nrcooled
08-09-2002, 07:56 AM
NINE THINGS THAT PISS YOU OFF
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.
3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No asshole, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.
7. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".....Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
8. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then it must not be the first one!!
9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!
Edit: added another joke
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the hickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse.
He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and as thatwas the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them."
Half the women stood up.
"No no" he said "That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the altar boys stood up.
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.
3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No asshole, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.
7. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".....Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
8. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then it must not be the first one!!
9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!
Edit: added another joke
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the hickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse.
He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and as thatwas the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them."
Half the women stood up.
"No no" he said "That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the altar boys stood up.