The Funniest Thing I Read In A Long Time

[LeftNutOfGowd]

Why cant you just jack off to internet porn like everyone else lol

Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench (http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/)


Last night in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.


Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.


The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself (http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/). However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.


He panicked and called the police to help him.


http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg246/rborroel21/hk-man-penis02.gif

When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.


http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg246/rborroel21/hk-man-penis03.jpg

4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.


Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.


http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg246/rborroel21/hk-man-penis01.jpg

Lets just say this is probably one bad date that Xing will never forget.



Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench | Weird Asia News (http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/)

AND THE VIDEO
on.cc - ontv (http://tv.on.cc/news/news.html?mid=OBK-080807-11571-08M&mtype=Video&mtime=1218057370)

[stiizy]

WTF are people doing these days...

Holy shit what a fucking retard i would've stayed home and hit the internet or something what a fuckin fien

[Flicktitty]

lol...wtf is wrong with people

[LeftNutOfGowd]

Hahaha idk i guess sometime you just gotta fuck something lol

[s13silady]

Hahaha idk i guess sometime you just gotta fuck something lol

BUAHAHAHA..


geez some people are idiots.

[Okinawandrifter87]

Haha I love lamp. JK JK JK.

[rainier]

HAHA. sucks.

[LookOut Nick]

not trying to be masculine or macho, but look at the size of those holes :keke: :keke: :keke:

[S13_Nightkid]

Dude shoulda stayed home and renewed his Bang Bros. subscription and watch other people get it in public. LOL fake reality porn ftl

[qwikspool]

:keke:lol
i guess he got tired of using his hands.

[shade]

Ahahaha! They had to take the bench with him... :rofl:!

[Vision Garage]

Damn that sucks for him. If only he was a member of zilvia, he could have thought about this.

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m211/jrbump/eww.jpg

and he wouldve been out in a jiffy!!!

[SexPanda]

lol. Thats why God, in his infinite wisdom, gave us hands.

Some people are just stupid. Some stupid people are just lonely. You do the math.

[azndoc]

Some people don't deserve and penis in fear that they might re-produce an equally dumb ass offspring.

Population control.

Get on it.

[spoolandslide]

^ 3 up ^

there is no way that there could be an even less attractive woman out there in the world

my penis has never been weaker in my entire life

there is no god

[DohcKA]

hahahah what a fucking douche

[A Spec Products]

I could've thought of so many better things than that to hump

Here are issues I would've thought of before humping the holes in the bench:

1. Size of the holes: I ain't packin no dirk diggler but those holes look way too small to be suitable.
2. It's a metal hole: Um, metal should not come anywhere near your dick, period.
3. What if my dick got stuck: Hrmm....nah not important let's hit it!

[WERDdabuilder]

a hole is a hole.

[Bubbles]

After seeing that monstrosity that was just posted having your dick stuck in a steel bench doesn't seem so bad.

[Anto]

baaahahahhahahahhahah

shoulda made his own fleshlight

LOL



Materials

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_01.jpg

Lays Stacks (my preferance, holds up better)/Pringles potato chip can
Foam rubber
Condom
1 1/4'' o-ring
Scissors
Marker

Procedure
Empty the chips out of the can. You can use whatever brand and flavor you prefer, but we like the one shown here for the container’s ergonomic shape and durable, colorful plastic. Lay out the foam and trim to fit the length of the container if necessary. The length of the foam can be up to a half inch longer than the length of the can.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_03.jpg
Unroll the condom and drop the O-ring inside. If you use a lubricated condom, turn it inside out first, so the lube is on the inner surface.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_04.jpg
Lay the condom along the foam with the open end slightly above the edge, and mark across where the O-ring lays in the condom. Cut the foam into two pieces along this line.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_05.jpg
Roll up the smaller piece of foam and push it into the bottom of the can. Lay the condom against the shorter edge of the other piece of foam so that the tip and the O-ring are hanging over one end and the open top of the condom is hanging over the other. Roll up the foam with the condom inside. The O-ring should be flat against one end of the foam roll, and the top of the condom should be sticking out of the center of the other end.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_06.jpg
With the scissors, make a nick in the tip of the condom, just enough so some air can get through. Insert the foam roll into the chip container, making sure the open end of the condom stays above the top of the foam. Leave about ½” of foam above the rim of the can.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_07.jpg
Use a nail or screwdriver to poke a small hole on the side of the can near the bottom.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_hole.jpg
Optional: If desired, use a pink or red marker to draw a vagina or lips on the foam around the center hole before covering the foam with the condom.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_09.jpg
Carefully stretch the condom around the rim of the can and over the lip so it covers the foam. The lip of the can will hold the condom in place.
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_08.jpg
To use your homemade flashlight toy, squirt some water-based, non-greasy lube into the condom and insert your penis. Cover the hole in the can with the tip of your finger to control the amount of “suction” you get. Closing the hole will increase the suction, so leave it open as you stroke in, and cover it on the out stroke.

Remove the foam roll and replace the condom after use (or rinse and reuse, if you’re really cheap, I know I am. http://imgs.pbnation.com/smilies/dodgy.gif). Use a textured condom turned inside out for more stimulation. Because the condom has a small opening on the end, the foam at the bottom of the can will periodically need to be replaced.
Lays:
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/mouth.jpg
Pringles:
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/rcan2.jpg
When stored with the lid on, the homemade flashlight can be conveniently camouflaged as an innocent can of potato chips (the can on the left has an advantage because its lid is opaque).. However, you need to release the edge of the condom from the lip of the can before you put the top on. If the condom is stretched around the top when you put the lid on, the lid will cut through the thin rubber of the condom. Leave the top of the condom loose, push the foam in, and cover with the lid. To use, just pop the top, pull the foam out a bit, and restretch the rubber.

[slw240sx]

ever seen the egg sucked into the bottle trick? I had a drunken friend a many years ago do that with a 40, needless to say it didn't end to well.