Line between friendship and relationship blurry...

[SimpleS14]

I'm currently in a friendship where I'm finding myself doing more and more things that couples would do (besides intimacy). Various things like dates, arguing and even meeting the family. Some times she jokes around that we straight up act like a couple. =/

I'm dancing around the idea of asking the girl to back off a bit, cause I'm starting to get mixed signals. Ironically the next time we see each other is during a dinner date for her b-day...and I really think that wouldn't be a good topic...:ugh:

Anyone have this happen to them before ? Where you're friends with someone and things start to take a different route or mixed signals going around?

[LeftNutOfGowd]

Look like she's just wants some arm candy

[SimpleS14]

Look like she's just wants some arm candy

lol wha?

Is it something along the lines of me wanting eye candy ?

[cserrano86]

So... you see it as just friends but you have a suspicion that she wants to be more than friends?

My advice would be to just be straight up about it. Have a serious talk one day and ask her how she really feels. If it turns out to be true then just let her know you're not ready for that. It seems like you're leading her on un-intentionally... which is not good...

[CrimsonRockett]

Happened to me once before.

If she's just a really good/cool friend, I don't see the problem with it.

Now, if you're dating somebody else and doing this...then there's a problem.

Instead of letting it drag on and wondering about the mixed signals, why not have a conversation about it?(just don't bring it up before her birthday deal).

[Killa_D]

Look like she's just wants some arm candy
lol is she hot if so wtf man just give her some of your arm candy :eek3d::eek3d:

[Phlip]

lol is she hot if so wtf man just give her some of your arm candy :eek3d::eek3d:
That is terrible advice and the worst reasoning to do ANYTHING. No one listen to this man.



To the OP - this is a classic dick in a glass jar situation, you will either want to seal the deal and be with her, or not be with her... If you're with someone else and are this familiar with this chick, then the problem will become worse. The two of you will either need to shit or get off of the pot.

[LeftNutOfGowd]

No arm candy means the girl just wants a guy who she can basically do anything you would do in a relationship but without being bf and gf basically just a cool friend

[s13tilldeath*]

Yea i have had this happen before too. i just went with it though. We ended up breaking up an continue to be friends. (with benifits :boink:)

So i say go for it if she is hot.

[VROOOM]

No arm candy means the girl just wants a guy who she can basically do anything you would do in a relationship but without being bf and gf basically just a cool friend



just watch out, once you give her the arm candy she will want the rock candy.

[SimpleS14]

Happened to me once before.

If she's just a really good/cool friend, I don't see the problem with it.

Now, if you're dating somebody else and doing this...then there's a problem.

Instead of letting it drag on and wondering about the mixed signals, why not have a conversation about it?(just don't bring it up before her birthday deal).

what was the outcome? (if you don't mind saying)

Yea, i guess I will have a serious talk after her b-day.

Also she's the one dating someone and I hear almost every day how iffy she feels about this guy.

No arm candy means the girl just wants a guy who she can basically do anything you would do in a relationship but without being bf and gf basically just a cool friend

AHHH that does make sense...it is looking like that...just no lubby dubby stuff.

Yea i have had this happen before too. i just went with it though. We ended up breaking up an continue to be friends. (with benifits :boink:)

So i say go for it if she is hot.

She's hot (IMO)...but I can't be FWB with her. I've done the FWB route with another girl and I'm pretty sure I can't do that with this girl without getting emotions caught up in the mix.

[cserrano86]

Also she's the one dating someone and I hear almost every day how iffy she feels about this guy.
Ooooohh... She's probably thinking of leaving her man for you. She probably realized how her BF sucks compared to you and wanna start dating considering how good you guys get along and such. Don't be the rebound man. If you really wanna date her, give it some time...

[Phlip]

These are the only 2 things in this post I need to respond to...

Also she's the one dating someone and I hear almost every day how iffy she feels about this guy.





She's hot (IMO)...but I can't be FWB with her. I've done the FWB route with another girl and I'm pretty sure I can't do that with this girl without getting emotions caught up in the mix.

She is dating someone, which ABSOLUTELY makes you the "dick in a glass jar" (in case of emergency, break glass) and you are doing no one any favors by allowing yourself to be there. She seems to be getting a lot more out of this situation than you are, all with none of the vaginal commitments in exchange for them.

If you cannot within yourself do the friends with benefits thing -- be it because of her other dude or you just can't let yourself do it -- I strongly suggest you dial back the amount of your attention she is granted. Yeah, it seems cold, but that is time you will NEVER get back, spent cupcaking with a chick that you're not and won't be with.

[SoguRacing]

You should let her know what's going on in your head. Think about it...Would you want to be led on, if in fact that is the situation.

[SimpleS14]

Ooooohh... She's probably thinking of leaving her man for you. She probably realized how her BF sucks compared to you and wanna start dating considering how good you guys get along and such. Don't be the rebound man. If you really wanna date her, give it some time...


=/ I definitely don't want to be a rebound....I dodged that twice already. Also I know her far too well that I don't think I want to date her.

These are the only 2 things in this post I need to respond to...


She is dating someone, which ABSOLUTELY makes you the "dick in a glass jar" (in case of emergency, break glass) and you are doing no one any favors by allowing yourself to be there. She seems to be getting a lot more out of this situation than you are, all with none of the vaginal commitments in exchange for them.

If you cannot within yourself do the friends with benefits thing -- be it because of her other dude or you just can't let yourself do it -- I strongly suggest you dial back the amount of your attention she is granted. Yeah, it seems cold, but that is time you will NEVER get back, spent cupcaking with a chick that you're not and won't be with.


Thanks for this advice. I'm actually being trying to dial back the attention I give her and she's been putting on the pressure to see me or hear from me. This past week (which is leading up to her b-day)..I'm getting atleast three calls a day.

edit: It might be a misunderstanding, but I will know for sure when I talk to her.

[Phlip]

Ooooohh... She's probably thinking of leaving her man for you. She probably realized how her BF sucks compared to you and wanna start dating considering how good you guys get along and such. Don't be the rebound man. If you really wanna date her, give it some time...

Troof!

And don't entertain ANY thoughts of her leaving him and coming to you, as you will NEVER be able to trust that she won't one day do the same shit to you.

[CrimsonRockett]

what was the outcome? (if you don't mind saying)

Yea, i guess I will have a serious talk after her b-day.

Also she's the one dating someone and I hear almost every day how iffy she feels about this guy.


Phlip already answered it pretty well.

Between the girl and I though, we had a serious talk and decided to just keep being friends, but not seeing/talking to each other as often(because we seriously did act like a couple). Still friends to this day, but don't go out/talk anymore since I'm in a serious relationship now.

Troof!

And don't entertain ANY thoughts of her leaving him and coming to you, as you will NEVER be able to trust that she won't one day do the same shit to you.

+1.

I know friends who have been through that.

Told them NOT to be with such a girl to begin with since they can come back and do the same shit to you.

Did they listen?

No.

Did they get fucked over in the end?

Yes.

[lucky7]

i feel like im in something similar at the current time. its frustrating me a bit as well. i wont get into it though, not here. but this relationship shit is not my strong suit. good luck with your shit, dude. but so far, im thinking phlip is the man with the plan in this case.

[drift freaq]

what was the outcome? (if you don't mind saying)

Yea, i guess I will have a serious talk after her b-day.

Also she's the one dating someone and I hear almost every day how iffy she feels about this guy.



AHHH that does make sense...it is looking like that...just no lubby dubby stuff.



She's hot (IMO)...but I can't be FWB with her. I've done the FWB route with another girl and I'm pretty sure I can't do that with this girl without getting emotions caught up in the mix.

Ok heres the deal. I have started out with FWB and had it turn into something very sweet. I have also had the long term friend period that turned into a lot more. Now with this girl you do need to have a discussion with her.

She is dating someone else while this is going on with you. All the times I have been in situations like this there has not been someone else they are dating even though the door has been open for that.

When It has looked like a situation where I was headed towards something like your situation? The boundries have been clearly established either by her or I.

In other words we are just good friends and nothing more or she needs to drop the other guy and get serious. Now the only problem with the latter is if they are willing to leave someone to go to you. They might possibly do the same thing to you in the future.


Plus nine times out of ten if they are lining up you before they have left him? They are usually users and gold diggers.

Talk to her.

Oh and it does sound a bit like she trying to have her cake and eat it too. She seems to be getting rather attached to talking to you. If I was the guy she was dating this would be bugging me. LOL

[Bubbles]

I'm currently in a friendship where I'm finding myself doing more and more things that couples would do (besides intimacy). Various things like dates, arguing and even meeting the family. Some times she jokes around that we straight up act like a couple.

This is so basic and common of a girl to do.

So you're basically a couple without sex.

She's pulling you along as a back up.




I'm dancing around the idea of asking the girl to back off a bit, cause I'm starting to get mixed signals. Ironically the next time we see each other is during a dinner date for her b-day...and I really think that wouldn't be a good topic...:ugh:




That would be a PERFECT time to do it.

I don't have dinner dates with girls, just the two of us, on their birthdays that I don't have plan to have sex with.

You know why?

Because I'm a heterosexual male.


Clear this up asap and you'll be happier.

[Vision Garage]

im sorry bubbles but Every time i see your name

http://mjjr.net/images/content/20080311Bubbles.jpg

On the real. Just have a conversation about this with her. I think its cuz you give what her man doesnt. A new toy to play with!

[Bubbles]

I'm not even sure what that is?

Michael Jackson with a monkey?

Explain.

[SimpleS14]

I'm not even sure what that is?

Michael Jackson with a monkey?

Explain.


lol his pet monkey was named Bubbles

[Vision Garage]

good job Simple!!

but really.... figure out what she is trying to get at. Especially since she has a man. Thats some dangerous territory right there. Ya dont wanna be a home wrecker. And like you said, you really dont want to be with her.

OR DO YOU?

[Bubbles]

Holy shit this thread is about to get awesome.


the beloved monkey bubbles , once owned by michael jacksonhttp://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/imgs/grey_loader.gif
(http://www.topix.com/forum/who/michael-jackson/TDMUK7GTBHK09SI9B#) has been found dead in his cage, zoo officials said monday night.

it is beleieved to be suicide, but the coroner hasn't ruled yet.

during the autopsy, it was discovered the michael jacksons bananna was lodged in his throat.

webster and maccauley caulkin are both aet to be called in to court (http://www.topix.com/forum/who/michael-jackson/TDMUK7GTBHK09SI9B#) as witnesses.

this is so horrible, zoo officials have stated, he just had a sex change last month.

bubbles 1983--2008 r.i.p.

[lflkajfj12123]

http://chriscockreham.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/dog-wig.jpg

[DALAZ_68]

just watch out, once you give her the arm candy she will want the rock candy.
like crack rock?

These are the only 2 things in this post I need to respond to...


She is dating someone, which ABSOLUTELY makes you the "dick in a glass jar" (in case of emergency, break glass) and you are doing no one any favors by allowing yourself to be there. She seems to be getting a lot more out of this situation than you are, all with none of the vaginal commitments in exchange for them.

If you cannot within yourself do the friends with benefits thing -- be it because of her other dude or you just can't let yourself do it -- I strongly suggest you dial back the amount of your attention she is granted. Yeah, it seems cold, but that is time you will NEVER get back, spent cupcaking with a chick that you're not and won't be with.

nail on the head

[I LUV MY S13]

i'm in an exact situation right now..been friends for a year and little by little we're spending alot of time together ha

[highwaystar22]

Personally I would never be that guy. Been there, done that, wrote ten books about it. If you stick around long enough you may wind up being the rebound guy. There is always a trust issue if she leaves him for you and you guys date.

I just had this happen. I knew this girl and we dated off and on for three years. She bounced between me and her BF. I was young and didn't care much. We didn't see each other for a bit and we randomly met up. Started to hang out again and I realized her relationship was on the rocks. We went out a bit and chilled. He went into the army and we chilled solid through basic and when he came back she was back with him for two or three weeks. She wanted the best of both worlds.

She ended the deal with him and we started dating. A month later I get a video message on my cell from him and it's them screwing. I went ballistic and cut the cord. She basically said he forced the issue and would never happen. We were best friends and I thought we could work through it.

Fast forward three years. We own a place together. Talked about marriage and were getting close to sealing the deal and getting engaged. She reconnects with an old friend, guy friend. They hang out and we're introduced and we become friends. We hang out all the time. he's more her friend than mine, but it's cool. we all get along. She goes on short term disability from her job and has all the free time in the world. Her issue is gastrointestinal, so it doesn't bother her all the time. She says she needs "alone time" to figure out her life and what she wants to do. Says she "went from one long term relationship (with Army Boy) to another one with me and never had time to be herself".

Long and sordid story short. She hides cheating on me for 6 months. Used an excuse to split because she didn't have the balls to tell me. We drug on for three months quasi-dating and still living together before I finally stepped on it and moved out. After I left I found out the truth for myself from her AIM convo's with him. Now she is with him and I just found out is three weeks pregger's with his kid.

Don't be that guy man. I used to be cool with making a girl cheat on her man, but after that I'm over it. I'm too old for drama. I just want a cool, non-shady chick. For now I just do me and have fun. I'll eventually settle down. I'd squash it and just let her do her thing. It's not worth the hassle if Sh*t hits the fan. If she leaves him for you, you'll never know if she'll do the same to you.


Sorry for the long post.

[druthafoo]

That girl is stupid.. You cute as shit; I'd smash many times. You that is.

[SimpleS14]

Sorry for the long post.

No worries at all, I really liked your post. It really helps me see what a projected outcome would look like. Thank you.


As I've said before, I don't want to date this girl because I know her too well. When I say this, I know what to expect and I know the old saying that you lose them the way you got them.


I'm going to have a talk with her next week (her bday is this week) and set things straight and reinforce how I feel by acting upon it.


Thanks for the responses everyone.

[ANVIL]

pics for reference?

[ESmorz]

TTIWWOP

I think all attractive women do this. Back in freshman year, girls used to do this to me all the time. Then I realized I could just be a giant asshole and say whats really on my mind and actually get laid and not have to wade through their bullshit.

Don't hold her purse while she is fucking some other guy (metaphorically speaking, I hope).

If you want to fuck her... fuck her.

If you want to date her... ask her.

If you are just a pussy... keep waiting idly by and being the other "boyfriend" that gets nothing out of it besides a evil woman's company.

That is all.

[iwishiwas-all*]

lmao soo been there, umm depends on if u wanna break her up or not, shes obviously feeling u way more than her dude, but u have to weigh out ur options.
In my case this girl i know wants my dick, but her bf is a dick and a maniac, and someone i know... not looking to get shot up at my house over some chick that would prob do it to me, best believe when they break up (inevitable) ima be there to smash that shit though..., just try not to get hurt on it.

[SimpleS14]

pics for reference?

It's somewhere in a thread where I posted a pic of myself....

TTIWWOP

what?

[Slammed180]

It's somewhere in a thread where I posted a pic of myself....

Damn, this is going to take a long time. It better be worth it.

[lflkajfj12123]

ttiwwop - this thread is worthless without pics

[SimpleS14]

*sigh*

lol you guys are a trip.

Once again, I don't want FWB or date her.

[xKennie]

Been in the same spot as well man cept i had a GF while it happened to me. Shits hella weird at first cause thoughts starts going through your head about what shes thinkin and all but then again maybe your just overthinking it.

Like Johnny said it could just be a real cool down to earth girl with that kind of personality. If so then nothing to worry about.

Buuuuuut......you already stated your gonna have a convo with her about it so be careful how you word your sentences. I know of scenarios where my friends talked to their bestfriend of the opposite sex about it and now they dont hangout or talk nearly as much. Kinda sucks if th girl takes it like that, but good luck man.

Its a weird thought to have in your head tho no lie.

[damiansyadathi]

just dit like all the drifters do on this site, hit it and then pass it to the next person. "it aint no funn yif the homies can get none"

[Slammed180]

just dit like all the drifters do on this site, hit it and then pass it to the next person. "it aint no funn yif the homies can get none"

Was that english?

[EDacIouSX]

she aint bad but i dont really dig black chicks.... i say don't worry about it just be normal and don't give in to her that much eventually she'll get the idea and it'll turn back into a friendship.

[b-s14]

DO EET!!!

haha just kidding man.

[raf702]

To the OP, just be straight forward about this issue with her. If your experiencing these feelings I'm sure she is too. And she's probably talking about it to her other friends. No time for any games, mixed feelings, signals etc. Just have a serious talk with her, let her know what's on your mind. Before she spills the beans on you, and your left thinking, "Why didn't I say something?"

[Phlip]

^^^
You're a day late, homie, that has been said time and again

[raf702]

Sorry, didn't think the OP would consider anyone's opinions.

[Phlip]

Even the people he responded to and thanked?

[NISMO_tuner]

I was in the same situation.
I was really close with a girl and we were just friends.
We would talk to each other everyday.
She got me really confused and one day I finally had a serious talk to her about it.
I told her how I felt and I found out how she felt about me.
But you do have to be careful. Things were never the same after that.
But not all people are the same so it might be a different story for you.

Like most people have said, have a serious talk with her one day and go from there.

[SimpleS14]

Its a weird thought to have in your head tho no lie.

lol that's so true, but after a day it's not so bad

she aint bad but i dont really dig black chicks.... i say don't worry about it just be normal and don't give in to her that much eventually she'll get the idea and it'll turn back into a friendship.

Yea, I will ease up on the attention I give her and try not to act completely weird once I say my piece.

Even the people he responded to and thanked?

Thanks for pointing that out.

[ESmorz]

Eh, the Serena Williams look lost me.

[lflkajfj12123]

lol white people.

[HyperTek]

flip the game.. when your with her, think you can make her your wingwoman? say stuff like "wow that girl is really pretty, think me and her would look good together?" etc

[lolatclint]

lol tell her shes "but you say shes just a friend! oh baby you! got what i need!" even tho the song doesnt go like that LOLOLOL

be like yo dont try and hit on me if u aint gonna gimme some fur burgers

[HyperTek]

im one of those dudes that feels that i dont need too many female friends to hang around me unless im sleepin with one or trying to. otherwise to me, hangin around females is a wasted time unless im pursuing one.

[singlecamslam]

Her hands look HUGE. Could be just the picture though.

[Bubbles]

Nah bro, she's straight amazon.

[ESmorz]

Nah bro, she's straight amazon.

http://www.coronene.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/klingon1.jpg

Don't talk about my daughter like that. Psssshewwww

[Vision Garage]

man you guys are BITCHES! Only on zilvia they would make fun of girls the members post!

[Bubbles]

Are you going to deny those hands are big?

[Vision Garage]

haha

http://www.students.stedwards.edu/jschanz/dafif.jpg

I aint saying nothin!

[Bubbles]

Dave Chappelle................I love you.

[ranger240]

shucks you cant delete posts anymore

[SimpleS14]

flip the game.. when your with her, think you can make her your wingwoman? say stuff like "wow that girl is really pretty, think me and her would look good together?" etc

nah, I've tired before.....she's not wingwoman material.

Her hands look HUGE. Could be just the picture though.

lol...it's just the picture, she has girly hands.

[TravisSW]

Meh, she doesn't look all that great imo, I wouldn't bother.

Oh well, any updates? lol

[Phlip]

I love how people have to beg for pictures, then pass judgment like they're all making fuckage with supermodels.
You guys disgust me, seriously.

[handinpants]

fairfax virginia, i know where that is... if you are good friends with her, talk to her, i mean what do you have to lose? if she can't talk to you as a friend, she prolly wasn't really your friend to begin with. girls always have hidden agendas, for me they usually want something in my pants, whether it be my wallet, keys or wang, but either way just friggin talk to her.

[TravisSW]

I love how people have to beg for pictures, then pass judgment like they're all making fuckage with supermodels.
You guys disgust me, seriously.


This due to my post at all? lol

I don't base everything on looks.

Hey, I'm sure she is a great girl, nice, charming, confusing like all women, but I don't know her. :P
And this is the intrawebs, so whatever! haha

Besides, the other thing I wanted to say probably would of had me pinked/banned....again. hahah Even though it is only a matter of preference.

[Mi Beardo es Loco]

These are the only 2 things in this post I need to respond to...


She is dating someone, which ABSOLUTELY makes you the "dick in a glass jar" (in case of emergency, break glass) and you are doing no one any favors by allowing yourself to be there. She seems to be getting a lot more out of this situation than you are, all with none of the vaginal commitments in exchange for them.

If you cannot within yourself do the friends with benefits thing -- be it because of her other dude or you just can't let yourself do it -- I strongly suggest you dial back the amount of your attention she is granted. Yeah, it seems cold, but that is time you will NEVER get back, spent cupcaking with a chick that you're not and won't be with.
That's true to an extent. That's completely true on the man's end but who's to say that this girl is not an attention whore and wants to string him along for her own ego and self image? She may not even like him like "that" and I think we all know how hard it is to break into a woman's vagina once we become friends with them. It might be a romantic story that two friends fall in love but it usually doesn't happen. If you don't sleep with the girl after the first few months of meeting her then it will most likely never happen.

To the OP- find yourself another girl. Don't get too caught up in this girl because if she rejects your sexual passes then you might dwell on it.

[SimpleS14]

I love how people have to beg for pictures, then pass judgment like they're all making fuckage with supermodels.
You guys disgust me, seriously.

lol that is so true. I don't mind what anyone has to say, it's not like they know the girl or me (besides b-s14 in this thread :keke:).

To the OP- find yourself another girl. Don't get too caught up in this girl because if she rejects your sexual passes then you might dwell on it.

Oh man, I feel like a broken record repeating myself. I have no intentions to date or be FWB with her and I haven't made sexual passes to her (in a serious manner). Most of the things we do (even this b-day dinner) she sets up.

Anyways, we had a small chat today and she understands where I'm coming from. She just doesn't want to end the friendship entirely and is okay with me dialing down the amount of time I hang out with her.

Moral of the story: Communication is key.

[s13skank]

Dude she wants you to ask her, if shes "joking" about it then yea she wants you to ask her. Whats the worse she can say? No which i bet you in your life you heard the word no a billion times

[SimpleS14]

Dude she wants you to ask her, if shes "joking" about it then yea she wants you to ask her. Whats the worse she can say? No which i bet you in your life you heard the word no a billion times

I can't believe you didn't read my last post. :rolleyes:


Thank you everyone for the helpful comments and opinions.


This thread does not need to be opened anymore.....