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RoyalFlush
04-18-2007, 09:12 PM
New Office Policy

Dress Code:
1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.






HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHA

ms!3
04-18-2007, 09:18 PM
hahaha that'd suck to work there. lawl at #4 under the bathroom breaks.

s13rookie
04-18-2007, 09:19 PM
Thats pretty funny. my jobs not that bad though............yet

RoyalFlush
04-18-2007, 09:28 PM
yeah the personal days and bathroom one killed me.

s13gold
04-18-2007, 11:51 PM
that must be at weight watchers...ahhaha

sleepy_s13
04-18-2007, 11:55 PM
I like the dress code part. I used have to dress up at a job I worked at, I hated it. I only made 8 bucks an hour

rainier
04-19-2007, 12:39 AM
New Office Policy



Bathroom Breaks:
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


HAHAHAha damn.

C. Senor
04-19-2007, 01:29 AM
lol damn i'd hate to work there cuz i'd only get 5 minutes to eat lunch....lol

Howard92884
04-19-2007, 03:05 AM
I would love to work there.....30 min lunch breaks. Haha.

DoriftoPnoy
04-19-2007, 03:42 AM
lmfao. that was pretty funny. im actually enjoying the unemployed life right now.

RoyalFlush
04-19-2007, 09:23 AM
working there would be great haha

MELLO*SOS
04-19-2007, 09:47 AM
Wow sounds like some bullshit my boss would come up with.

Yuri
04-19-2007, 10:42 AM
One of my friends at a different company traded in his Mini on a Lotus Elise.
He was told by his boss that he wasn't allowed to drive it to work on the first day he showed up with it because they thought he was trying to show up his boss who drove a Bentley. They relented when my friend explained that it was his only car.:duh:

Farzam
04-19-2007, 03:13 PM
Best lunchbreak evarrr for me.

And i'd go to work every day wearing nothing so i'd get a raise.

O'DOYLE RULES!

Jefferson
04-19-2007, 04:11 PM
haha thats shit was pretty funny,the bathrrom and lunch breaks are too funny. I could picture some rules like that trying to be enforced at my place of employment

azndoc
04-19-2007, 04:46 PM
lol, sounds pretty true to me.

When I was in the Navy and someone under me asked for half day of work. I ask them which 12 hours they want off of their day