Abstinance only

[Farzam]

Before you read, please realize I don't care if you want to wait till marriage or you're Christian. This is just funny stuff. Don't turn this into some bullshit religious debate.

http://abstinenceonly.com/


Here's a couple samples:

"Girls, make no mistake: your virginity is the most valuable and precious thing you have. Don’t waste it. I say this not only as a doctor and man of faith, but also as a political leader with close personal ties to rich, powerful men willing to pay millions for virgins in their twenties. Seriously: Millions."

"Rigorously rub your face, body and genitalia against those of your faith partner until orgasm. (Also known as 'faith-fucking')"

"When hugging or kissing your faith partner, you may have noticed a little something getting hard inside his pants. It's called the penis and it means he wants to marry you! "

[downshift_sideways]

hahaha.

"Its called his penis and it means he wants to marry you"

Good shit..

[Matej]

Girls, make no mistake: your virginity is the most valuable and precious thing you have.
Put it on Ebay. :aw:

[downshift_sideways]

/\ lol nicee. You'd make thousands.

[Nachtmensch]

LOL

Continue sliding your prayer rod back and forth along the cleft of your faith partner’s ass faster and faster so that your testicles slap against the juncture of their buttocks and thigh. As you approach orgasm we suggest firmly pressing the head of the penis against the small of the back or the top of one buttock cheek, taking care not to let any semen or ejaculate approach the anus. There, wasn’t that fun?

[Farzam]

Is this shit serious

[Matej]

Prayer Rod!!!! I have a tattoo idea!

[downshift_sideways]

"Dear AbstinenceOnly,

I've been abstinent now for 43 years, which might seem like a long time to all the "cool" guys out there, but believe me, there are plenty of things you can do while waiting for the right person to come into your life. "


fucking wow.

[BustedS13]

http://www.freewayblogger.com/abstinenceonly/images/jesus_sez3.gif

[hustlervibes]

Haha man that's hilarious. As it might be "serious" it's still seriously hilarious haha. Great find +rep.

[silvia-junkie]

The Bible states it plainly in Leviticus: “Man shall not lie with man as he does with woman.” So there you have it: Standard Missionary is right out. For the gals: you’re off the hook. Anything goes. As far as the Lord’s concerned, it’s Beaver Season all year ‘round

i am actually crying i am laughing so hard. this needs to be made into a t-shirt.

[projekt_s13]

For the guys: Although in most cases "Gently, gently" should be your watchwords, masturbating your faith partner through jeans or other heavy fabric is the exception. After a few exploratory forays with your fingers against the denim, cup your hand between her legs and squeeze firmly (but not too hard!) This will let her know that you're interested. After letting go, make a fist and firmly rub your wrist and forearm up and down between her legs, applying only as much pressure as she gives in return. If, on the other hand, she runs away screaming, we suggest you immediately do the same.

http://www.freewayblogger.com/abstinenceonly/images/jesus_sez.gif

hahaha they give alot of detail.

[downshift_sideways]

The Bible states it plainly in Leviticus: “Man shall not lie with man as he does with woman.” So there you have it: Standard Missionary is right out. For the gals: you’re off the hook. Anything goes. As far as the Lord’s concerned, it’s Beaver Season all year ‘round

i am actually crying i am laughing so hard. this needs to be made into a t-shirt.

Hahahaha Thats hilarious! :rofl:

[Matej]

Hahaha wow. They should put up the abstinence galleries, I want to see random pics of people sitting in a park.

I need to show this to girls and ask if they're up for gentle rubbing. :bigok:

[cdlong]

Here is a safe and fun ejaculatory technique we've developed that I think your readers will enjoy: after a rousing bout of tea-bagging and titfucking my faith partner, I hold my prayer-rod firmly against her carotid artery until I ejaculate. She says it feels like I'm coming straight into her brain! (although mostly it just gets in her hair...) Thanks again for the great site!

[SHIFT_*grind*]

Oh God. This is the best find in a while.

[Phlip]

Let the deleted posts show that there is some things that we will NOT allow here. Please behave like adults, even those of you who happen to not be.
I have no qualms with disappearing people for a while

[jrmiller84]

"You can grab it, stroke it, squeeze it, or rub yourself against it like a fevered dog."

hahahahaha.

[statik]

Is this shit serious

Good find, I don't doubt its seriousness, faith-fucking sounds like serious businezz

DO NOT penetrate your faith partner’s anus with your penis! Good boy.

Thats what she said?

As far as the Lord’s concerned, it’s Beaver Season all year ‘round.

There are some really good quotes on this site...

[HaLo]

This thread has been extremely reported. Let's just say it's on life-support. The next infraction on this thread will get it locked.

BTW, the above link does contain pictures / things that some might consider offensive or not NWS. It's borderline.

[GSXRJJordan]

Hahaha this was funny as a whole... like those car parts sites that sell "muffler bearings" and "elbow grease" - then I saw Statik's quote:

Quote:
DO NOT penetrate your faith partner’s anus with your penis! Good boy.
Thats what she said?


HAHAHAHAHA exactly what I thought ~ awesome.

Good for an early morning laugh.

[ManoNegra]

God, best thread on Zilvia.

[jfc3po]

hilarious....

just fuckin hilarious

[IIIXziuR]

Honestly, this is all a joke right?
For Shats n Giggles?
Cuz this is like wow wow wee wow 45x

[jackjack]

Put it on Ebay. :aw:


wasnt something like that on ebay a while ago? :D

[muddafakka]

Hahaha great find

[azndoc]

Weirdos I swear.

Oh well.

Funny shit though.

[916S14]

That has got to be a joke.

[DALAZ_68]

wasnt something like that on ebay a while ago? :D


there was a women arrested bout...4-5 years ago for putting her daughters virginity on ebay...my saved link is dead...but yeah safe to say mom was arrested for tryin to prostitue...and around 30 men were arrested for bidding...in other words..soliciting (sp) or tryin to there fore bidding

[eastcoastS14]

Here's some fun things that faith partners can do besides have sex.

1) Go out to a movie or watch TV! Make some popcorn and have a popcorn party! 2) Engage in wholesome sports activities or play board games like checkers, chess or Monopoly!




ahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahhahahaha hhahahahahahah

[realslow]

Bef

"When hugging or kissing your faith partner, you may have noticed a little something getting hard inside his pants. It's called the penis and it means he wants to marry you! "

if girls really believe this i think we all are gonna have a epidemic of stage 5 clingers. ahahahahahahaha

[allntrlundrgrnd]

hahahah i laughed so hard at this i had to put it in my sig

[eastcoastS14]

Resist the urge to finger or face-fuck your faith partner while you're still just getting acquainted. Penetration with foreign objects while technically abstinent should probably be saved for the second date. Good girls respect that.

Incredible...


I refuse to believe this site is real

EDIT: Ok NOOO WAYY this is suposed to be a serious website ":All kidding aside, there's nothing "in vain" about firing your load all over your faith partner's face and tits":

it has to be a joke....but a hilarious one at that

[TheRonTom31]

Absolutely the funniest thing i have seen or read in forever. I needed a laugh like that. +rep

[eastcoastS14]

my roommate at school last year was super religious...like takes the bible literally, believes cavemen and dinosaurs are a hoax etc.(other than that he was totally normal and cool as hell) but he was totally abstinent....my boy who was his roommate freshman year used to clown him cause he had a girl and all they would do was make out for hours lol....it was funny shit cause so many girls wanted him...lol he told us that he would never want a girl to blow him either because he felt like it would be disrespectful to the girl haahah....I cant hate on him for his personal choices but it was funny shit.....i think if you dont open the valve every once and a while to releave the pressure eventually your head will just explode

[j4d3_h4v0k]

Thank you i needed to laugh b4 work

[SexPanda]

My faith partner and I used to get completely naked, down to our clothes and pretend we were touching eachother at our popcorn parties. I mean we were serioulsy only 3 feet away. Im still a virgin, for the Good Lord says I should be. And her? Well, we broke up 2 years ago. She was on Montell trying to find her "baby's daddy". Last I heard, she was on guy #12.

[Farzam]

Noone act stupid.

If this thread gets closed, I WILL KILL.

Mods, please PM me with the fucknut who gets this thread's IP.