Lost an ex.... Dunno how to handle it...

[atutt]

So yesterday morning one of my ex's, and a very close friend, passed away in a car accident.

She wasn't driving and I don't know the details...

I haven't cried or anything. I don't know how to handle this at all.

I'm just wondering how many other people have lost and ex girlfriend or boyfriend.
How did you handle it?
Did you go to the funeral (something I don't know if I can do)

I'm the only one of my friends who has ever lost anyone other than family so they don't know to handle it either...

Mods, if this thread is innapropriate please delete it.

[atutt]

I'm not looking for sympathy here either. I'm just asking how other dealt with the situation because this is one I don't know how to deal with.

[cc4usmc]

When I lost a close friend of mine, I wasn't ok till I stopped fighting my emotions and let myself grieve. Sorry for your loss.

[spikNspan]

I've never been in this situation either, but I think it would be best for you long term if you went to the funeral and said your final goodbyes to both individuals. I mean, that's what I would do at least, hope that helps.

[wrapmeup2005]

Go to the funeral, doesn't matter if it was your ex. You said you guys were close, that means you both impacted each others lives. Go and pay your respect

[spikNspan]

Go to the funeral, doesn't matter if it was your ex. You said you guys were close, that means you both impacted each others lives. Go and pay your respect

exactly what I was thinking.

[CrashQueen]

although some failed relationships sometimes feel like you're mourning a death, i've never actually lost a bf to death.


so i couldn't tell you how to deal with your loss...

first off you may not be asking for sympathy, but i want to tell you that i'm deeply sorry


I've never lost a bf but i have lost family due to serious illnesses such as cancer and lukemia....and so i at least know what it is like to lose someone you love.


during my grandmother's death, i never cried for the first week but the reason why i didn't was because my mind was stopping me from accepting the truth and I was in denial of her death. I could not even force myself to cry when everyone else around me was...I had to feel the pain for myself. Perhaps, it will eventually come to you. When that moment arrives, whether you're angry or sad or spiteful, all i can really tell you is don't be afraid of it, and just let your emotions go.


funerals are never easy, especially having to attend one for someone who was very close to you, but i'd advise you go....as much you probably don't want to, you'll feel better about it in the end. trust me. Much better than living with the guilt and regret of not being there, when you think upon it later.


talking about it with other people close to you may be helpful too.



take care, i hope all goes well for you.~

[liv2drift045]

Never had to go through this but I AM sorry for your loss.

[Sil-Abc]

i havent had a close friend pass away but my best friend was in an accident and is still in a coma. Its been months and theres a slim chance of him fully recovering. Its a different situation but i know how it feels to lose someone close to u like that. I cant talk to him anymore or see him and it hurts in the beginning. There's nothing to really do to get rid of this feeling except to talk to someone about it. Talking it out even when u dont want to will help u alot. Over time ull start to accept it but u will never forget it. My best advice is just to find a close friend or someone ur close to and talk to them about it, let out what u want to say and ur feelings.

[Vision Garage]

Rather than think about the fact that she died, think about the good times you had together. If i were to pass away, I wouldnt not want ppl to acknowledge that I died. But rather in a good way reflect on the good times I had with them. Yes it is sad that your ex died and I am truly sorry for that. but instead of dwelling on the fact that she is gone, remember her for what she was and the good times you two had.

Thats what I did when my pops passed way. Yes I cried and there is nothing wrong with that at all. And im not the crying type if you asked any of my friends. So just take it all in at the funeral and then cheer up cuz your ex would want to to remember the good times you two had.

[drift freaq]

I lost my mother to cancer. Cried in the beginning then pretty much got used to the fact. Sometimes can tear up when I think about her. Lost one of my very close friends to a Motorcycle accident. That shocked me, I could not believe that it happened at first. Then it was like all the times we were not going to be able to hang out anymore. It really sucked.
I lost another friend to a blod clot in his brain. I saw him unconscious before he died. It was tough. Went to the funeral because I was like an older brother to his sister and she does not have any other siblings.
My ex got cancer, stage IV breast , she made it through, I was there for her even though we were not an item anymore. She is still around and I am still talking to her. She is the first women I have broken up with and stayed in contact with.
Go to the funeral, she obviously was important to you enough that even though she is your ex you care. That is the way it was with me. My ex had cancer but I could not pull off not being there for her even though she was my ex.

P.S. like Vision said above, think about something positive about her and cherish it.

[atutt]

Thank you everyone for all your sympathy.

This is the 3rd death in 20 days, and 2nd in the past week for me.

It should be noted that even though she was my ex, we chose that route as we were to great of friends to begin with. And we remained very very close friends.

I am definately remembering all the good times we shared. She was an incredible person. An angel unlike any other.
Our first date was going out to see F&F: Tokyo drift, on the day it came out. I still have the ticket.

The hardest thing for me is believing she is gone. I am a very understanding person when it comes to deaths.
I can accept death fairly easily. Not because I'm cold or anything. Just simply because I would rather the person (who up until now have all been (old) relatives) not be in any more pain and suffering.
But, this...
She was so young (19), beautiful, smart, and so much more. She had a bright future ahead of her. A very bright future.

I saw her just 2 days ago... I also heard the sirens of the emergency vehicles ripping down the road to the scene of the accident.

This is just so messed up... This is definately going to be one of the hardest things I've gone through to date.

[iHeartTheTouge]

pain and suffering is a part of life you cannot avoid. it is something that has to be dealt with. you need to find your own way of dealing with it. whatever way it is, do not become dependent upon it and let it control your life (drugs). the way you do so, you have to be able to overpower and come through it. life is not easy, everyone will/or has dealt with a great deal of pain but with time will power through it. give it time, and patience and you will come out on top. stay strong and find a way that is most comfortable with your lifestyle. if it be drugs, DONT let it take control of you.

[lucky7]

sad stuff man. im really sorry to hear. i have but only one ex. i havnt talked to her in about 6 years. but if she was gone, i dont know what i'd do. i still think about her/us nearly every day... sorry dude.

[Andrew Bohan]

Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.


these are all normal things that most normal people feel. don't try to resist it.
if you recognize where you are, you will have a better idea what comes next

[SexPanda]

I recently lost a close friend of mine, Tony. The last time I had seen him, we were talking about how great newspaper was when your clean your windows lol. Then one day I get a text saying tony had just shot himself. At first I was bummed, but I wasn't broken up about it. It took a few days to set in. The day of the funeral, I couldnt stop crying. It finally sunk in I had lost a good friend. He really was a good friend Mortality sucks, but any even slightly religious person knows there is more to life than living...

I'd sat I went through these stages though.
THREE Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.


It makes me feel better knowing he is in a better place. Bad things happen to good people. I've come to understand, if not, accept, that fact. I know how you feel, especially someone you knew that well. Just remember, they may not be on earth anymore, but they are always with you.

[TravisSW]

When my grandfather died /moms side/, he died when I was in elementary school. Maybe just a couple of years ago, when I was 21/22, I went through some old recorded VHS that we had of him.

I balled my eyes out. When I was a child, I didn't feel or think anything.

Eventually it may hit you.

[allntrlundrgrnd]

you just have to try to be strong.

[AznDrftr.]

shit dude, yea, losing someone isnt a great feeling at all. i've lost 3 of my close friends just this year alone.

But, just be strong, she's in a better place. yea, i know, easier said than bringin her back.

Its just something you have to deal with ya know.

[HyperTek]

my friend lost his girlfriend in a accident, they where struck head on by a drunk driver on the freeway *drunk driver going wrong way*.. his truck flipped and rolled.. He broke a toe and his arm.. he crawlled out and got her out of the truck too, he said she looked physically ok but she wasnt there.. =(

This was late 07. he was like 20 and she was 19. Whats sad is they where coming back from the beach around 2am or so. and she was falling asleep in the passanger seat and she said "ill love you til the day i die." Thats what he told me. His brother was kind of mad that i didnt go to her funeral, I just didnt want to be surrounded by that and i only met her once so i felt it should be imidiate fam etc..

[qwikspool]

stay strong and sorry for your loss

[usdm180sx]

I lost my Dad this past January and I lost my Brother this past July. Go to the funeral. Attending it will give you closure.

I'm still dealing with these losses. It's different for each person you lose and for everyone who experiences it. This year FUCKING SUCKS. I can't wait for it to be over.

[98s14inaz]

Let it go, have a drink, light a candle. Done. She's an ex therefore not yours anymore. Move on.

[touge monster]

At one time in your life, she was the most important person in the world.

I think going to the funeral is the very least you can do. You should try to get in touch with her family and see if there is anything you can do to help them.

I lost my grandmother this past June. That was the hardest thing I've ever experienced.

[ZenkiGTS]

best thing you can do is move on forward in your life as they would want you to... dont dwell on what has happened it will only tend to make you more sad... go out there and do things to keep your mind off of it man

[illvialuver]

man, funerals are not easy, but it is necessary. You can only have one, and if you miss out on it, and don't show your respect for the friendship and good times you shared will undoubtedly regret it.

I lost a very close friend of mine to a sickness and watched him die slowly.
I went to the hospital everyday, I did not know what to do.
Went to the funeral, did things like help with a picture collage and that kind of thing, and the funeral was hard. I had accepted it a week before, but it just did not seem real.
even seeing him in the casket did not make it real, but when I stood at the podium, and went to talk about my friend, and how I will miss him and how he affected my life, I got like half a sentence into what I wanted to say, then I started to have my eyes water up and a lump in my throat was stopping the words from coming out and I started to feel the tears run down my face, and I did my best to finish but cut it short.
It sucked, I couldn't believe it, I never had cried like that before, and that was the first time I lost a close friend who was not old or deathly ill. just out of no where , so unexpected.
you will be ok, but you will need to grieve. hope your alright.

[180sExy]

Wow I'm sorry for your lost. Just be greatful that you got to know that person on a deeper level than most people. About not crying it really just hasn't sunk in yet.

[majuljo]

overall man the best thing you can do is not keep anything on the inside. let it out and you might not even feel anything at first but when the time comes just don't hold back. i know if that happened to my ex i would ball my eyes out and our break up wasn't good. just cuz she is your ex doesn't mean she didn't impact your life so do what you fell needs to be done and then grieve. sorry for your loss.

[MudRacer]

My gf died four years ago in a car accident. She was 20, and was almost done with her bachelors in bio-engineering. She had a bright future ahead of her and she was smart, beautiful and one of a kind. One day she was on her way home from school. I had just spoken to her ten minutes before the accident happened. I did not know about it til next morning. We don't know what really happened that night on the fwy, but there was another car involved. She immediately went into coma after the impact. She was in a coma for a week, her brain had stopped responding and she died.

I went to her funeral, helped bury her. It was the hardest thing in the world. I never thought I would ever lose her. We were even going to get married. It completely tore me apart. I had never lost anyone I knew. and one especially so close. but I did go through all the stages listed above.

It definitely helps to talk to someone. Crying is something you cannot control, If you will not cry now, you will after a month, 2 months. Its a hard thing to accept that the person will never be there again. But it is something you must do. If you do not accept, and try to avoid it (like i did) It will keep u angry, and it will be much harder to move forward. And we all have to accept death. Its written.

Key thing is to be strong and know there is a purpose for everything. Help out the family as much as you can, and do everything she would want you to do. My family and friends helped me cope with the situation and someone was always there. Don't go into solitude, or avoid people she knew. It doesn't make it easier just postpones it. Think of the good times and treasure the moments. Its what you take with you forward that makes you.

I'm sorry to hear your loss. Hope you make it through alright, hopefully better and easier than I did.

[420sx]

go to the funeral. YOU NEED TO LET GO.


the way to handle it is just to realize that death is part of life cycle. We all die sooner or later. What difference does it make if its now, today or 20 years from now? No matter how important the person is to you it might happen any day, any minute. So live in the moments you got now.

I'm not morbid nor do i want to insult you in any way; I myself have lost a few friends and family also. You just have to shrug it dude or you can get all emotional about this.

The way i dealt with the death of my mother is just to not think about it or ever bring it up. Time heals everything!

[Mi Beardo es Loco]

everyone deals with death in their own ways. whatever you do just do not try to fight it or try to forget, it will prolong the grief.

[atutt]

Thank you everyone,
I just got back from the wake... Although it ended a few hours ago
Wow, everything was beautiful. She was beautiful. I couldn't believe how many poeple showed up. She was liked by many, but loved by all.

My heart was crushed when I saw her older brother. It was so heartbreaking to see him and the rest of the family so hurt and torn.
It's not right and it's not fair for this to happen to people like her.

They say bad things happen to good people.
But what happens to people who are more than that?
What happens to angels? Because she was truely a blessing to everyone who knew her.
I could fight myself for hours trying to come up with negative to say about her. But, there aren't any.

It's amazing how much we all take for granted.
I never thought I'd have to live without her in my life.

Sorry for the ranty type thingy...

[98koukile]

I lost my best friend 5 years ago and it still hasn't sunk in... I mean I've accepted it, but I never truly moved on. When I'm sitting at home bored he's the first one I want to call to hang out, just one of those things you never forget

[ZipTiedCoupe]

Bro, I know the exact feeling. Last december I lost my ex that I loved to death. Only reason she was a ex was because she had to move to MD. She came back for visits and stuff but she was my Bestest. She loved 240's and loved working on them with me.

Long story, she was killed in a car wreck December 2nd 2007 in MD. She was driving a S13 too.

Like the 2nd poster said, you wont feel any better until you give into your emotions. I know I didnt. Dude, it even took up until last month to finally gain closure. All I knew was she was killed, didnt know how, didnt know why or what. I finally broke down after day in and day out, not missing a beat, thinking about what ifs and hows? I finally made the phone call, got what I needed and gain closure.

I still daily think about her. I dont think I will ever really over come this situation. Especially since she was just in town 3 days prior to the wreck.

If I could go back, you bet your ass I would have been at that Funeral. I had to option, but I just couldnt. Its really up to you though, whether its going to help you celebrate their life or whether its going to continue to haunt you.

In the end, PM me if you need anything. I may not be able to answer it all, but I did go through it and overcome the loss and now just daily remember the happy times.

My prayers go out to the family and you bro.

[atutt]

I know it's been almost a year. Since I last talked in this thread.

But I'm bumping this as today is the one year anniversary of her death.

Even now. it's still hard to believe. I thought I had moved on. But, does anyone ever really move on?
I still feel like I could call her and expect her to pick up.

Is this normal?

[DrtyRat]

I just lost my Grandfather a few weeks ago, and sometimes I'm ok, other times I miss him dearly. It was the first death that my family has had to deal with. As I type this now, I can feel the memories coming back. I don't think I'll ever truely get over it. Honestly, I don't know if I really do want to get over it, I love keeping his memory alive and well. My condolences to you.

[Chad4061]

sorry for the loss. I had a good buddy of mine from high school pass away(car accident) and it was really hard seeing him. Just takes time and sometimes the emotions can be overwhelming. Hang in there man!

[Ceepo]

I dont think anyone every really gets over the death of someone close to their heart... she will always be in your mind, just cherish the memories and dont forget the special moments you had with her :)

[illvialuver]

I know what you mean, and how you feel. One of my best friends past away two years ago this coming april. He went into the hospital on his 30th bday, and passed away a little more then a month after. He had this thing called valley fever. The worst and best part of it, is how alot of things remind you of the ones you lost. I still have his telephone number in my phone. I don't think I can erase it. WhenI am home doing nothing I am always expecting a call, or whenever I think about the boonedocks or street fighters, or see clean white s13 coupes. He was the first person who was close to me that was not family that has past, and it really puts things in perspective.

One thing I think about is how he was looking forward to me finishing my car so we can go driving together, he was also looking forward to street fighter 4, but he did not get to see it come out, so when I play it I always think of him. Same thing goes for gt5 or prologue. It's tuff. I will always miss him. Funny thing is, is that when I met the guy it was like I knew him my whole life, like we grew up together.

[kingkilburn]

That's crazy. I've never heard of some one actually dying from Valley Fever.

I lost my great grandfather a few years back. I can remember every little detail about him. Some times I feel like I can look up and see him looking down on me with his stoic approval. He was a great man.

Some days I realize how much I miss him and it all come rushing back.


Rest in peace Hiram Parly Kilburn & Winona Hatch-Kilburn.

[bboyswoosh87]

I lost a friend a year ago for some reason I kept avoiding him when he was alive. When I found out he died it hit me real hard I was real close to him. I couldn't bare to go to his funeral and i regret it till this day. It hurts me because he was a great friend.

Hang strong man its okay to cry because if you keep those emotions bottled up your only hurting yourself.

[atutt]

I dont think anyone every really gets over the death of someone close to their heart... she will always be in your mind, just cherish the memories and dont forget the special moments you had with her :)

I do every time I think of her. :)
It would be hard not to. No one ever had anything negative to say about her.

I know what you mean, and how you feel. One of my best friends past away two years ago this coming april. He went into the hospital on his 30th bday, and passed away a little more then a month after. He had this thing called valley fever. The worst and best part of it, is how alot of things remind you of the ones you lost. I still have his telephone number in my phone. I don't think I can erase it. WhenI am home doing nothing I am always expecting a call, or whenever I think about the boonedocks or street fighters, or see clean white s13 coupes. He was the first person who was close to me that was not family that has past, and it really puts things in perspective.

One thing I think about is how he was looking forward to me finishing my car so we can go driving together, he was also looking forward to street fighter 4, but he did not get to see it come out, so when I play it I always think of him. Same thing goes for gt5 or prologue. It's tuff. I will always miss him. Funny thing is, is that when I met the guy it was like I knew him my whole life, like we grew up together.

Our first date was to see Tokyo Drift. She wanted to see as bad as I did.
After the movie she wanted to go drifting. I tole her I would take her one day. Unfortunately I never got that chance. :(
Now I've been considering dedicating a drift car to her with her picture some where on it. (If her parents are okay with it)

It's become pretty hard to watch that movie since. But, it means so much to me now.

I lost a friend a year ago for some reason I kept avoiding him when he was alive. When I found out he died it hit me real hard I was real close to him. I couldn't bare to go to his funeral and i regret it till this day. It hurts me because he was a great friend.

Hang strong man its okay to cry because if you keep those emotions bottled up your only hurting yourself.

I saw her 2 days before the accident. She was busy. I was busy. I didn't even say "hi".
The sirens attending to the accident are what woke me up that morning.


Now, I'm not religious at all. But, I can't bare the thought of her being anywhere else but heaven.

[jbj858]

sorry for your lost but dont you have friends, personal stuff like this is best handle privately alone, face to face family or friends not posting a topic in a car forum it makes you think no one cares for you. its a sad sad situation when you turn to people you dont know and not really care for you.

[I LUV MY S13]

go to the funeral bro, you'd probably regret not going later on in the future

[kingkilburn]

sorry for your lost but dont you have friends, personal stuff like this is best handle privately alone, face to face family or friends not posting a topic in a car forum it makes you think no one cares for you. its a sad sad situation when you turn to people you dont know and not really care for you.

Douche:squint:

[kouki fanatic]

our zilvians are so nice and helpful(they atleast try)

[all show no go]

go to the funeral bro, you'd probably regret not going later on in the future

Big time.. I've never been in your situation but I know I would have to attend and say goodbye. So sorry for your loss, losing the ones you love is the worst feeling. :(

[240love]

my ex is still alive and kicking but if she were to die im not gonna lie that would hurt alot

we dont even speak anymore but i would still want to come to a funeral (knock on wood)

im sorry for your loss man i really am

[Ali 556]

Dude,

Sory for the lose and all..but try to move on.....Don't keep it inside you..

If you are sad/mad for her do this :

1- buy a Rifle.
2- Go and Shot some stuff (stuff NOT people).
3- Profit?

back on the topic...Every day i see ppl die in front of me...( ER Physician)...Maybe I lost it or something...But i see ppl around me (family of the patient) crying and everything...I Just MOVE ON to the next PT

Cold Stone Doc maybe..? i dunno

Maybe this will help? i dunno?