Relationship Issues

[nissanracer29]

Hello everyone the last few weeks for me have just been horrible and confusing and I think I have things finally figured but im not sure. Anyways my girlfriend and I have been going out for close to 3 years now. I go to school at the University of Tennessee and she goes to a community college back at home. We have made it work even though we dont really get to see each other much. So im finally home for the summer and am so excited that we will get to spend alot of time together. Well Friday I am driving home and I see her car at the office that her mom works at. Her mom is also there so I stop by next to her car and proceede to write her a little I love you note and leave it. Then as I am doing that I see this guy coming out of the office and when he sees my car he turns around and heads back into the office and then my girl comes out. I dont think anything of it because my girl explains that he is working for her mom so I believe her and everything is ok. Well I then leave the office and head home as I am heading home I notice that my friends 240 has some rear end dammage so I stop in and find out what happend. (This is another story lol) I then leave the parking lot and as I am pulling out I see my girl following her mom with the guy in the passenger seat so I am mad as you can imagine and catch up to her, roll my window down and wave but she doesnt roll hers down or waves. So I think the worst of this situation and catch up to the mom and ask her what is going on. Her mom told me that she made my girl take that guy home and that I have nothing to worry about. So to cut a long story short my girl gets really upset at me for thinking that I though she would be cheating on me. She later said that the reasion why she didnt roll her window down was because she knew that I would get mad. Anyways my girl and her mom met up in the parking lot with me and we talked things out. Everything was now out in the open. Some things good and some things bad. So her parents are a little upset at me for some of the things I have done and upset at her too. So we dont get to see each other for like a week but we still talk to each other on the phone.

So this sunday I got this text message:Hey hunny I want you to know that I love you more than you will ever know in the current situation we are in I think we need a break im not saying forever just some time to sort things out things are really bad for me right now and the saying is if you love someting let it go if it is meant to be it will come back into your life I know God has a plan for both you and me he knows whats best and his will will be done im turning it all over to God now its in his hands but I want you to know I love you and always will.

I think that she wants a break or is breaking up with me so I am deeply hurt and try my best to move on. Well the next day she sends me another message telling me that she loves me and misses me so bad. I decide that I am going to ignore and give her the space that she wants, well I get a message later saying that she cant take this anymore and want me to reply back to her. She then tells her brother to text me and get me to reply to her. So I give in and reply to her. She then says that she will call me when she is alone. Like when her mom and dad isnt around, but its been 2 days now and she still hasnt called. I thought that she wanted a break so why is she texting and telling me she will call me when she is alone? Do you guys think that maybe she is not allowed to talk to me anymore because of her parents? And if she didnt care about me why would she still tell me she loves me and get her brother involved? Sorry for this being so long but I hope that you guys can give me some advice on what is going on here. Thanks in advance guys :)

[Phlip]

This whole situation is EXACTLY why I tell people that long distance relationships are bullshit, ESPECIALLY when you're young.

She knows you don't trust her because of the vagueness of the situation with the dude, her mother and herself...
Because of this, she is having a hard time facing you.

Here's what you do:
Tell her that you need to talk to her and that you want to talk directly, not to one of her representatives. You GRANT her that "break" that she seeks, explaining that if it is meant to be down the road, then it will be, but you are NOT going to save yourself for someone that you cannot fully trust...
THAT'S IT!!!
Nothing more, you go about your life, you meet people, you keep her as a good friend. If you date other people, then so be it, same rules apply to her. Once school is over and there is a definite end to the distance, longer than seasonal breaks and such, then explore the chance of being a "we" again, and this is of course if nothing else has presented itself.
The thing here is to NOT hamstring yourself into a half-assed relationship with someone you cannot trust. Your story as presented does not suggest that you trust her, and beating yourself up about it is not fair to either of you.

[slider2828]

I have a long distance relationship and my girl in Japan. It works and this is my 3rd long distance relationship....

Not to be an ass, but Sex is the best way to tell and I ain't lying. If you come home or she visits you and wants to jump into bed and jam, then she is still into you.

If she is unwilling, it means she ain't into you. Girls express love in sex, guys just wanna smash all the time, but seriously its all true....

Its fishy, but seriously this is one sided story too a little cause you see things and say things that may not portray real story...

BUT....... Just like Philip said, LEAVE NOW! You in college, smash it left and right at school forget her. 3 years from high school is like puppy love.... whatever......

Once someone is thinking about break and says the word "break" its over.... leave

[theicecreamdan]

I have a long distance relationship and my girl in Japan. It works and this is my 3rd long distance relationship....


Define "working" because your definition doesn't seem to match mine.

[enkei2k]

Once someone is thinking about break and says the word "break" its over.... leave

:stupid::stupid::stupid::stupid::stupid::stupid:

done and done. that's what i would go by as hard as it is. once it's on your mind, it'll always be on your mind.

PS- don't we already have a relationship thread somewhere?

[nissanracer29]

Thanks for the reply guys. She has come up and seen me at school every week since we have been together, so we have tried to make it work that way. And like you said slider2828 the last time she came up to school we made two movies if you know what I mean. So I believe she still loves me and all and that maybe she really is going through a hard time. I just wish that I could talk to her in person or on the phone. Having a conversation with text messages just isnt going to help matters I think. I wish I could move on but its just really hard to after being with her for so long. I am waiting today to see if she calls or texts me and I will reply about it back on here when she does. Thanks again guys and keep the advice or opinions coming :)

[nissanracer29]

Originally Posted by slider2828
Once someone is thinking about break and says the word "break" its over.... leave

Yea thats what I thought, so why is she still trying to communicat with me?

[vr4gasmtt]

Yea man I feel you on your situation, I feel like I'm in the same situation, been in a relationship for 3 years and now my girlfriends acting all shady and shit. Like seriously, did I just waste the last 3 years of my life on this girl... and in the end I come out of it comepletely fu*ked...

Sex is a good indicatior but honestly, what if the girl just loves sex.:naughtyd:

[nissanracer29]

Yea man I feel you on your situation, I feel like I'm in the same situation, been in a relationship for 3 years and now my girlfriends acting all shady and shit. Like seriously, did I just waste the last 3 years of my life on this girl... and in the end I come out of it comepletely fu*ked...

Sex is a good indicatior but honestly, what if the girl just loves sex.:naughtyd:

Yea I would like to think that I didnt waste the last 3 years of my life. Im just hoping that maybe she can think about everything we have done in those 3 years and consider me as her future. I dont know man this whole situation stinks. Its like everything was all fine and then someone flipped a switch and now here I am typing. My girl thinks of sex as something that is only shared with someone who she plans on having a future with so I think she is still into me.

[240cracker]

her mom is deff going to lie for her.

girls need attention all the time. if u arnt there in person to give it to her she will find someone else to get it from. who ever said once u say take a break its over forever thats dumb. i have said that to my gf plenty of times in the passed three years and right now we are stronger then ever and have no signs of breaking up.

bottom line..
from the the way u explained its obviously shady and then she calls a break after your insacure about something? thats not love..

let the break happen and if u mean anything special to her she will come back to u with a apology

signed,
DR.PHIL

[Phlip]

Yea I would like to think that I didnt waste the last 3 years of my life. Im just hoping that maybe she can think about everything we have done in those 3 years and consider me as her future. I dont know man this whole situation stinks. Its like everything was all fine and then someone flipped a switch and now here I am typing. My girl thinks of sex as something that is only shared with someone who she plans on having a future with so I think she is still into me.

I have, to this point, avoided asking this question but this post draws it out of me...
How old are you?
You're beginning to sound like you're so into this girl because you've never known anything else. If it is such a big deal -- as it should be -- that you speak to her person to person, be it on the phone or in person then TELL her or whomever she tries to send to converse with you.
If she can't at least concede that much, then tell her to kick rocks with both feet.

[Vision Garage]

Check out the relationship thread. Adademik1 started it i believe. He know his shit!

[drift freaq]

I have a long distance relationship and my girl in Japan. It works and this is my 3rd long distance relationship....

Not to be an ass, but Sex is the best way to tell and I ain't lying. If you come home or she visits you and wants to jump into bed and jam, then she is still into you.

If she is unwilling, it means she ain't into you. Girls express love in sex, guys just wanna smash all the time, but seriously its all true....



More true with Japanese girls than American girls. American girls do not tie sex to love as much as Japanese girls do. Trust me on this. I know well.

As far as the OP goes pretty much what phlip said is on the money. For the most part you sound pretty young and seem to be putting quit a bit of stock into this relationship.
You need to ask yourself some questions.
First off, Is this your first love? There is a big wide world of women out there and you are young. Its your time to explore and get to know lots of different women.

I honestly feel most men are too young to be getting tied into a long term or marriage bound relationship at the ages of 18-25. Why? You're still basically a kid maturity wise. Its just true. Sure you can grow up fast and be more mature, but why push shit?

Being a kid and having a devil may car attitude, is not something you get to hold onto. Enjoy it while you can.

Relationships are part of what takes us in adulthood. Along with responsibilities. Expect a lot more of this and the freedom of being young without as much cares to slip away. Don't tie yourself into something that is more work than needed at your age.


Unless this girl is the absolute magic one for you(which it does not sound like given what you have explained) I would take her statement of needing time apart and go sow your oats. I.E. go out and meet other women have some fun.

Plus honestly if this girls mother needs to be involved in your relationship with her well then neither of you are being mature about it. Regardless of how the parent feels a relationship is your decision not theirs.

[slider2828]

Define "working" because your definition doesn't seem to match mine.

She is moving back next year... is our plans.... probably proposing next year and getting married a year or two after that....

Thats the plan, but then again we see each other often. She comes every 3 months and I go on the probably 2 times this year. She came 3 times last year and I went 4. Met the family bla bla bla....

So yeah its working out, but we have good communication. Its kewl....

[slider2828]

Thanks for the reply guys. She has come up and seen me at school every week since we have been together, so we have tried to make it work that way. And like you said slider2828 the last time she came up to school we made two movies if you know what I mean. So I believe she still loves me and all and that maybe she really is going through a hard time. I just wish that I could talk to her in person or on the phone. Having a conversation with text messages just isnt going to help matters I think. I wish I could move on but its just really hard to after being with her for so long. I am waiting today to see if she calls or texts me and I will reply about it back on here when she does. Thanks again guys and keep the advice or opinions coming :)

Oh man..... he sounds done guys....

That sounds pretty "all in" in poker terms to me....

"I am waiting today to see if she calls or texts me and I will reply about it back on here when she does. "

Thats not good.... play it cool like you don't care. Dude something is going on and you are still waiting hand and feet... GO OUT AND GET SOMETHING ELSE!!

[slider2828]

Originally Posted by slider2828
Once someone is thinking about break and says the word "break" its over.... leave

Yea thats what I thought, so why is she still trying to communicat with me?

Easy, cause she knows she effed up and just to make HERSELF feel better about the situation, she is trying to talk to you. Inflection I think its called (make yourself feel better cause you feel guilty, by making someone else feel better).... Women are like that... selfish

[drift freaq]

I have a little rule with women. If they fuck up, and break my trust or make me wonder? They have to prove themselves to even get back to where we were. Most of the time they will automatically fail it on their own actions or comments. That is fine by me as I move on.

There is one women in my life that has proven to me(in a positive way) exactly how she feels after making some mistakes( mainly self centered lol). I am proud of her. I have watched her grow. She is not the norm.

If this girl is texting you and not actually talking to you? That is a form of avoidance in my opinion. You need to sit her down and explain that you're not comfortable with that.

Of course I hate text'ing and think its a total avoidance mechanism for a lot of people. LOL

Though I would say, that you do need to step off. You are to young to be getting married. The fact that you have to come here to ask about the situation shows that. There is nothing wrong with it. Its just, people who are really ready to get married do not feel the need to talk about their relationship with other people in a forum online with their automotive peers no less. LOL sorry but its just true. IMO.

[slider2828]

Pho shizzle..... to that

TN isn't so bad.... Just swing by LSU

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee6/ccwolfe75/Cubs/LSuGirls-1.jpg

[nissanracer29]

Thanks guys, I am 24 and have had relationships before but none as serious as this one. I guess the fact that she would always talk about the future and getting married and all just made me think that she really cared about us. I guess you guys are right, there are more fish in the sea. Its just the thought of her looking into my eyes and telling me things that are probably not true hurts me. I guess im going to wait and see if she still texts me or calls and go from there. This whole situation would be alot better if she would just call me and talk.

[nissanracer29]

Pho shizzle..... to that

TN isn't so bad.... Just swing by LSU

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee6/ccwolfe75/Cubs/LSuGirls-1.jpg

Nice that is proof that there are more fish in the sea!!!!

[Om1kron]

Pho shizzle..... to that

TN isn't so bad.... Just swing by LSU

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee6/ccwolfe75/Cubs/LSuGirls-1.jpg

yup, girl in the white and sista on the lower left would both get the butta.

long distance relationships suck.

period.

no need to reason with you or tell you anything to assure the fact you are right or feel this needs to be looked at deeper than it already has.

[theronin]

long distance relationships usually dont work out. its not worth the time, energy, or heartache. just cut it off. its easy since you wont have to see each other. start dating girls around your area. Be young, live.

[drift freaq]

Thanks guys, I am 24 and have had relationships before but none as serious as this one. I guess the fact that she would always talk about the future and getting married and all just made me think that she really cared about us. I guess you guys are right, there are more fish in the sea. Its just the thought of her looking into my eyes and telling me things that are probably not true hurts me. I guess im going to wait and see if she still texts me or calls and go from there. This whole situation would be alot better if she would just call me and talk.

Well you have entered into what I call a prove it mode. She has raised doubts in your head. Doubts that hurt. You are human, you can't play the game of love without expecting to get hurt or experience hurt. Its the nature of the territory.

She is going to have to show you, otherwise? like I have already said get on with things.
Basically when I was 24 if a women said marriage I would be like hell no. Sorry but I wanted to enjoy myself. You have plenty of time for the serious shit.

Plus, I would not step to marriage unless I absolutely felt she was the right one.
A girl talking about marriage does not tell me she is the right one. Its got be a lot deeper than that. Maybe it seemed like it was but the fact that you had her look at you and say things that were not true is not a good sign.

[ESmorz]

Is that other guy more attractive than you?

[lflkajfj12123]

bro.............

[ESmorz]

Well if he is, she's definitely fucking him.

[1ZlowZ]

One of my x's tried to blame me for the reason she cheated on me... She said she heard from someone else that I cheated on her with someone else so she did same she still loved me blah blah, all after we broke up... I said "fuck that, fuck you, fuck off." To this day she is 7 months pregnant with a 28 y/o dude, shes 16...

I like to be alone now.
She tried to have sex with me so she could pin the baby on me and her parents not to find out about her bf, but something was fishy so I didn't want to do it.

[1ZlowZ]

Oh, and get this the dude is still legally married and has 3 kids. I can already hear Jerry Springer calling her name. Or Maury, whos' baby is it?

Completely off topic, sorry.

[SochBAT]

-Cliff Notes-

SHE'S FUCKING HIM.

[SR2Zero]

Ok, first of all... don't wait around for someone who is wanting "a break." A break is a breakup.. as in something has changed within her.. you can't control it. Don't make yourself fucking miserable because of one girl. I dated a girl throughout high school... over 3 years. Yeah, most of the time I felt like I was in control. Well, turns out she wanted a "break" and during this "break" she was with another guy. Don't bust your balls trying to make it work with a girl because you've been with her for so long. Yeah, it'll be wierd trying to find someone else... and it's probably gonna be hard. You won't find someone just like her.. don't even effing compare them.

Basically... man don't waste your time. What will happen, (If she's in "love" with you) she's gonna see you with other girls.. see you happy. She'll either do one of two things... basically, want you back, or try and spite you by being "happy" with other guys.

From then on its your call. If she wants you back... qualify her motives. Were you that good to her? Is she jealous? Why she want you back NOW?

If she trys sporting a new guy on her arm.. don't even bother beating the shit out of him or ect. Act like you don't give a rat's ass, and its even better if you truely don't.

[theronin]

@ the OP, how old are you?

[lflkajfj12123]

he said he's 24

which is funny

[dynamicck]

Sounds like you and girlfriend have communication issues. Especially the fact she wanted to talk and didnt call. She's playing games. If she wants to talk, her ass can step outside the house and talk, or go for a drive.

She's playing games. Drop her, and find another girl at your school.

And don't EVER be the jealous, possessive boyfriend. That is always a disaster.

[silpena]

dude sounds alot like me with my ex. All i can say is listen to her when she says god ha a plan for you two. What she says can come back and bite her in the ass. Just ignore her. LEt her be. Waiting around and morning her being gone is not gonna bring her back. It'll just push her away. Believe me she will come running back if she doesn't like whats out there and if not, oh well FUCK HER. A break= forever done. No friends, no nothing. Don'T even respect her parents or family. They shouldn't be invovled in your relationship. If you have to talk to her for closure. Meet her eye to eye. Let everything on the table and get it through her thick head that your walking out forever. Shes nothing to you. It will hurt her but maybe shes needs it. Obviously shes weaker than you if she cant handle the relationship.

Seriously just go out and do stuff, i did the same thing. Waited and waited for her calls and texts. It's nothing but games and a roll call for her to make sure she still haves as a back up in case everything falls apart. LIke driftfreak said: make her work to get you back. Ive allways said actions speak louder than words. Dont jump in fast either. Lay some rules down.

Do not be the one to text her and call her and all that. Ignore her for awhile. Itll drive her crazy. Women need serious constant attention and your her back up for that.

another thing i want to say is dont jump in to another relationship and meaningless hook ups. There is nothing there and will turn your heart into stone. Just let time go. Learn to move on. Find who YOU are again. Be happy being single. I know its hard, i mean i am still getting used to being single and not with my ex but you just gotta do it. The first 1yr is gonna suck because of certain dates like xmas, thanksgiving, b-days, anniversary dates but just hang in there.... again...... say it to urself "FUCK HER" eventually you will find someone better who wont walk away from you. IDk if you will be friends but i doubt it. Its hard to be friends with ur first love so quick. I know i cant. Maybe down the future when i truly move on and laugh about it.

ur age has nothing to do about it. Ppl dont seem to society values and morals have changed from the old days. AS long as you can talk like an adult and know how to handle your emotions. Then ur able to maintain long distance relationship. People who shouldn't be in them are ppl who know ahead that their roads are different and wont compromise for their significant other. People these days want too much. Money, power, fame=greedy self centered selfishness. Thats what destroys relationships.


as time goes by so will ur love for her. Believe me. I talked to my ex recently and man i couldn't even recognize her voice. I was like damn.... i guess i aint that bad. It made me feel better.

[Kaizen.]

^thats the way I see it.

Check this.

My ex-girlfriend moved to the bay for SF State. 2 years later, she ended up getting with a girl?! Dood, my girl got a mf girlfriend! LoL! No really though that shit was bad, I didnt know to be mad or sad! But its koo, I was talking to someone the week I found out so it wasnt too bad.

You guys probably thinking, 3some with my ex and her girl right? No they werent tryna have it. =/

[azndoc]

Sometimes with chicks to do something is to do nothing.

Their weird in that sense. Pay them attention and it might overwhelm them, pay them no attention then they might seek it elsewhere.

Like someone posted on another forum. In relationships let the girl decide if the relationship should be taken to the next level. You don't do shit. Because at least at that point their mind is made up and you just go with it if your down.

She wants a break, fuck it. That's her bad, nothing to do with you.

We get hung up on girls, we all do. But the best thing to do is to move on. If someone doesn't want to be with you then what's the point of making yourself unhappy. Just go do your thing in college. Your in college, you should be single anyways.


Oh and lastly, she was probably cheating on you.

GL

[nissanracer29]

I agree with what you guys are saying. She sent me a couple texts yesterday and I didnt reply here they are:

Omg I hate this im so afraid you will forget me I love you more than life itself :(

and then she sent:

I miss you

If she didnt care why would she still be sending messages like that? Im really thinking that her parents dont want her to talk to me or see me. But like you guys said im trying to move on and I am in college so this coming semester could be fun :)

[Phlip]

I agree with what you guys are saying. She sent me a couple texts yesterday and I didnt reply here they are:

Omg I hate this im so afraid you will forget me I love you more than life itself :(

and then she sent:

I miss you

If she didnt care why would she still be sending messages like that? Im really thinking that her parents dont want her to talk to me or see me. But like you guys said im trying to move on and I am in college so this coming semester could be fun :)

How old is SHE?!!?
Wait another day or two, when you get a similar text, do not respond to the text, CALL her. If she doesn't respond, put the ball in her court by reminding her that you're trying to talk and she is not responsive to it apparently.

[slider2828]

If that shit was true... then why she want a break anyway.... She is just bsing you.... :blah:

[TheRonTom31]

Girls never know what they want. My guess is thing have gotten comfortable(boring) between you two. SO she sees all these new couples and is looking for the new couple butterfly feeling. Girls need excitiment and a challenge when they know they have you and your not going anywhere is when they pull the shit your GF is pulling. Its kinda like a test. If you fall apart and beg for her to stay with you, she'll dump you. If you act like you might move on a little hurt and still cool and manly you'll pass her stupid little test.

Honestly though from my expirience when girls pull this shit its over. Its really not worth going through this bullshit. Cause once they know they can do it once they will do it whenever they want for any stupid reason. Its like an excuse to hangout or do stuff with other dudes without being called a slut, whore or cheater.

I'd move on. Call her a dumb bitch first and tell her you not playing these childish games.

[enkei2k]

How old is SHE?!!?


that's what i'd like to know. for her to say that it's kinda...wtf. if she hates it, then she should do something about it.