My Roommate Is Such A Dick! [Archive] - Zilvia.net Forums | Nissan 240SX (Silvia) and Z (Fairlady) Car Forum

EvilRB

10-10-2007, 12:08 PM

^^ I'll try but theres alot of stories! And they have pictures that go with them but if your at work at least you can waste time by reading this! LoL!!!

Well here goes:

Wednesday, October 10, 2007
OMG, U R a DICK

Dear Roommate -

BIG difference between butler and roommate. Go buy your own fucking beer!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 9:31 AM 2 comments

Tuesday, October 9, 2007
A Sea of Red - One Whale of a Dick

Dear Roommate,

You threw a party while I was gone, no worries. In fact, I'm pissed I missed it. It looked f'n sweet. How do I know? Maybe cause I've been staring at the MESS for TWELVE DAYS!!!

BTW - A freshman stopped by yesterday asking if he could pledge our house. What the hell happened during this party!?

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 12:11 PM 1 comments

Someone Got Trashed

Dear Roommate,

Listen, we're all totally psyched you nabbed a boy-toy! And we're glad you're finally having sex....but there's no need to PROVE IT to us by leaving your used condoms in the KITCHEN TRASH!!! UR Nasty Girl!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 12:01 PM 8 comments

Monday, October 8, 2007
Shit, That's a Busy Week

Dear Roommate,

A) I was only gone for one week - how did you use up ALL the toilet paper!

B) If you use it all - why wouldn't you buy more!!!

C) I wouldn't use your wash cloth for some time -- sorry you left me no other choice.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 11:24 AM 1 comments

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

Dicks Beware! This Was In The News Today...

A Texas man is accused of stabbing his roommate to death because the man complained about his "stinky feet," local media reports. The two men rented a small bedroom in a Houston apartment from a married couple with a baby.

The mother and child were sitting outside Saturday evening when the men started drinking in their room, the Houston Chronicle reported Monday. They started fighting about the man's "stinky feet" and the woman peered into the room to see one of the men holding a knife in his hands, said Sgt. M. Sosa of the homicide squad.

"By the time she got inside, he was on top of the other man," he told the paper.

The women fled and called for help, and then the roommate "comes after her and says, 'I didn't mean to do it, I didn't mean to do it,'" Sosa said.

William Antonio Serrano, 22, was charged with murder. The victim's identity was not released. He was pronounced dead at the scene with multiple stab wounds.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 11:09 AM 5 comments

Saturday, October 6, 2007
Role Playing Dick

Dear Roommate,

You are the laziest person that I know. You will come up with excuses for EVERYTHING – if it means you don’t have to do anything or buy anything. You call out of work because you stay up till all hours of the night playing World of Warcraft and don’t want to turn the game off b/c you can’t pause it. You expect everyone to do your dishes – because if you just leave them sit long enough, one of us will get sick of looking at them and do them. You let the trash pile up and don’t take it out. You use the last of the TP, go get another role to finish wiping, but you can’t put the new roll on the thing and throw the old one out. Not to mention that when it’s your turn to buy new TP, everyone has to wait 3 weeks to wipe their ass because you refuse to do it until you actually decide that it might be time to wipe your own. You’re too busy playing World of Warcraft to even worry about cleaning that habitat you call a room. You wear the same clothes over and over again…sometimes, I don’t even know if they’re clean considering there’s really no separation between the trash strewn about on the floor of your room and clean and/or dirty clothes.

YOU LIVE HERE TOO. (You pay the least amount of rent, coincidently) HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT FOR EVERYONE ELSE AND DO YOUR FAIR SHARE. YOU’RE PATHETIC.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 5:14 PM 7 comments

Friday, October 5, 2007
Dick Foreman

Dear Roommate,

The George Foreman is absolutely nasty!

C'mon, TWO plates filled with congealed charred fat!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 11:26 AM 11 comments

Dishwasher Says it All

Dear Roommate,

Thanks for giving your fugly boyfriend a key to OUR apartment. I love awkwardly making small talk with him when you're not here and he is. BTW, his boobs are definitely a C cup. Probably larger. Also, the dishwasher isn't hard to open. How long are you going to leave your dishes laying around? When you get them out of the dishwasher and lament that there's still food stuck on them, I'm going to remind you, that had you washed them three weeks ago, there wouldn't be. WHY DO YOU DRIVE TO CLASS? You have gotten 13 parking violations - two TODAY. IN ONE DAY. WE LIVE ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE CAMPUS - LITERALLY. HOW LAZY ARE YOU? Why are you so dumb? You set off the smoke dectector "making pancakes"and had to WAKE ME UP to get it to stop. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? There's more, OH THERE'S MORE, but I think everyone gets the point. YOU'RE A DICK.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 11:00 AM 2 comments

Thursday, October 4, 2007
DICK OF THE WEEK!!! Jizz Rags Off the Carpet

Dear Roommate,

You're such a disgusting slob who refuses to wash your clothes. Rather than picking up your dirty laundry off the floor, you buy new clothes. You've done this through an entire school year, but the kicker was when you had to clean it all up for move-out day....By the time you got down to the carpet, you were ripping your dirty panties and jiz rags off the carpet. Lots of them. As in, after months of being compacted into the floor they had stuck to it. Needless to say, by the time you were through, the carpet was ruined. The icing on the cake was when you called over the summer to say that the school had sent a bill to replace the carpet and YOU wanted me to pay half. What a dick!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 10:15 AM 5 comments

Pawn Dick

Dear Roommate,

You and your boyfriend "found" this TV outside our apartment and brought it inside to see if it worked. When you discovered that it was broken, you decided to either take it to a pawn shop or take it to the dumpster, which apparently exists TEN FEET FROM OUR DOOR. That was three weeks ago. Now its been transformed into a table. Get it out of the house, or I'm breaking it and putting the pieces of glass in your bed.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 10:00 AM 1 comments

An Open-Shut Case, You're a Dick

Dear Roommate,

Thanks for kicking our door in when you were stupid enough to leave your keys inside. Knocking is one thing you might wanna try next time. It was also awesome of you to wait for a week to get it fixed. Thanks a lot door breaker.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 8:16 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Disrespectful Dick

Dear Roommate,

You got away with making the kitchen filthy to the point that I bought my own fridge for my room. I didn't mind you blasting WoW at all hours of the night, or having LAN parties that leave the place reeking of old chicken and BO. You did, however, cross a line when you BARGED in on my girlfriend and me and started screaming about disrespect like a goddamn ape. That line was bent over and violated when you refused to make good on that incident, and tried to raise the rent by $250. Whenever you decide to BARGE into my room for the rent, you'll be greeted with a couple little gifts from me. I wish I could be there to receive your thanks, but I'll be in California, finding myself a future. Enjoy your WoW, and sleeping alone on an air mattress on your 28th birthday.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:55 PM 2 comments

Sloppy Dick

Dear Roommate,
I love being away for two weeks to find you sitting in our living room with all your garbage piled up around your 'desk'. Stop smiling at me when I ask you to clean it up. You're the reason we have rats! You're such a dick!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:45 PM 1 comments

Little Dick in Da House

Dear Roommate aka little brother,

I'm sick of you trying to hang with my friends you're not 20 you're 13. Go jack off or just hang with your little 13 year old friends. Get a life. Plus stop hitting on my girlfriend she doesn't like you and she wishes you will just get one of your own.

P.S. i rubbed my ass on your tooth brush, enjoy

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 11:37 AM 14 comments

Cowboy Dick

Dear Roommate,

Three questions:
1. Why do I have to walk in on this?
2. What kind of sick fantasy were you acting out?
3. Where did you get those clothes?

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 11:19 AM 7 comments

Monday, October 1, 2007
Small Island, Big Tolerance

Dear Roommate,

Stop trying to regulate my beer drinking. I'm not a seventeen year old girl. 4 beers is nothing to a 6'1" Hawaiian.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:05 PM 13 comments

A Forgetful Dick

Dear Roommate,

Take your god damn F #*ing keys with you...

I hope your new roommates are as easy going as I have been with you, especially when you go out
and forget to take your keys and then resort to either ringing my mobile or the door bell for 10 mins at 3 am until I let you in.

P.S No i dont have any change for the bus!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 12:52 PM 7 comments

Saturday, September 29, 2007
Dramatic Dick

Dear Roommate,

If I have to hear about how NO ONE loves you one more f*cking time and how f*cking fat you are I will puke in your OCD cleaned room. If I have to hear how you only "ate 3 grapes yesterday and a piece of cheese and then you drank 5 and 1.3 beers and went home with Frankenstein (but you, of course, didn't have sex with them -- you f*cking tease) I'll go insane.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 4:24 PM 7 comments

Game On...Dick

Dear Roommate,

Do you know who wins when we play "Trash Jenga"....NO ONE!

Stop stacking trash! Just take it out!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:00 PM 11 comments

Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Dick Done Locked You Out

Dear Roommate,

It would be pretty sweet if you could stop locking me out when I leave the apartment for like 2 minutes, climbing in through the window is only funny to you. Also the layer of filth you left in the bathroom sink and the nice mound of pubes in the bottom of the shower is still waiting for you to clean up. I'll be at my girlfriends place you nasty dick of a roommate.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 7:56 PM 2 comments

Dick Deleter

Dear Roommate,

Thanks for DELETING Heroes even though I hadn't watched it yet. I hope there isn't another "accident" when your favorite show LOST returns.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 7:55 PM 5 comments

This Dick Needs To Vent

Dear Roommate,

Roomie, our walls share a vent!!! My boyfriend and I love laughing at your "Dirty Talk", but if I have to listen JustinTimberlake, Counting Crows, or the phrase, "Does it feel good?" one more time -- I'm gonna go crazy.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 7:54 PM 4 comments

Sleepy Dick

Dear Roommate,

I can tell you like to sleep, I mean, you do it nearly all day instead of going to class. Funny thing is, I also like to sleep. So when you set your alarm to wake you up at 7 am, please wake up at 7 am. Instead of having me wake up, tell you to turn off your alarm only for you to hit the SNOOZE so I can do the same thing every FIVE MINUTES until it's 9am - when I actually have to be up.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 7:53 PM 12 comments

Destructive Dick

Dear Roommate,
You don't even f*cking live here yet you still manage to cause more damage then anyone who pays rent here. Thanks for mysteriously breaking the toilet and eating all of our food and passing out in the middle of the living room. Oh...wait...what's that? OF COURSE you can crash on our couch for the next week for free. We have plenty of shit left for you to break buddy.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 7:52 PM 3 comments

Rock Dick

Dear Roommate,

You are NOT a Guitar Hero!

It's 3:30 AM. Go to bed!!!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:24 PM 8 comments

DICK OF THE WEEK!!! The Vomitor

Dear Roommate,
Thank you for coming home wasted and throwing up your pasta marinara all over MY table. You didn't clean it up for two days and the house smelled like shit.
Signed,

The guy who had to clean it up. What a dick.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:23 PM 2 comments

Don't Shit Where You Brush

Dear Dick Of A Roommate,

I just wanted to send you a quick thank you note for being such a great roommate. You drinking in our dorm cluster until 3 AM on a Wednesday did such wonders for my grades. And when you left me that voicemail of "eat shit and die, faggot", you raised a good point. I probably am a faggot seeing I don't f$ck any trash that roams into my field of vision like you. I was a bit worried about your gorgeous girlfriend back home, but you erased my doubts again by quoting Aristotle and saying "My hotdog needs a bun". I really can't argue with that logic. I could go on about the foul-smelling weed, your loser friends eating all of my food, destroying my hat rack, and stealing the TV, but I won't. I feel as though I've praised you enough. I did leave you a "thank you" present when I left. I hope you enjoyed it.

Hugs n Kisses,Your Favorite Roommate

PS - Enjoy your toothbrush

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:22 PM 4 comments

Keyboard Never Saw it Coming

Dear Roommate,

Thank you for allowing me to walk in on you masturbating to gay porn, in my room, on MY COMPUTER. It has granted me the pleasure of never feeling safe or comfortable in this room again. And the fact that you "cleaned up after doing it times before", does not console me in the least. I can't believe my mom paid for your dinner after that. You're a dick, please keep you genitals away from my keyboard and mouse. Also, you owe me at least $50 for all the toilet paper I've bought this year, so stop cheaping out on rent by claiming you paid for some groceries one time.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:21 PM 6 comments

Furry Dick

Dear Roommate,

Hey you you furry piece of dick. You vomit on the floor, refuse to clean up after yourself, complain incessantly about the lack of food, but never go get anyone to cut your toenails. I can actually hear them clicking on the floor. You think grooming is a group event and to top it off you lick your ass in front of company. Seriously stop being such a dick

ps - I'm so glad I chopped off your balls when I had the chance

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:17 PM 7 comments

Monday, September 24, 2007
Samurai Dick

Dear Roomie,

I remember a time, not more than six months ago, when you still showered, brushed your teeth and did an occasional load of laundry. Those were the days, huh?

Well now that reeking pile of filth outside of your room is beginning to attract flies, and your breath consistently smells of a strange combination of sour milk and rotting vagina. Not to mention the dishes that I bought that YOU use that YOU refuse to clean.

By the way, that giant pile of beer cans outside your room is sitting on top of a huge dark brown stain, which I assume is because you put 200 half empty beer cans on top of it, and you might want to know the owner of the pussy you've been sucking that she has a serious problem. Brush your goddamn teeth and get your smelly ass out!

Sincerely,

The owner of the sword you're f$%*ing.

P.S. I'm gonna pop your air mattress with it.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 7:21 PM 3 comments

Dick-quilla Sunrise

Dear Roommate,

Mexico + 1/2 bottle of Tequilla and my dick of a roommate thinks its ok to dry hump me?

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 7:15 PM 7 comments

Door Dick

Dear Roomie,

Remember how you NEVER SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR even in the winter when it’s -5 outside and we have oil heat for f$%*’s sake. And remember how your asshole hookup walked in on me in the shower and then didn’t even f$%*ing apologize? NO? Well for an animal lover you sure dropped my poor pet rabbit on the floor every f$%*ing night you got drunk. And by the way, it’s not unreasonable to ask you to pay your share of the bill within two months of receiving it! And no, I wasn’t f$%*ing every guy that walked through our door – I just can have a male friend without F$%*ING HIM!!!
Love,

Your Roommate!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 5:39 PM 1 comments

The Dunt

Dear Dick Roommate Web site,

I had a guy I used to work with call me up at work one night and ask me for a favor. He drove his car through a huge puddle and it flooded out and stalled. He needed me to come pick him up from work, and a place to stay that night. He ended up staying with me for a month and a half. He had said his house had gotten broken into, and he didn't want to go back and was trying to find a new place. I got stuck supporting him for a month. To make it worse, I had things start to come up missing, and nobody else was ever in the house. I had a bucket of change that had 400 dollars in it, and he stuffed the bottom with paper towels and threw what change was left on top of it to make it look full. He stole my checkbook and forged a check to the liquor store. He kept coming up with lies to weasel his way into staying with me longer until i finally couldn't take it anymore and booted him out. My roommate was a dick and a cunt. He was a dunt!

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 4:15 PM 7 comments

Wonder What He Does In The Shower

Dear Ex-Roommate,

Thanks so much for pissing in the sink. I appreciate the smell of urine while brushing my teeth ever so much.

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 4:12 PM 5 comments

Thumbs Up If You're a Dick Part II

Dear Roommate,
Just because we had one keg left from our party, doesn't mean it's a good idea to sell it for ten bucks. I and the other three people you live with would have gladly drank it.
- thirsty and sober

Posted by Taking A Stand... at 1:59 PM 2 comments

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