue this then you should probably break it off. It'll hurt. Eventually though it's going to hurt only one of you when the other finds a serious heart throb. If you guys are like jammin still and the sheen hasn't worn off then commit to one country or the other for citizenship reasons. Then start laying out a budget to move from one to the other.
As fast paced as this is. It's not unrealistic. You'll need to either shit or get off the pot. Hesitation is going to get you mowed over. You've already laid out that you guys have compatible styles and likes/dislikes.. if the habbits that need to get checked out and then you're golden..
Wow wolf thank you, I think I will be talking to her about trying to get some together time for atleast a month or two because from everything that I am hearing from you guys and a few friends that would ultimately show how compatible and well we work with eachother. Now it is all just planning around hers and mine busy schedule. I really appreciate everything you guys. I honestly don't know where this may lead, but I do care enough to find out, so here is to hoping for the best. I will keep you guys updated, she is supposed to call me tomorrow during my lunch so that we can get some more time to discuss it seeing as how it was kinda rushed on me in the first place.
Devens240
10-31-2009, 12:09 AM
fuck bitches. get money.
fuck bitches. get money.
Aren't we a real OG :rolleyes: lol I was waiting for that actually, but someday you'll learn money isn't everything, believe me I had the same attitude...
Bubbles
10-31-2009, 12:47 AM
She's fairly common good looking.
She isn't anything you couldn't find at Arizona colleges 100 times over.
Even in the picture there's a near identical girl.
You guys hang out, talk, that's cool.
Me, personally I wouldn't go out of my way.
http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/672/ld7ce515b61b714985011b1.jpg
napaKAliboog
10-31-2009, 12:51 AM
fuck money
garagelu
10-31-2009, 12:54 AM
She's fairly common good looking.
She isn't anything you couldn't find at Arizona colleges 100 times over.
Even in the picture there's a near identical girl.
You guys hang out, talk, that's cool.
Me, personally I wouldn't go out of my way.
If you're young and don't care, yea looks are everything. Once you get older, you will find that looks are a factor but personality is a much bigger factor.
Bubbles
10-31-2009, 01:02 AM
If you're young and don't care, yea looks are everything. Once you get older, you will find that looks are a factor but personality is a much bigger factor.
I want the whole package.
FairLady_JDM
10-31-2009, 01:06 AM
disregard females, acquire currency.
drift freaq
10-31-2009, 01:16 AM
I want the whole package.
Seriously dude, if there is chemistry between them that goes a long fucking way. Until you have had chemistry with a Women, you don't realize what you have been missing. Fact is, the way you talk, I can bet you never have. When you do, you don't turn it down.
Seriously dude, if there is chemistry between them that goes a long fucking way. Until you have had chemistry with a Women, you don't realize what you have been missing. Fact is, the way you talk, I can bet you never have. When you do, you don't turn it down.
QFT
Looks definitely aren't the full consideration you should be taking, in all honesty you are right I could probably find another cookie cutter blonde to fill that role, but that isn't what I am doing here now is it? I am going out of my way because I actually have a strong connection with Alex.
You will understand in time, looks fade, but remember that hot chick your waking up to that has a personality of a plank with a nail in it is just going to become older and less attractive as time goes on, but she is still gonna have a sour personality.
And money cannot buy happiness I can tell you that right now, I have plenty of toys, a nice house, pretty much everything someone my age could want. However I work like a dog, I am alone, minus the few friends that I still keep up with that aren't pissed at me for being gone or working all the time. When you find someone that fits with you you'll understand.
And for the record this isn't pointed at what freaq posted but to what every other person that said something about looks, or about money.
If that shit makes you happy so be it, as katt williams said "by all means make your dough boe boe". I don't see the fun in waking up with strangers, or coming home to an empty house.
theicecreamdan
10-31-2009, 07:33 AM
if you're openly admitting problems with trusting women, maybe you should look into that before you go anywhere with this. Sounds like you need to let the past go.
HAWKKS
10-31-2009, 11:02 AM
Well I think that's the good part of not being involved in any kind of relationship. Even if some time I feel like I really need a girlfriend.
Dude, don't even bother...If you feel that go for it, if you don't...so DON'T!
PHeller
10-31-2009, 11:33 AM
Would you feel comfortable going to Europe to live and work? If not, then you shouldn't ask her to come to the U.S. for the same reasons. Personally, no offense to the U.S. (born and raised), but I'd rather go the EU than make "the perfect girl" come here. From what I understand the economy is better over there and even your normal run of the mill job has a base pay that can support cost of living.
On that note, if you went over there would she give you a place to stay until you found a job?
My philosophy after coming out of a 3 year relationship is that I don't want one until I can support one. Once I've got a nice place, my finances and education settled and my career path figured out, then I'll be ready for another "real" relationship. Until then I'm happily single and building the "love resume".
BustedS13
10-31-2009, 01:23 PM
you're going to wind up suiciding in a bunker somewhere
don't do it
Slammed180
10-31-2009, 01:25 PM
you're going to wind up suiciding in a bunker somewhere
don't do it
I see what you did there......
BustedS13
10-31-2009, 01:29 PM
I see what you did there......
that's what german women do to powerful men
Slammed180
10-31-2009, 01:36 PM
Assuming this guy is powerful, lol.
nismo 240sx
10-31-2009, 05:57 PM
just make sure she is in it for you and not because she wants to get a visa from you and then ditch and live in the usa because it was one of her dreams in life...just be careful!
she is a cuttie though!
BustedS13
10-31-2009, 06:36 PM
http://i35.tinypic.com/i6a168.png
http://i35.tinypic.com/i6a168.png
LMFAO, I hope to god I would never have a hitler stache, wait is it prerequisite if I have a german girlfriend? That may be a problem I cant grow staches very well :bash:
Lol and to whomever said something about her using me for a visa, I don't think she would go to that extent considering she is very skilled and educated, she could easily get a work visa if she tried I am sure.
I did speak with her today, she is planning to come here for 3 weeks when I return, and depending how things go then we are gonna take things from there. I think that I may also be leaving next year for a month or so to spend time with her in germany since she can't afford to take the time away from school seeing as she graduates next year.
silverarrow27
10-31-2009, 07:24 PM
Sounds like a plan, just ditch all your car projects when she's visiting. Spend time with the girl and build the relationship...cars are material things.
fightinchunk
10-31-2009, 07:34 PM
don't have problems finding american girls, believe me, i'm not a player or whatever but they are all the same, may say they are different but they all have the psychopathic tendencies, or maybe i just find the completely messed up bishes
qft!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like a plan, just ditch all your car projects when she's visiting. Spend time with the girl and build the relationship...cars are material things.
Well I am looking to buy a members car when I return, so that should be taken care of, and the R32 is in shambles waiting for parts anyways in my garage so there is no urgency to finish anything up while she is here.
She is somewhat a car driver herself, her car in germany right now is a caged E30 M3, and she has done the ring a few times. So that is another plus she understands (I use that term loosely as she isn't much into modding her car) my car addiction.
drift freaq
10-31-2009, 09:03 PM
She is somewhat a car driver herself, her car in germany right now is a caged E30 M3, and she has done the ring a few times. So that is another plus she understands (I use that term loosely as she isn't much into modding her car) my car addiction.
sounds like a winner to me. LOL :D
sounds like a winner to me. LOL :D
She definitely knows how to drive, not quite the tuner though, she bought the M3 with the cage and suspension mods already made, it was actually my idea that she get that car. She was looking at either getting that or a modified Audi S4 bi-turbo with K-04s but I advised her she would be better off with the E30.
and Freaq I wanna thank you for your help man, I talked to her pretty much about everything that you advised, and she agreed that she didn't want to just rush this, and that this has been on her mind for a very long time she just didn't know how to tell me because she didn't know how I would react. I am glad though that everything seems to be going forward smoothly now its just a matter of when she gets here if I can get used to coming home with someone in the house. :D
Alan_s14
11-01-2009, 12:24 AM
Love and happines don't come by the hand as often as you think...and this is one of those times... so thats kinda my opinion, you have the last word!
Good Luck!
Bubbles
11-01-2009, 05:56 PM
A girl that can drive a car?
Holy shit!
You've found true chemistry.
Marry that bitch quick.
A girl that can drive a car?
Holy shit!
You've found true chemistry.
Marry that bitch quick.
:fawkd: someone loves the sarcasm I see, I meant properly, around a track.
Rick-95ZE
11-01-2009, 10:47 PM
Well I am looking to buy a members car when I return, so.....
and the wife and I would be happy to throw some genuine relationship advice your way when you stop by to check out the ride ;) .. Give me a call when you get back in town..
and the wife and I would be happy to throw some genuine relationship advice your way when you stop by to check out the ride ;) .. Give me a call when you get back in town..
Will do man, you have PM by the way ;)
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